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Ezekiel 25:17

The world of a woman.

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Not sure if this goes in here or the getting older thread but this happened over Christmas. I put it on Twitter but will go here too...

 

"You can't play that Nana. 'diap' is not a word." 
"It's not 'diap', it's 'paid'."
"You can't play words upwards in Scrabble, Nana". 
"Why not?!! You let your dad have 'laid'." 
"He played 'dial', Nana." 
"It's One rule for one...with you youngsters"

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My Mrs mate is the biggest drama merchant and can over complicate the most simple thing ever. 

 

Before Christmas 4 of them went out and stayed in a hotel. They all agreed to throw in 40 quid each for food and drink. This woman says she will just pay everything on her card and then kept the cash for it. The others then tell her that if it comes to anything more she should let them know so they can give her any extra. They ask her twice during the night whether they owe anything and she says "oh dont worry, no probs".

 

Next day she kicks off on them because she put in an extra 15 quid during the night and accuses the others of taking the piss. She then stormed off home making out she's been had off by them despite over complicating the whole concept of a kitty and being asked whether they had put enough money in.

 

Every time they go out she does this. Had the unfortunate task of meeting her in town last week to get the kids presents off her. Even though we work about 5 minutes apart she managed to turn giving me a bag of presents into something more complicated than capturing Osama Bin Laden. Changed her mind about 5 times during the course of the day and where to meet. Then said she would drive down to ours on Christmas eve because it was easier even though she lives miles away. 

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A woman in work was telling us about where she is going for her summer holiday. Shes going to Crete and her daughter likes Greek mythology. She said that there are some ruins near Heraklion where the Minotaur story was supposed to be set and that they would visit them on a day trip.

 

Some dopey girl then turns round and says "oh I didnt realise that was a true story". 

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*watching frozen planet*

 

Woman: Would you like to walk across the Atlantic?

 

Me: *confused face*

 

Woman: *huffs* Would you like to walk across the Atlantic (said slightly louder than previously)

 

Me: That great expanse of water between here and North America? No I wouldn’t. 

 

And I wouldn’t want to walk across Antarctica either if that was what you meant. 

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9 minutes ago, TheBitch said:

*watching frozen planet*

 

Woman: Would you like to walk across the Atlantic?

 

Me: *confused face*

 

Woman: *huffs* Would you like to walk across the Atlantic (said slightly louder than previously)

 

Me: That great expanse of water between here and North America? No I wouldn’t. 

 

And I wouldn’t want to walk across Antarctica either if that was what you meant. 

Hahaha brilliant. Ive just read that out to my bird and she replied "Is that on the wives are dickheads thread?" 

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I've practically just been threatened with divorce because I dared to criticize her eldest son. I've practically been his father for 10 years and I'm officially his step-dad but apparently this doesn't mean I get a say if he acts a bit cuntish.

 

Today his mum went for breast cancer check (her mum died of it in 08). She'd felt something irregular so we decided to pai pay privately and get ebb l all three results in one day.

 

She's been sweating over this for 6 months. Thankfully the results came back negative although there's a benign swelling.

 

I've been killing myself all day over it in work while she went alone.  She tells her son all this and his reply? "That's good, can you drive me to a party tonight?"

 

I didn't kick off at him, didn't say a word. Just mentioned to my wife I wasn't happy with his reaction and note she's pissed off at me!!

 

Mentalist

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1 minute ago, Special K said:

I've practically just been threatened with divorce because I dared to criticize her eldest son. I've practically been his father for 10 years and I'm officially his step-dad but apparently this doesn't mean I get a say if he acts a bit cuntish.

 

Today his mum went for breast cancer check (her mum died of it in 08). She'd felt something irregular so we decided to pai pay privately and get ebb l all three results in one day.

 

She's been sweating over this for 6 months. Thankfully the results came back negative although there's a benign swelling.

 

I've been killing myself all day over it in work while she went alone.  She tells her son all this and his reply? "That's good, can you drive me to a party tonight?"

 

I didn't kick off at him, didn't say a word. Just mentioned to my wife I wasn't happy with his reaction and note she's pissed off at me!!

 

Mentalist

She has had a lot on her plate mate and obviously needs a release. You've born the brunt of it. Glad she got the all clear mate. Try and emphasise. 

