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Ezekiel 25:17

The world of a woman.

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4 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

She’s got a cob on because I felt too poorly to go to her mums yesterday for an Easter roast. Today she’s going for a walk with her mate and I’m tucked up in bed feeling like shit yet she’s been in an out slamming drawers moving stuff that doesn’t need moving. Basically pissed off that I’ve managed to get poorly off the vaccine and she’s been relatively fine. I’ll get an apology text soon but if I’m not up when she gets back she’ll moan 

she will moan either way. DNA

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On 04/04/2021 at 10:20, Section_31 said:

I'm not saying anything. I'm just leaving this here.

 

 

Are you pretending you’ve never got a three point turn wrong?

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My wife ordered a light fitting that arrived the other day. It was one of those like a lantern that hangs about 2 feet from the ceiling.  As it was going in the hall unless you wanted to bump into it with your shins it was useless so was going back. 
 

Today I get told to take all the cardboard boxes in the garage to the tip. Filled the car.  Turns out the light fitting was in one of the boxes.  She said it cost £150 so you can at least double that. 

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Reading this thread often makes me feel lucky - my missus doesn’t watch much telly apart from what we watch together so it’s me that could be criticised for watching shite, only it’s good shite like Salvage Hunters and The Deadliest Catch.

 

when I watch my shite, she heads off for a bath or to read or whatever. 
 

she has a horse so is out for at least half a day of each weekend, and a selection of evenings each week, and by and large that’s ideal for us.

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I’ve been repainting the hall, stairs and landing since I finally got round to installing the new bannister a month or two ago, and in the process decided to swap out my old, ugly doorbell with a new wireless one.

 

So part way through removing the old chime I snipped the 8 inches of now redundant cable and chucked it toward her stood in the doorway and shouted “don’t touch that cable it’s still live” and she reacted perfectly batting it to the floor, letting out a scream and jumping 3 feet backwards into the kitchen.

 

I laughed and laughed and laughed and then she hit me!

 

 

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On 05/04/2021 at 11:18, Rick Sanchez C-137 said:

 

My gf asked me why I didn't book time off to spend with her. Well, I was off saturday and sunday and she went to the shops, her mates house for drinks, and the rest of the time I saw the back of her phone.

I work shifts now in my new job and it's amazing. 3 on 4 off. The shifts rotate too so it's Sun, Mon, Tues for four weeks and then you get 7 days off before starting Weds, Thur, Fri for four weeks. The down side is when you finish on the Friday you go back in on the Sunday to start S,M,T and so on.

 

My Mrs loves this as it means there's loads of time for me to do jobs round the house and have tea ready but in polar opposites when she's off and I'm working she's told to take it easy and when I get in tea was started 5 minutes before I get in the door.

 

The spending more time together is often mentioned and we've booked a trip to Scarborough in June while I'm on the good change over. However, days off at home are regulated by seeing her son's new turf chimp and looking at the back of her phone too. Whenever my mum and dad want to do something with us, the moaning starts and mentioning her phone brings about an outburst of extreme whataboutery.

 

Strange creatures. Anyone would think they want everything on their terms.

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My sister in-law got a ticket for running two stop signs last week. She claimed it was all BS and that she would be going to court to fight it as she made perfect stops at both signs. I asked why he would give her a ticket if she didn't do anything wrong. While attempting to answer this she let slip that the cop told her not to bother fighting the ticket because he had it all on camera. She still insists she will fight it and win. Thing I find hilarious is she must have gone through the second sign while he had her lit up. 

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The wife has a habit of re-arranging things. Latest craze is to move all the cutlery from one drawer to a different one. Wtf is wrong with having it where it has been the last 10 years.

 

Her: It is better this new way. 
 

Fuck sake. 
 

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31 minutes ago, DJLJ said:

The wife has a habit of re-arranging things. Latest craze is to move all the cutlery from one drawer to a different one. Wtf is wrong with having it where it has been the last 10 years.

 

Her: It is better this new way. 
 

Fuck sake. 
 

 

I would move it around again so that she cannot find anything. When she kicks off, just say "it's better this new way". No need to explain.

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53 minutes ago, Trumo said:

 

I would move it around again so that she cannot find anything. When she kicks off, just say "it's better this new way". No need to explain.

Are you married? That is divorce material behaviour.

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1 hour ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

The other day she was telling me about a dish called Lobster Theodore.

The type that offers its female species a ride and murders them before hiding their bodies?

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*Thrusts envelope at me.

