The world of a woman.

[A Red]

I must have a form of tourettes

 

My mrs says to me last night "god when this is over i'll be pushing 11 stone" To which I replied (i dont know what came over me) "nah, god! You havent lost that much weight"

 

Shes a size 10/12, has put no noticeable weight on at all and now isnt talking to me

 

[Remmie]

Wife wanted to go to the supermarket for a change as I normally do the shopping while I look after the kids. Asks if I want anything, some beer I say.

 

She comes back with 3 X 330ml cans.

[General Dryness]

3 hours ago, Remmie said:

Wife wanted to go to the supermarket for a change as I normally do the shopping while I look after the kids. Asks if I want anything, some beer I say.

 

She comes back with 3 X 330ml cans.

My mother in law does stuff like that. She lives on the same property as us, and we'll often ask if theres anything each other needs if we're going to the supermarket. She does things like, if I ask her for "some potatoes" I.e. enough to use in a meal, she'll come back with two. And not two large ones either. They'll be the size of golf balls. Yeah, that's gonna go round 3 adults and a child. Dunderhead.

[sir roger]

You guys should thank your lucky stars , my wife will usually forget 50% of what I ask her for , even if I give her a list. Has never once forgotten her wine funnily enough.

[VladimirIlyich]

10 hours ago, A Red said:

I must have a form of tourettes

 

My mrs says to me last night "god when this is over i'll be pushing 11 stone" To which I replied (i dont know what came over me) "nah, god! You havent lost that much weight"

 

Shes a size 10/12, has put no noticeable weight on at all and now isnt talking to me

 

I'd let my missus push me off a cliff if she ever got near 11 stone!

[General Dryness]

16 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

I'd let my missus push me off a cliff if she ever got near 11 stone!

PM me your address and I'll have a hundredweight of cake delivered.

[Harry Squatter]

My Mrs has become that used to moaning at me and blaming me for everything that she moaned at me for her leaving sharp knives out in the kitchen and her leaving my sons clothes on the bathroom floor after she gave him a shower last night.

 

She did these things, completely  forgot about it but noticed them 30 minutes after she did it and instantly thought it was me. 

 

When I pointed out her mistake stormed off in a huff.

[A Red]

19 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

I'd let my missus push me off a cliff if she ever got near 11 stone!

Like em fat eh?

[VladimirIlyich]

2 minutes ago, General Dryness said:

PM me your address and I'll have a hundredweight of cake delivered.

There'd be no chance she'd push me off then. She'd likely divorce me and marry the cake though.

[Creator Supreme]

11 hours ago, A Red said:

My mrs says to me last night "god when this is over i'll be pushing 11 stone" To which I replied (i dont know what came over me) "nah, god! You havent lost that much weight"

 

Fuck me that's brilliant, what a line!

[Bjornebye]

Me and her have just done a quiz. I asked "Who painted The Last Supper" ?

 

"I think it might be Michelangelo but he wasn't around then was he?"

 

It took me a good 5 minutes to compose myself during which she called me every cunt under the sun.  

 

Since then Ive been carrying it on "can you just get Judas to stay still please?" 

 

This was about half an hour ago I'm still pushing organs back in. 

[Jose Jones]

17 hours ago, sir roger said:

You guys should thank your lucky stars , my wife will usually forget 50% of what I ask her for , even if I give her a list. Has never once forgotten her wine funnily enough.

Are you married to a bloke?

[General Dryness]

11 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Me and her have just done a quiz. I asked "Who painted The Last Supper" ?

 

"I think it might be Michelangelo but he wasn't around then was he?"

 

It took me a good 5 minutes to compose myself during which she called me every cunt under the sun.  

 

Since then Ive been carrying it on "can you just get Judas to stay still please?" 

 

This was about half an hour ago I'm still pushing organs back in. 

Reminded me of this.

[Stouffer]

The Mrs. is watching a gameshow and one of the prizes is a dartboard. She said that the "clock" was actually quite nice. I told her the presenter had just said that it was a dartboard and as far I I knew there wasn't such a thing as a 20 hr clock.

 

I think she's finally starting to crack.

[Josef Svejk]

1 hour ago, Stouffer said:

The Mrs. is watching a gameshow and one of the prizes is a dartboard. She said that the "clock" was actually quite nice. I told her the presenter had just said that it was a dartboard and as far I I knew there wasn't such a thing as a 20 hr clock.