 

Failing that, piss all over his bed while he's out. 

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6 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

She has had a lot on her plate mate and obviously needs a release. You've born the brunt of it. Glad she got the all clear mate. Try and emphasise. 

 

Failing that, piss all over his bed while he's out. 

I love the lad like he's my own. He was best man at our wedding but he can be a selfish twat sometimes.

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3 minutes ago, Special K said:

I love the lad like he's my own. He was best man at our wedding but he can be a selfish twat sometimes.

giphy.gif

 

 

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12 hours ago, Special K said:

I've practically just been threatened with divorce because I dared to criticize her eldest son. I've practically been his father for 10 years and I'm officially his step-dad but apparently this doesn't mean I get a say if he acts a bit cuntish.

 

Today his mum went for breast cancer check (her mum died of it in 08). She'd felt something irregular so we decided to pai pay privately and get ebb l all three results in one day.

 

She's been sweating over this for 6 months. Thankfully the results came back negative although there's a benign swelling.

 

I've been killing myself all day over it in work while she went alone.  She tells her son all this and his reply? "That's good, can you drive me to a party tonight?"

 

I didn't kick off at him, didn't say a word. Just mentioned to my wife I wasn't happy with his reaction and note she's pissed off at me!!

 

Mentalist

Just divorce the ungrateful bitch. That'll teach her.

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18 hours ago, Special K said:

I've practically just been threatened with divorce because I dared to criticize her eldest son. I've practically been his father for 10 years and I'm officially his step-dad but apparently this doesn't mean I get a say if he acts a bit cuntish.

 

Today his mum went for breast cancer check (her mum died of it in 08). She'd felt something irregular so we decided to pai pay privately and get ebb l all three results in one day.

 

She's been sweating over this for 6 months. Thankfully the results came back negative although there's a benign swelling.

 

I've been killing myself all day over it in work while she went alone.  She tells her son all this and his reply? "That's good, can you drive me to a party tonight?"

 

I didn't kick off at him, didn't say a word. Just mentioned to my wife I wasn't happy with his reaction and note she's pissed off at me!!

 

Mentalist

Punch her in the tit

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2 hours ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Got to admire the decication and determination of this one.

 

Chief bridesmaid ruins wedding with horrible lies and nobody knows why

 

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/chief-bridesmaid-ruins-wedding-horrible-17651805

 

Great quote in the comments section:

 

Quote

This is what it sounds like when Doves lie.

 

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12 hours ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Got to admire the decication and determination of this one.

 

Chief bridesmaid ruins wedding with horrible lies and nobody knows why

 

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/chief-bridesmaid-ruins-wedding-horrible-17651805


Horsey women in being batshit fucking crazy shocker. 

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On 29/12/2019 at 08:29, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I’m not sure if this is ‘world of a woman’ or ‘world of an animal lover’ material, but she was a woman and the other thread doesn’t exist so I’ll go with it here.

 

santa brought my little girl a rabbit hutch this year, along with a note from Santa saying he thinks she should go and choose her own rabbit from an adoption centre.

 

that was 3 days ago, and quite honestly I think Santa underestimated how much effort this process would take.

 

we visited the local rspca place on the 27th and got sent on our way without even being shown and rabbit, so yesterday drove an hour to near hull to a different adoption place.

 

fast forward to 8pm last night where me and my missus are on the phone to the “bunny woman” from that place doing an interview to make sure we’re serious about this whole affair.

 

We’ve had to go from the hutch Santa brought, and a run i was going to knock together myself, to the hutch, inside the shed (which they’ll have all to themselves) plus a run twice as big and twice as tall which I’m gonna have to buy and possibly then amend.

 

memorable quotes from the nutter on the phone were...

 

“We must put the bunny at the centre of everything” and my favourite “the needs of the modern bunny”.

 

she didn’t say it, but I’m pretty sure she was angling for us to offer to move into the shed and give the house over to the fucking rabbits.

 

we’re still a home visit away from being approved for adoption yet.

 

she also said she’d like to keep in touch after adoption, so I’ll now have to go through the ball ache of changing my phone number when this is all done.

 

the needs of the modern bunny.

I really want to know if you got your bunnies!

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