The world of a woman.

[Chairman Meow]

46 minutes ago, Poster said:

Had a discussion with my daughter about her car, a BMW Mini. They don’t come with a dipstick, it’s pretty much the same as petrol gauges now, electronic.

 

Me “Does it use much oil?”

Her “Oh, I don’t know. There’s no way to add oil anyway”

Me “Naah. There has to be a way to add oil.”

Her “Go on, see if you can find it” as she pulls the bonnet catch “I’ve asked loads of people and they don’t know”

 

 

Took ten minutes, even pointing to the page in the manual to convince her. To be fair she’s only owned the car from new for 5 years.

 

 

Thats not necessarily unique to women.

 

The amount of people who don't realise you need to top up fluids and make sure tyres have air and tread are astounding.

 

Worst are the ones who think car maintenance amounts to driving it till it needs an MOT and then paying for whatever is broken that it fails on. A lot of these types who later have break downs try and blame that on the MOT.

 

In one of my last proper jobs before I became self unemployed one of the electronics engineers was moaning like fuck at me because his car ran low on oil because he'd had his car tested a few months earlier. He was genuinely astounded when I pointed out that was nothing to do with an MOT.

[Paulie Dangerously]

7 hours ago, Jose Jones said:

I reckon they all have at least one thing that a child should be able to do, but for some reason an intelligent grown woman just can't.

My missus is a qualified engineer but she is incapable of putting petrol in the car - she just refuses to do it, or never notices that the light is on or something.

My missus has never put air in the tyres of a car she has owned. She's been driving for about 20 years 

[Davelfc]

26 minutes ago, Chairman Meow said:

Thats not necessarily unique to women.

 

The amount of people who don't realise you need to top up fluids and make sure tyres have air and tread are astounding.

 

Worst are the ones who think car maintenance amounts to driving it till it needs an MOT and then paying for whatever is broken that it fails on. A lot of these types who later have break downs try and blame that on the MOT.

 

In one of my last proper jobs before I became self unemployed one of the electronics engineers was moaning like fuck at me because his car ran low on oil because he'd had his car tested a few months earlier. He was genuinely astounded when I pointed out that was nothing to do with an MOT.

I have stopped thousands of vehicles at vechicle checkpoints, and bonnet and booted many many cars. I never had a situation where a bloke didn’t know how to open the bonnet. 
 

I do agree that there are many people of various sexes that don’t care for their cars.

[YorkshireRed]

13 minutes ago, Poster said:

where a bloke didn’t know how to open the bonnet. 

I’ve obviously avoided your checkpoints down the years. I could possibly hazard a guess but, without checking, I’m not sure how to open mine. 
 

I’ll ask the wife, she’ll know. 

[Davelfc]

6 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

I’ve obviously avoided your checkpoints down the years. I could possibly hazard a guess but, without checking, I’m not sure how to open mine. 
 

I’ll ask the wife, she’ll know. 

Hang your head in shame. 

 

[YorkshireRed]

3 minutes ago, Poster said:

Hang your head in shame. 

 

Yes, I’m a shit bloke in many areas. Not least anything to do with cars, diy and punch ups. 
 

When it stops raining I am going to go find out how to open the bonnet on my car though. I might put the answer in the ‘I’m a man, hear me roar’ thread. 

[chrisbonnie]

37 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

My missus has never put air in the tyres of a car she has owned. She's been driving for about 20 years 

Similar to my missus, only she's never put the dishwasher on, emptied it, or turned it on. 

 

She has got big tits though...... I suppose that's something

[VladimirIlyich]

40 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

I’ve obviously avoided your checkpoints down the years. I could possibly hazard a guess but, without checking, I’m not sure how to open mine. 
 

I’ll ask the wife, she’ll know. 

In fairness,they are fuckin awkward nowadays. Lever near the steering wheel and a bonnet catch that's usually in the most difficult place to get your fingers to it also. The little yellow catches on Fords are helpful though.

[Remmie]

On the heating front my missus has seemingly decided to be permanently cold in a deliberate attempt to annoy me. It's been warm and humid indoors recently despite the rain but to her rain = cold therefore the heating goes to 27c because 22c doesn't heat up quickly enough. I get so fucking irritable when it's hot and humid indoors as well. 

[manwiththestick]

5 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

My missus has never put air in the tyres of a car she has owned. She's been driving for about 20 years 

Same. Although last year I was leaving for work in the morning when I noticed her tyre was looking a bit flat so I text her and told her to go to the petrol station around the corner, I explained it how to do it and it's dead easy etc. Got a call from her about an hour later, she's nearly in tears saying she did what I said and now the tyre is completely flat. 

 

I'm in work so can't go to her so I called my dad (retired mechanic) and he drove out and sorted it. Turns out when she put the inflator on to the valve and it started to make the hissing noise she thought it was inflating, it was doing the opposite and she wasn't pushing the inflate button.

 

I'm surprised she got the dust cap off if I'm honest.