 

I think she's finally starting to crack.

Two day Jupiter clock...

[Josef Svejk]

On 11/04/2020 at 11:13, Remmie said:

Wife wanted to go to the supermarket for a change as I normally do the shopping while I look after the kids. Asks if I want anything, some beer I say.

 

She comes back with 3 X 330ml cans.

Almost a litre! But not quite, of course...

[Dougie Do'ins]

2 hours ago, Stouffer said:

The Mrs. is watching a gameshow and one of the prizes is a dartboard. She said that the "clock" was actually quite nice. I told her the presenter had just said that it was a dartboard and as far I I knew there wasn't such a thing as a 20 hr clock.

 

I think she's finally starting to crack.

[Paulie Dangerously]

On 11/04/2020 at 11:13, Remmie said:

Wife wanted to go to the supermarket for a change as I normally do the shopping while I look after the kids. Asks if I want anything, some beer I say.

 

She comes back with 3 X 330ml cans.

That is superb. 

 

I'm a messy sod and my side of the bedroom invariably has a pile of "not quite dirty enough to wash" clothes. She's been on on me for a few days to sort it out as it's my responsibility so I did and generally tidied my half of the room out of spite. She's just had a meltdown because we've a gas engineer coming to look at our boiler which is in the cupboard on her side of the room and the cupboard is overflowing with her clothes, toiletries and general mess. 

 

She tried to get me involved in tidying the cupboard and I said I'd fulfilled "my responsibility" on my side of the room. 

 

 

Lockdown is hard. 

[Remmie]

3 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

That is superb. 

 

I'm a messy sod and my side of the bedroom invariably has a pile of "not quite dirty enough to wash" clothes. She's been on on me for a few days to sort it out as it's my responsibility so I did and generally tidied my half of the room out of spite. She's just had a meltdown because we've a gas engineer coming to look at our boiler which is in the cupboard on her side of the room and the cupboard is overflowing with her clothes, toiletries and general mess. 

 

She tried to get me involved in tidying the cupboard and I said I'd fulfilled "my responsibility" on my side of the room. 

 

 

Lockdown is hard. 

Repped for tidying out of spite

[Trumo]

3 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

That is superb. 

 

I'm a messy sod and my side of the bedroom invariably has a pile of "not quite dirty enough to wash" clothes. She's been on on me for a few days to sort it out as it's my responsibility so I did and generally tidied my half of the room out of spite. She's just had a meltdown because we've a gas engineer coming to look at our boiler which is in the cupboard on her side of the room and the cupboard is overflowing with her clothes, toiletries and general mess. 

 

She tried to get me involved in tidying the cupboard and I said I'd fulfilled "my responsibility" on my side of the room. 

 

 

Lockdown is hard. 

 

I'm guessing that every day is like a lockdown once you actually manage to get IN your bedroom.

 

[Paulie Dangerously]

2 hours ago, Trumo said:

 

I'm guessing that every day is like a lockdown once you actually manage to get IN your bedroom.

 

The daily vault over the bedside cabinet keeps me fit 

[TheBitch]

8 hours ago, Remmie said:

Repped for tidying out of spite

Repped for repping spite. 

[Evelyn Tentions]

12 hours ago, Trumo said:

 

I'm guessing that every day is like a lockdown once you actually manage to get IN your bedroom.

 

One of the all time classics. Surpassed only by some of mooks ex-boss posts

[lifetime fan]

On ‎30‎/‎03‎/‎2020 at 20:53, lifetime fan said:

The woman who refuses to buy anything other than fairy washing up liquid as it’s a false economy has bought 54 rolls of bog paper for £4. 

 

This morning as I'm leaving for work...

 

Her: Can you pick up some loo roll when you're out?

Me: Haven't you ordered a load?

Her: Yes but it won't be delivered for a while (she starts mumbling and lowering her voice when she says this).

Me: When?

Her: When what?

Me: When will it be delivered?

Her: August.

[Trumo]

23 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

 

This morning as I'm leaving for work...

 

Her: Can you pick up some loo roll when you're out?

Me: Haven't you ordered a load?

Her: Yes but it won't be delivered for a while (she starts mumbling and lowering her voice when she says this).

Me: When?

Her: When what?

Me: When will it be delivered?

Her: August.

 

What year?