The world of a woman.

[Paulie Dangerously]

What the fuck?

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-42648774

 

'Four women hurt after being hit by own car in Edinburgh'

 

'Four women have been hurt, two seriously, after being hit by their own car on an Edinburgh road.

 

The incident happened on Broomhouse Avenue in Edinburgh at 21:40 on Wednesday.

 

The women were in a Vauxhall Mokka and had got out to inspect the car. But it rolled backwards and hit them.'

 

Brian Harvey'd 

[Harry Squatter]

My sons speech and language teacher phoned me by mistake while we were on holiday. Same thing happened again last night.

 

Anyway, my mrs is now convinced i'm having an affair with her. This is despite the fact that she is 10 years younger than me, is too fit to be interested in a skint married man, has a boyfriend and would probably get the sack for gross misconduct if she ever shagged me.

 

Then she asked if i find her attractive and has a cob on now because of an imaginary scenario she has invented in her head.

[lifetime fan]

My sons speech and language teacher phoned me by mistake while we were on holiday. Same thing happened again last night.

 

Anyway, my mrs is now convinced i'm having an affair with her. This is despite the fact that she is 10 years younger than me, is too fit to be interested in a skint married man, has a boyfriend and would probably get the sack for gross misconduct if she ever shagged me.

 

Then she asked if i find her attractive and has a cob on now because of an imaginary scenario she has invented in her head.

 

Please tell me you lied!

[Rico1304]

My sons speech and language teacher phoned me by mistake while we were on holiday. Same thing happened again last night.

 

Anyway, my mrs is now convinced i'm having an affair with her. This is despite the fact that she is 10 years younger than me, is too fit to be interested in a skint married man, has a boyfriend and would probably get the sack for gross misconduct if she ever shagged me.

 

Then she asked if i find her attractive and has a cob on now because of an imaginary scenario she has invented in her head.

Now you’re worried she’ll check your internet history so you’re getting your alibi sorted. Good work.

[Paulie Dangerously]

My sons speech and language teacher phoned me by mistake while we were on holiday. Same thing happened again last night.

 

Anyway, my mrs is now convinced i'm having an affair with her. This is despite the fact that she is 10 years younger than me, is too fit to be interested in a skint married man, has a boyfriend and would probably get the sack for gross misconduct if she ever shagged me.

 

Then she asked if i find her attractive and has a cob on now because of an imaginary scenario she has invented in her head.

 

DANGER DANGER

 

[Harry Squatter]

Of course i lied....

[Guest Pistonbroke]

My missus is a speech and language therapist/teacher. I shall be checking her mobile when she gets back from work. 

[lifetime fan]

Of course i lied....

 

You don’t find her attractive?

[Trumo]

What the fuck?

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-42648774

 

'Four women hurt after being hit by own car in Edinburgh'

 

'Four women have been hurt, two seriously, after being hit by their own car on an Edinburgh road.

 

The incident happened on Broomhouse Avenue in Edinburgh at 21:40 on Wednesday.

 

The women were in a Vauxhall Mokka and had got out to inspect the car. But it rolled backwards and hit them.'

 

They got cocky and thought fuck all would happen. Sure put the Mokkas on them.

[tokyojoe]

What the fuck?

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-42648774

 

'Four women hurt after being hit by own car in Edinburgh'

 

'Four women have been hurt, two seriously, after being hit by their own car on an Edinburgh road.

 

The incident happened on Broomhouse Avenue in Edinburgh at 21:40 on Wednesday.

 

The women were in a Vauxhall Mokka and had got out to inspect the car. But it rolled backwards and hit them.'

The term 'handbrake' was clearly unknown to them.

[stringvest]

DANGER DANGER

 

 

 

that made me laugh out loud,.

[VladimirIlyich]

The term 'handbrake' was clearly unknown to them.

Its just something for men to play with while they're driving instead of their balls.

[Champ]

On a driving theme my daughter has decided she wants to learn to drive and buy herself a car.

 

Mr C: That sounds good. What kind of car are you thinking about?

