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Ezekiel 25:17

The world of a woman.

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15 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

The woman who refuses to buy anything other than fairy washing up liquid as it’s a false economy has bought 54 rolls of bog paper for £4. 

She's right about Fairy Liquid though.

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For any of those chaps that find themselves being given a long list of jobs around the house I have this...

 

It's anecdotal of course but some years ago I was going out with a girl that worked on a&e reception. After she had ensured me that she had never ever checked in a schoolboy with a pan stuck on his head, she did tell me that one of their busiest times was the bank holiday. Mainly injuries from DIY jobs.

 

Now under normal circumstances this is fine, I gashed my hand open a few months ago on a ceramic sink of all things. A bit of cleansing in the deep cut and some glue was all that was needed. But of course even on a School day at a quiet time it took ages waiting to be treated. So long they had to tear the wound open to clean it. 

 

During a pandemic and with hospitals being overloaded as it is, I'd imagine the last thing they need are people turning up after having injured themselves doing a bit of DIY. Plus do you want to be there at a hospital during a pandemic, really?

 

Tell the Mrs you're doing your bit, that you are thinking of those brave Doctors and Nurses and not loading the hospitals with unnecessary work by sitting on your arse and watching a bit of Netflix. I've already lectured my daughter on this and expect after this is all over to receive a few tins of beer from the future son in law in gratitude. 

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She’s driving me mad at the moment. She can’t relax and sit down for a minute, she brushes the floor and mops about ten times a day and just generally follows me around getting on my nerves. 
 

I had a glass of juice yesterday, drank half then put it down while I went for a wee. Came back 30 seconds later and she’d emptied it down the sink, washed the cup and put it away in the cupboard. 
 

Or the other morning I went for a shower and got a clean pair of shorts out of my drawer to put on afterwards and took them in the bathroom with me. Get out the shower and she’d somehow snuck in like a fucking ninja and took my shorts which were already in the washing machine. 

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I always wondered why my Dad used to stay up every night until about 1am in the kitchen with the radio on and reading his paper whilst having a few whiskeys. Now I know why. 

 

My mum had one of those universal soldier chips inserted into his leg and would never let him sit down or do anything. There would always be something that he wasn't doing or could do. This despite him having a very demanding job. 

 

Even when I moved out I'd go round and visit them he would be sitting down and my Mum would wait for him to get settled before asking him to give my sister a lift to her mates or ask him to go round the shop for an electric or gas card. I think the only time he ever got any peace was when she went to bed. 

 

I had a go at her once because my Dad would go out to see his mates on a Sunday night as they worked mad shifts so that was the only time that they could get together for a pint and play darts. This routine went on for a while before my Mum decided that Sunday evenings were a good day to go out together and meet her friends with him. Despite there being 6 other nights of the week she decided that Sunday was the only time that they should socialise. I said she was being an awkward bitch and should give him some time away from the house. My Dad has me to thank for getting her off his case.

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1 minute ago, Doctor Troy said:

I always wondered why my Dad used to stay up every night until about 1am in the kitchen with the radio on and reading his paper whilst having a few whiskeys. Now I know why. 

 

My mum had one of those universal soldier chips inserted into his leg and would never let him sit down or do anything. There would always be something that he wasn't doing or could do. This despite him having a very demanding job. 

 

Even when I moved out I'd go round and visit them he would be sitting down and my Mum would wait for him to get settled before asking him to give my sister a lift to her mates or ask him to go round the shop for an electric or gas card. I think the only time he ever got any peace was when she went to bed. 

 

I had a go at her once because my Dad would go out to see his mates on a Sunday night as they worked mad shifts so that was the only time that they could get together for a pint and play darts. This routine went on for a while before my Mum decided that Sunday evenings were a good day to go out together and meet her friends with him. Despite there being 6 other nights of the week she decided that Sunday was the only time that they should socialise. I said she was being an awkward bitch and should give him some time away from the house. My Dad has me to thank for getting her off his case.

It's the nagging gene, they're all born with it & with some of them it's completely out of control.

 

I sometimes wish I was bent for this reason but then the bloke who takes it up the shitter in a gay relationship is probably even worse than a woman. No tits for a start.

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16 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

The woman who refuses to buy anything other than fairy washing up liquid as it’s a false economy has bought 54 rolls of bog paper for £4. 

 

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31 minutes ago, Mook said:

It's the nagging gene, they're all born with it & with some of them it's completely out of control.

 

I sometimes wish I was bent for this reason but then the bloke who takes it up the shitter in a gay relationship is probably even worse than a woman. No tits for a start.

Yep, and never let a woman go on about men goi g on about "Man flu". Women are the biggest fucking hypochondriacs going. Loads of the ones I've worked with down the years are off for months with mystery ailments and go on about colds like they have been run over by a Vigin Pendolino train.

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2 hours ago, Mook said:

It's the nagging gene, they're all born with it & with some of them it's completely out of control.

