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Ezekiel 25:17

The world of a woman.

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6 hours ago, Doctor Troy said:

Hi, just bought a new house so the first thing I will do is go on Twitter to post a photo of me outside it showing my massive tits off with no bra on. But don't mention my tits as I'll screenshot all the responses going on about my tits and complain about it people going on about my tits for the next few days...

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I'm calling it now, she would be waaaayyy more hassle than she's worth. 

 

International Space Station levels of high maintenance. 

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5 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

 


Until next time, this isn’t harassment, take care of yourselves and each other. 
 

RareScrawnyIridescentshark-size_restrict

Hahahahahaha 

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Just trotted down the road to the local metropolis today and spotted a bank card on the ground, nothing else with it. Halifax card, valid until next year. Anyway put it in my pocket and when I got home said to Her Indoors found this while I was out. So she says OK I'll put it online. Me thinking that saves me bothering, she can contact Halifax.

 

So what does she do ? Puts it on fucking Faceaids with all the details but omitting the middle name and asks if anyone knows that etc.

 

I give up. Again.

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We are leaving Ibiza tomorrow, so need a PCR test.  Nurse was coming at 9:30 to do it. The wife does a lateral flow at 9.00 just to be sure. 

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1 minute ago, Rico1304 said:

We are leaving Ibiza tomorrow, so need a PCR test.  Nurse was coming at 9:30 to do it. The wife does a lateral flow at 9.00 just to be sure. 

Yeah, we are isolating. We have the lateral flows in anyway,  Sunday she does that,  then does the pcr test a minute later. 

Funny thing is I posted the pcr, my result came back yesterday hers still not back. 

"I think they probably hold positives back ,nobody likes breaking bad news"

"Really? "

" no"

 

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The latest episode of, "Mrs D's measurement mishaps." 

 

We're redecorating and first job is to freshen up the ceiling in the through lounge.  It's a large area and I estimate its about 40-50Msq all in all.  I asked her to get me some rollers the other day, she put them in the shed for me. 

 

Here they are. 

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35 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

The latest episode of, "Mrs D's measurement mishaps." 

 

We're redecorating and first job is to freshen up the ceiling in the through lounge.  It's a large area and I estimate its about 40-50Msq all in all.  I asked her to get me some rollers the other day, she put them in the shed for me. 

 

Here they are. 

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She just wants it to take you twice as long, don't even think about sitting down Paulie you lazy bastard. 

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17 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

The latest episode of, "Mrs D's measurement mishaps." 

 

We're redecorating and first job is to freshen up the ceiling in the through lounge.  It's a large area and I estimate its about 40-50Msq all in all.  I asked her to get me some rollers the other day, she put them in the shed for me. 

 

Here they are. 

20210727_105657.jpg

Maybe she wants you to have a bad neck for the next six weeks.

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The wife wanted to go to IKEA to look specifically at wardrobes, picture frames and additional shelves for our utility room racking. She's been at home all day so made a list, picked me up from work (after a shitty day) and off we went.

 

She has measured precisely nothing and we couldn't make any decisions about anything when we got there. She was "sure" about the size of the shelf we need but, surprise surprise, we got it home and it's the wrong width and depth. A complete fucking waste of an evening when I'm already completely exhausted from work. Terrific stuff.

 

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46 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

The wife wanted to go to IKEA to look specifically at wardrobes, picture frames and additional shelves for our utility room racking. She's been at home all day so made a list, picked me up from work (after a shitty day) and off we went.

 

She has measured precisely nothing and we couldn't make any decisions about anything when we got there. She was "sure" about the size of the shelf we need but, surprise surprise, we got it home and it's the wrong width and depth. A complete fucking waste of an evening when I'm already completely exhausted from work. Terrific stuff.

 

Are you and Paulie ok sharing a missus? 

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We’re away at some Youth Hostel in the Lakes. A beautiful place ruined by the middle classes, but that’s another story.

 

Went out last night. Lovely meal but it was a bit of a hassle getting booked in somewhere so decided to stop in and just have one of their pizzas and a beer. 
 

I went down and ordered them for 7pm which gave the wife a good 90 mins to have a rest, get ready and make the 30 second commute downstairs. Despite my 30 min, 15 min and 10 min reminders she wasn’t ready so I went down on my own. The pizzas were delivered bang on 7pm. She got downstairs at 7.15pm, took a bite and immediately complained her pizza was cold. 

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12 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

We’re away at some Youth Hostel in the Lakes. A beautiful place ruined by the middle classes, but that’s another story.

 

Went out last night. Lovely meal but it was a bit of a hassle getting booked in somewhere so decided to stop in and just have one of their pizzas and a beer. 
 

I went down and ordered them for 7pm which gave the wife a good 90 mins to have a rest, get ready and make the 30 second commute downstairs. Despite my 30 min, 15 min and 10 min reminders she wasn’t ready so I went down on my own. The pizzas were delivered bang on 7pm. She got downstairs at 7.15pm, took a bite and immediately complained her pizza was cold. 

Haha, sounds very much like mine. Given her clocks, watches, set up reminders with alarms on phones and computers and she will still be late. 
 

oh and somehow it’ll all be your fault. 