 

Daughter: A red one

 

She’s not right, that girl

[General Dryness]

She's got the right idea, red ones go faster.

[Geoff Woade]

Got a couple to add to this.

 

My mates ex is thick as fuck but provided decent entertainment.

 

We booked as a group to go away to York and we're driving up as her dad calls. He asks where we are on the motorway as he's also on the M62, she goes 'in the middle lane'

 

Another time, when she's aged about 23 her parents decide she can finally be trusted to stay in the house on her own while they go on holiday. After a few days she rings my mate and asks him to go round to show her how to work the washing machine, he's like 'fuck sake' but goes round, tells her, when he says 'then that's it, press the start button' she looks at him and goes 'you thick twat, at least I remembered you need to put the water in, how do you do that?'

He tried to tell her it's plumbed in so it goes in automatically but she started calling him all sorts saying he was just telling her that so she'd look like a dick when he told his mates down the pub that she believed the water magically appeared in the machine.

 

She's a cracker to be fair, a load of us we're out one night and one lad who always lowers the tone started going on about how his piles were giving him gyp. She goes in front of everyone 'what are piles' someone explained it in the most gentle terms and she starts looking dead worried and just asks straight out 'can you get them from being bummed'

[littletedwest]

My sons speech and language teacher phoned me by mistake while we were on holiday. Same thing happened again last night.

Anyway, my mrs is now convinced i'm having an affair with her. This is despite the fact that she is 10 years younger than me, is too fit to be interested in a skint married man, has a boyfriend and would probably get the sack for gross misconduct if she ever shagged me.

Then she asked if i find her attractive and has a cob on now because of an imaginary scenario she has invented in her head.

Girl from work rang me the other year needing my help with something ( as I was her manager) she ended the call with " have a good day " I replied " You too"

 

She then asked did I love this girl as in her head she'd said "l love you" and I'd replied with her sat next too me " you too"

 

The girl no longer works for me but when we do speak on the phone now ends every call with " love you" as a joke

I obviously don't take her calls when with the mrs

[littletedwest]

My sons speech and language teacher phoned me by mistake while we were on holiday. Same thing happened again last night.

Anyway, my mrs is now convinced i'm having an affair with her. This is despite the fact that she is 10 years younger than me, is too fit to be interested in a skint married man, has a boyfriend and would probably get the sack for gross misconduct if she ever shagged me.

Then she asked if i find her attractive and has a cob on now because of an imaginary scenario she has invented in her head.

Girl from work rang me the other year needing my help with something ( as I was her manager) she ended the call with " have a good day " I replied " You too"

 

She then asked did I love this girl as in her head she'd said "l love you" and I'd replied with her sat next too me " you too"

 

The girl no longer works for me but when we do speak on the phone now ends every call with " love you" as a joke

I obviously don't take her calls when with the mrs

[Stouffer]

She doesn't like Sabotage by the Beastie Boys.

 

. Help.

[General Dryness]

She doesn't like Sabotage by the Beastie Boys.

 

. Help.

Stick her under the patio with the others and move on. It's the only way.

[TheHowieLama]

She doesn't like Sabotage by the Beastie Boys.

 

. Help.

 

Play another track first -- try this, if she cant move her hips here then time to check, check, check it out::

 

[Mook]

One of our clients has gone into liquidation, my boss, "Another one hits the dust."

[Pureblood]

I can't get it around my head. 

[General Dryness]

One of our clients has gone into liquidation, my boss, "Another one hits the dust."

They'll be going down like nine flies next.

[Harry Squatter]

Best way to get maximum drama is to update your Facebook status saying that your kid is in Alder Hey and make out they are dying even though they only have flu. You'll get the "u ok hun?" Brigade out in a flash telling you what a fantastic mother you are.

[Mook]

My boss again, we've been working in this new office in Princes Street (the main street in Edinburgh city centre) since 1st November & she turns round to me a minute ago, "Where is there to eat around here?".

 

Just. Fuck. Off.

 

After I'd finished ignoring that question...

 

"Is it cold outside?"