 

I sometimes wish I was bent for this reason but then the bloke who takes it up the shitter in a gay relationship is probably even worse than a woman. No tits for a start.

 

If that was you, he'd have to dodge all sorts of flotsam and jetsam.

 

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4 hours ago, Mook said:

She's right about Fairy Liquid though.

I use Ecover because I like to stuff kale and quinoa up my batty 

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5 hours ago, Sugar Ape said:

She’s driving me mad at the moment. She can’t relax and sit down for a minute, she brushes the floor and mops about ten times a day and just generally follows me around getting on my nerves. 
 

I had a glass of juice yesterday, drank half then put it down while I went for a wee. Came back 30 seconds later and she’d emptied it down the sink, washed the cup and put it away in the cupboard. 
 

Or the other morning I went for a shower and got a clean pair of shorts out of my drawer to put on afterwards and took them in the bathroom with me. Get out the shower and she’d somehow snuck in like a fucking ninja and took my shorts which were already in the washing machine. 

Complete opposite from ours. We're 2 and half weeks into our isolation and my missus only gets up off the couch for a call of nature or to go to bed. 

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I’d kill for a bit of domestic violence right now. At the risk of coming across all Ron Jeremy, being cooped up because of this virus seems to have acted as some kind of aphrodisiac to my missus, especially for the last week or so. I can’t even walk past her without getting my arse squeezed. I honestly want to go to bed tonight and be allowed to just go to sleep.  

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1 hour ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I’d kill for a bit of domestic violence right now. At the risk of coming across all Ron Jeremy, being cooped up because of this virus seems to have acted as some kind of aphrodisiac to my missus, especially for the last week or so. I can’t even walk past her without getting my arse squeezed. I honestly want to go to bed tonight and be allowed to just go to sleep.  

Probably because she cant get out to see her other men because of the lockdown.

 

Don't shoot the messenger. I'm only telling you what the spirits are telling me.

 

 

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3 minutes ago, General Dryness said:

Probably because she cant get out to see her other men because of the lockdown.

 

Don't shoot the messenger. I'm only telling you what the spirits are telling me.

 

 

Its not even 10 am there yet. Jesus wept. 

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My mate and his mrs have separate bank accounts despite them being married with a couple of kids. He's been doing loads of mad hours racking up the overtime. His Mrs lost her debit card for the 5th time in 6 months so me let her use his while he was at work. She spent quite a bit on it but he just let it go and didnt say anything. 

 

She was out the other week and he asked her to pick up some beer for him. She was being all moody for days and said "when are you going to pay me back for those beers I bought?. About £7.50 compared to the £150 she spent using his card. He told her to fuck off and she wouldn't speak to him for about 2 weeks.

 

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My kids have realised very quickly in lockdown conditions that dad (for all his flaws) is their ally and that mom (for all her efforts) is a fucking loon.

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14 hours ago, Doctor Troy said:

Yep, and never let a woman go on about men goi g on about "Man flu". Women are the biggest fucking hypochondriacs going. Loads of the ones I've worked with down the years are off for months with mystery ailments and go on about colds like they have been run over by a Vigin Pendolino train.

Man flu is an actual biological fact, as you might have spotted with the coronavirus, and more men getting it than women.

Female immune systems are better at responding to the flu and similar viruses, so in general men get it worse.

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I often have a good chuckle at this thread but I don’t normally post in here for obvious reasons.

Mr Suzy is not good at sitting still, I quite often tell him to sit and just chill. Isn’t he lucky?!
Bloody annoying we can’t go out though and buy tiles at the moment as our kitchen was half finished when lockdown started and it would keep him occupied this weekend!!

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I'm working from home and the kids are also at home whilst she has to go to work, albeit part time. This week our office has had to furlough a number of staff as things have got a bit quieter I'm (luckily?), still on full wage but picking up a bit of slack for colleagues who are not in. My hours are 8am-4pm.

 

Her this morning before she left for work.

 

Her: you know Kate from work?

Me: not personally

Her: well, her husband is also working from home.

Me: and?

Her: well whilst he's working at home he's done laundry, ironed and put away clothes, fed the kids and put away all dishes,  done Joe Wicks exercises and school work with their kids and even started wallpapering one of their rooms. What have you done whilst I'm out?

Me: worked from home, he obviously isn't or at least not his full hours.

Her: maybe he has better time management.

Me: no love, he's taking the piss whilst getting paid.

 

 

 

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Bought some spaghetti from Aldi the other day, everything on the packet was in Italian, German, Russian and Arabic.

 

We had spaghetti for our tea before and she shouts me in whilst cooking it asking me if I think its ready. She said she didnt know how long to cook it for as all the instructions were in Italian. I just said it looked ready.

 

Putting the packet in the bin before and there was a picture on the front of a pan with steam coming out the top and a large 7 in a circle over it. With "Tempo do cottura  7 minuti"  next to it. You dont have to be a brain surgeon to work it out 

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