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25 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

We’re away at some Youth Hostel in the Lakes. A beautiful place ruined by the middle classes, but that’s another story.

Fuckin' right, go home all you middle class dickheads.

 

Bloke in my local a couple of weeks ago telling everyone in the beer garden that Wast Water was amazing as it had mountains AND a lake; as if we didn't know.

 

Cunt off.

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6 minutes ago, Stouffer said:

Fuckin' right, go home all you middle class dickheads.

 

Bloke in my local a couple of weeks ago telling everyone in the beer garden that Wast Water was amazing as it had mountains AND a lake; as if we didn't know.

 

Cunt off.

Waste Waster? What a sewer.

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1 hour ago, Karl_b said:

The wife wanted to go to IKEA to look specifically at wardrobes, picture frames and additional shelves for our utility room racking. She's been at home all day so made a list, picked me up from work (after a shitty day) and off we went.

 

She has measured precisely nothing and we couldn't make any decisions about anything when we got there. She was "sure" about the size of the shelf we need but, surprise surprise, we got it home and it's the wrong width and depth. A complete fucking waste of an evening when I'm already completely exhausted from work. Terrific stuff.

 

How long have you been shagging my missus lad? 

 

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2 hours ago, Karl_b said:

The wife wanted to go to IKEA to look specifically at wardrobes, picture frames and additional shelves for our utility room racking. She's been at home all day so made a list, picked me up from work (after a shitty day) and off we went.

 

She has measured precisely nothing and we couldn't make any decisions about anything when we got there. She was "sure" about the size of the shelf we need but, surprise surprise, we got it home and it's the wrong width and depth. A complete fucking waste of an evening when I'm already completely exhausted from work. Terrific stuff.

 

Did she at least treat you to some of them meatballs? That's the only way my Mrs gets me to IKEA.

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11 hours ago, DJLJ said:

Haha, sounds very much like mine. Given her clocks, watches, set up reminders with alarms on phones and computers and she will still be late. 
 

oh and somehow it’ll all be your fault. 

Was working on Saturday but I always have a break midday and take my son swimming. He was up at 7.30 and I started working shortly after. 

 

I said make sure he's ready at 1.45 and I'll take him after I've logged off. Despite having all day to get his swimming kit ready and have him dressed somehow she didn't do that and decided to start it at 1.45. Needed to find our main set of car keys as they have a locker key on them but they were mysteriously missing.

 

Ended up leaving at 2.00 and then she said "hurry up or you'll be late". 

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7 v 7 sporting occasion today with friends 

 

One lad drops out as his partner has got her car locked in a car park 

 

God forbid she could just sit in a pub and have a bite to eat. Just easier for her to piss 13 others off

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I have seen this many times. They are in a pub and order some drinks. While the bar person has to sit by the till and thus not able to serve anyone else they fart about with the food order. I'll  have that, ooh no I won't. What do you want? Oh what does thingy want? Go over and ask her.

 

This process would take a few blokes a couple of minutes by simply looking at the menu prior to approaching the bar. This is an utter incomprehensible task for them.

 

Just hope no one else is thirsty or hungry.

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2 hours ago, tokyojoe said:

I have seen this many times. They are in a pub and order some drinks. While the bar person has to sit by the till and thus not able to serve anyone else they fart about with the food order. I'll  have that, ooh no I won't. What do you want? Oh what does thingy want? Go over and ask her.

 

This process would take a few blokes a couple of minutes by simply looking at the menu prior to approaching the bar. This is an utter incomprehensible task for them.

 

Just hope no one else is thirsty or hungry.

Mothers day is something else

 

Whole family will be out and of course they are not all versed in pub etiquette or even properly socialised 

 

Scouse Ma will push her way to the front of the bar and proceed to then shout back to her table to find out what they want and then afterwards all fuss over who pays as they all insist they want to

 

 

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1 hour ago, Liverpool lad said:

Mothers day is something else

 

Whole family will be out and of course they are not all versed in pub etiquette or even properly socialised 

 

Scouse Ma will push her way to the front of the bar and proceed to then shout back to her table to find out what they want and then afterwards all fuss over who pays as they all insist they want to

 

 

Christmas is the same. Women who barely go out all year buy dresses and start planning the night in October. Get to the pub and they make an ordeal out of ordering drinks and have no clue about pub etiquette. Usually completely shitfaced around 9pm after drinking in someone's house or hotel room posting photos on Instagram. 

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Women who think they are too fit to do anything apart from buy clothes, make up and pose on Instagram.

 

Know a couple whose lives just simply revolve around shopping, eating out and booking holidays/weekend trips where they spend the whole time on their phone. Put them in any type of social situation outside their little bubble and they malfunction saying "I'm not too good at this adult stuff"

 

Also extends to buying expensive cars without having a clue how to drive them, paying a fortune for it because they think they are too fit to lower themselves to go on public transport. 

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13 hours ago, Doctor Troy said:

Know a couple whose lives just simply revolve around shopping, eating out and booking holidays/weekend trips where they spend the whole time on their phone.

To be fair, that sounds pretty good to me! Well, I’d probably put my phone away for an hour or so per day. I know iPhones are supposed to be waterproof nowadays but I wouldn’t trust mine in the shower.

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