 

'What's this?'

 

'Traffic violation'

 

'What the fuck, from when?'

 

'A few weeks back, you entered a pedestrian area*'

 

'No, I didn't, let me look at that *looks at that* this is the third fucking letter, where are the others?'

 

'You know I don't open my post unless it looks important...'

 

£195 FUCKING POUNDS I HAVE JUST PAID AS IT IS NOW OUT OF DISPUTE TIME AND I DID NOT MAKE REPRESENTAION TO DISPUTE IT, ALL BECAUSE SHE ONLY OPENS LETTERS THAT LOOK FUCKING IMPORTANT. 
 

AS YOU CAN GUESS I AM FUCKLING LIVID AS NOT ONLY DID I NOT CONTRAVEN ANY TRAFFIC LAWS THIS WOULD HAVE COST ME £65 LAST WEEK!

 

*Pedestrain areas are time specific areas down here when cars are not allowed to enter and fucking stupid as they are not always signposted properly and it's a cunts trick by the council.

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15 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

*Thrusts envelope at me.

 

'What's this?'

 

'Traffic violation'

 

'What the fuck, from when?'

 

'A few weeks back, you entered a pedestrian area*'

 

'No, I didn't, let me look at that *looks at that* this is the third fucking letter, where are the others?'

 

'You know I don't open my post unless it looks important...'

 

£195 FUCKING POUNDS I HAVE JUST PAID AS IT IS NOW OUT OF DISPUTE TIME AND I DID NOT MAKE REPRESENTAION TO DISPUTE IT, ALL BECAUSE SHE ONLY OPENS LETTERS THAT LOOK FUCKING IMPORTANT. 
 

AS YOU CAN GUESS I AM FUCKLING LIVID AS NOT ONLY DID I NOT CONTRAVEN ANY TRAFFIC LAWS THIS WOULD HAVE COST ME £65 LAST WEEK!

 

*Pedestrain areas are time specific areas down here when cars are not allowed to enter and fucking stupid as they are not always signposted properly and it's a cunts trick by the council.

Were you driving her car?

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We were going to Bristol for the day on the weekend to have a BBQ for me old mans 65th and a few beers. She said it was no problem driving and didn’t mind me having a skinful. 

So she’s now gone and broken her collar bone the selfish cow so I have to drive. 
 

I swear she did it deliberately. 

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1 hour ago, lifetime fan said:

We were going to Bristol for the day on the weekend to have a BBQ for me old mans 65th and a few beers. She said it was no problem driving and didn’t mind me having a skinful. 

So she’s now gone and broken her collar bone the selfish cow so I have to drive. 
 

I swear she did it deliberately. 

Break the other one.

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3 hours ago, Bruce Spanner said:

*Thrusts envelope at me.

 

'What's this?'

 

'Traffic violation'

 

'What the fuck, from when?'

 

'A few weeks back, you entered a pedestrian area*'

 

'No, I didn't, let me look at that *looks at that* this is the third fucking letter, where are the others?'

 

'You know I don't open my post unless it looks important...'

 

£195 FUCKING POUNDS I HAVE JUST PAID AS IT IS NOW OUT OF DISPUTE TIME AND I DID NOT MAKE REPRESENTAION TO DISPUTE IT, ALL BECAUSE SHE ONLY OPENS LETTERS THAT LOOK FUCKING IMPORTANT. 
 

AS YOU CAN GUESS I AM FUCKLING LIVID AS NOT ONLY DID I NOT CONTRAVEN ANY TRAFFIC LAWS THIS WOULD HAVE COST ME £65 LAST WEEK!

 

*Pedestrain areas are time specific areas down here when cars are not allowed to enter and fucking stupid as they are not always signposted properly and it's a cunts trick by the council.

Yeah my wife likes to tidy up/hide my letters before I even know they have arrived. Fucking annoying. 

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6 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

We were going to Bristol for the day on the weekend to have a BBQ for me old mans 65th and a few beers. She said it was no problem driving and didn’t mind me having a skinful. 

So she’s now gone and broken her collar bone the selfish cow so I have to drive. 
 

I swear she did it deliberately. 

Broke mine years ago and drove everywhere. It won't be in a cast and she can drive with both hands near the bottom of the wheel at the 7 and 5 positions. Sorted

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1 hour ago, niallers said:

Broke mine years ago and drove everywhere. It won't be in a cast and she can drive with both hands near the bottom of the wheel at the 7 and 5 positions. Sorted

Staying in first gear all the way?

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