[Bobby Hundreds]

I scraped my missus Alloy wheels on the curb today something I've never done in my life, she said is this payback for me scraping yours years ago. Yes I'm that fucking petty and play the long game and today the 26th of May 2021 for no specific reason at all I decided it was the time for retribution.

 

I am pretty livid with myself though.

[Stouffer]

Mrs Stouffer didn't realise that Moët was pronounced as Moët, she always said Moët.

 

How we laughed. 

[VladimirIlyich]

On 26/05/2021 at 18:56, Bobby Hundreds said:

I scraped my missus Alloy wheels on the curb today something I've never done in my life, she said is this payback for me scraping yours years ago. Yes I'm that fucking petty and play the long game and today the 26th of May 2021 for no specific reason at all I decided it was the time for retribution.

 

I am pretty livid with myself though.

I had no idea this was F****all on the GF.

[deiseach]

On 26/05/2021 at 00:36, Josef Svejk said:

What I can't abide is her attempts to "clean up" the kitchen by dumping everything in the sink and clogging the fucking thing up. So when it comes to filling the dishwasher, I first have to remove everything from the sink so I can rinse the dishes.

Christ, yes. Is it a height thing, i.e. they can't see the dishes unless they are standing right over the sink but we see the clusterfuck within as soon as we walk into the kitchen? See also: they are closer to the dust whereas it has to be at Sahara-levels before we'll think about reaching for the Pledge.

[tokyojoe]

Her Indoors is fucking briiliant at losing things. I went to my electrical toolbox to get a screwdriver to find that not only both are missing but so are half of the contents. She takes things out for one of her little 'projects' and doesn't put them away properly. The'll be lying around somewhere in the house.

 

 

 

 

 

Somewhere.....

[Rico1304]

We had a big screen in the back garden for the footy yesterday. I’ve just said the wife that if the guy hasnt come to collect it I’ll watch the Scotland game out there today. Straight away she says ‘you can pick Izzy up

from school’. Why is the first reaction to someone enjoying themselves ‘can’t have that, must get in the way’? 

[Mudface]

16 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

We had a big screen in the back garden for the footy yesterday. I’ve just said the wife that if the guy hasnt come to collect it I’ll watch the Scotland game out there today. Straight away she says ‘you can pick Izzy up

from school’. Why is the first reaction to someone enjoying themselves ‘can’t have that, must get in the way’? 

Yep, I get exactly the same. The last English Bank Holiday wasn't also one in Scotland so I was off but my missus wasn't. You'd think she was my line manager the way she started drawing up plans for me to not enjoy myself.

[Mook]

I was told this morning that I did 'nothing' yesterday, while she painted our front door.

 

Some of the things I did yesterday...

 

3hrs of overtime

Went to Tesco to get some shopping

Took a load of stuff to the skip

Tidied the garden & cut the grass

Tidied up the mess in the kitchen

Went out and paid for our share her Mum's birthday meal

 

Watching the odd bit of Football clearly means that none of this counts as doing anything.

 

 

[VladimirIlyich]

1 hour ago, Rico1304 said:

We had a big screen in the back garden for the footy yesterday. I’ve just said the wife that if the guy hasnt come to collect it I’ll watch the Scotland game out there today. Straight away she says ‘you can pick Izzy up

from school’. Why is the first reaction to someone enjoying themselves ‘can’t have that, must get in the way’? 

I mentioned to my missus that when I drop her off at her job at the Asda I will pop in and get the shopping very quickly as the Scotland match is on. Quick as a flash she says 'Oh my god,I wish I had your life.'

[Chairman Meow]

35 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

I mentioned to my missus that when I drop her off at her job at the Asda I will pop in and get the shopping very quickly as the Scotland match is on. Quick as a flash she says 'Oh my god,I wish I had your life.'

I've had similar from a number of exes as a result of being self employed, "it's OK for you, you can do whatever you want all day". You know, because being self employed means you can just slack off and the money keeps rolling in. 

[manwiththestick]

Yep, mine is jealous with my "easy life" because I have been sat working from home in our box room since early last February and moans that I'm not tidying the house or garden or other tasks that she has to sort when she gets in.

[YorkshireRed]

After thirty years of moaning at my dad for golfing on his half day off, my mum eventually decided to take up the sport herself. 
 

Every time the wife complains that I haven’t emptied the bins I remind her of this. 
 

If the pattern repeats, in nine years I’ll be on easy street. 
 

Or divorced…

[Paulie Dangerously]

2 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

After thirty years of moaning at my dad for golfing on his half day off, my mum eventually decided to take up the sport herself. 
 

Every time the wife complains that I haven’t emptied the bins I remind her of this. 
 

If the pattern repeats, in nine years I’ll be on easy street. 
 

Or divorced…

Your dad must be gutted. 

[Section_31]

Both my wife and my mum do this. When they're a passenger in the car, they wait until you pull up, turn the engine off, open your door and are about to get out before initiating a long conversation.

[tokyojoe]

What amazes me is their inability to end a telephone conversation.

Bye then

Oh did you hear about 

No

Oooh etc etc

 

Bye then

Oh I must tell you

 

 

Rinse and repeat.