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The world of a woman.


Ezekiel 25:17
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Forza work bloo

 

We've got a mouse in our kitchen at the minute. It's been spotted only by me. MrsD is petrified of them and our recent conversations have been like fat Tony and his wife. 

 

"Have you killed the mouse? When are you going to kill the mouse? Why aren't you killing the mouse right now?"

 

She doesn't seem to understand that leaving a couple of traps out takes time and you're not going to catch it overnight. She is constantly googling mice and how to catch them and devices to remove or entrap them. 

 

I genuinely think she expects me to smear some brie on my face and camp out with a mouse sized crossbow 

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Just now, Paulie Dangerously said:

Forza work bloo

 

We've got a mouse in our kitchen at the minute. It's been spotted only by me. MrsD is petrified of them and our recent conversations have been like fat Tony and his wife. 

 

"Have you killed the mouse? When are you going to kill the mouse? Why aren't you killing the mouse right now?"

 

She doesn't seem to understand that leaving a couple of traps out takes time and you're not going to catch it overnight. She is constantly googling mice and how to catch them and devices to remove or entrap them. 

 

I genuinely think she expects me to smear some brie on my face and camp out with a mouse sized crossbow 

No disrespect Paulie but it I reckon that catching them overnight is probably a likely conclusion if you are putting traps down.

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12 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Forza work bloo

 

We've got a mouse in our kitchen at the minute. It's been spotted only by me. MrsD is petrified of them and our recent conversations have been like fat Tony and his wife. 

 

"Have you killed the mouse? When are you going to kill the mouse? Why aren't you killing the mouse right now?"

 

She doesn't seem to understand that leaving a couple of traps out takes time and you're not going to catch it overnight. She is constantly googling mice and how to catch them and devices to remove or entrap them. 

 

I genuinely think she expects me to smear some brie on my face and camp out with a mouse sized crossbow 

Have you considered getting a cat ? Not that it'll catch the mouse but It could be like having your very own Tom & Jerry cartoons without the need of putting the cartoon channel on.

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2 hours ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

 

Have you considered getting a cat ? Not that it'll catch the mouse but It could be like having your very own Tom & Jerry cartoons without the need of putting the cartoon channel on.

in our case on two occasions one of the bloody cats brought them in so they could then scurry behind the fridge dishwasher etc.

 

Get a little plastic mousetrap and put chocolate in it, not cheese. You'll wake up in the morning and the little sod will be in it. You can then be humane and take them out into a field.

 

Why the bloody hell women are scared of a little mouse is beyond me.

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Just now, tokyojoe said:

in our case on two occasions one of the bloody cats brought them in so they could then scurry behind the fridge dishwasher etc.

 

Get a little plastic mousetrap and put chocolate in it, not cheese. You'll wake up in the morning and the little sod will be in it. You can then be humane and take them out into a field.

 

Why the bloody hell women are scared of a little mouse is beyond me.

 

Yep- a bit of a Mars bar is good to catch the little bastards.

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2 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Forza work bloo

 

We've got a mouse in our kitchen at the minute. It's been spotted only by me. MrsD is petrified of them and our recent conversations have been like fat Tony and his wife. 

 

"Have you killed the mouse? When are you going to kill the mouse? Why aren't you killing the mouse right now?"

 

She doesn't seem to understand that leaving a couple of traps out takes time and you're not going to catch it overnight. She is constantly googling mice and how to catch them and devices to remove or entrap them. 

 

I genuinely think she expects me to smear some brie on my face and camp out with a mouse sized crossbow 

It won't be just one, it'll have friends. Buy an electric trap and it'll sort them out. Caught 5 of them under my sink with one of those. Check around for droppings to see where they move about.

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Try putting some flour in a sieve and give the area you think the activity is a light dusting be fore you go out for the day or last thing at night. They'll leave trails in the flour and you might be able to see how they are getting in. As has been mentioned, it'll certainly be more than one.

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2 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Yeah I know the theory of mice rather than mouse so just trying to get effective, child friendly solutions 

Just loudly, over-exaggerate a conversation with your missus about the house a few doors down being 'rammed with cheese'.

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We are saving for a wedding and she keeps going on about spending. 

 

Today she she decides she’s going to Manchester next weekend to see her friend but she needs some new clothes.

 

I point out that she’s got fucking loads of clothes but apparently she defo needs something new. She came home before with a load of bags and I ask how much she spent... £200!!!

 

So that was £200 on shit she will probably wear once, £55 on a train ticket and fuck knows how much she’ll spend down there.

 

I tell her that she keeps banging on about saving money but she is spending money on shite she doesn’t need and now I’m the worlds worst cunt.

 

They are all fucking mental.

 

 

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8 hours ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

 

Have you considered getting a cat ? Not that it'll catch the mouse but It could be like having your very own Tom & Jerry cartoons without the need of putting the cartoon channel on.

But some bizarre, slasher flick version of Tom & Jerry where Jerry ends each episode as a headless corpse with internal organs strewn about it.

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Their amazing ability to turn every single situation on you is amazing. 

 

I came home from work last night and she had brushed up in back room but left all the dust and shite in a small pile near the door. 

 

I went in the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea then sat down on the settee.  Then went back, cleaned my cup and sat down to talk to my son. 

 

She then says "i can't believe that you've walked past that pile of dust 3 or 4 times that I've  brushed up."

 

I asked if she was going to get around to putting it in a shovel and putting it in the bin. But even though I'd pointed this out I was a lazy twat for walking past a job she had half done while I had been in work all day.

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Hahaha. I had a variation of that last week- I actually got into trouble for cleaning the bathrooms. My crime was not realising that she'd done them while I was out. In retrospect I'm disappointed in myself for saying, 'well, they didn't look clean'. This was out of character, and I'd like to apologise to anyone offended for my subsequent actions.

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9 hours ago, Rico1304 said:

I’m in the good books.  She’s away with a couple of her mates who are in shit relationships  so I’ve had a few texts telling me I’m ace. 

 

 

Our nextdoor neighbours always fight and we hear them if we open the cupboard under the stairs and listen intently, which we do. 

 

The other week he told her to get out of bed and clean the house or he would stab her. She turned to me and says "I'm so lucky you know?"

 

Keeping that bar nice and low. 

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