The world of a woman.

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

.

[lifetime fan]

I done the Christmas shop last night. She wrote me a list. I think I've mentioned her attention to detail with this kind of stuff before but I'm glad she was really thorough with it all or I'd have been lost. Gems like;

 

Meat

Stuff for tea

Stuff for kids

 

But the best one was the ice cream. The kids love a certain one so she quite lovingly wrote the brand of ice cream I needed to pick up. Which one? Cart door.

 

Cart door!!

 

Cart fucking door!!

 

 

Brilliant. 

[VladimirIlyich]

I done the Christmas shop last night. She wrote me a list. I think I've mentioned her attention to detail with this kind of stuff before but I'm glad she was really thorough with it all or I'd have been lost. Gems like;

 

Meat

Stuff for tea

Stuff for kids

 

But the best one was the ice cream. The kids love a certain one so she quite lovingly wrote the brand of ice cream I needed to pick up. Which one? Cart door.

 

Cart door!!

 

Cart fucking door!!

She's obviously a phonetics expert.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

Just had to take my 4 yr old to Alder hey to have bloods taken. Only one parent was allowed in so as my missus is flavour of the day, my daughter picks her to go in. So on the way home the missus says to me, her blood was really red you know! Well fuck me, who’d have fucking thought it. Yeah, she is blonde.

Not a snipe at yersef, but when did blood become bloods? I know the language constantly evolves but some shit fucks us right off. CF minute1 and 1 July instead of 1st

[stringvest]

Price point

[VladimirIlyich]

Not a snipe at yersef, but when did blood become bloods? I know the language constantly evolves but some shit fucks us right off. CF minute1 and 1 July instead of 1st

They usually take 2,3 or 4 vials to test for different possible medical conditions. 'Blood tests' rather a 'blood test' is more accurate,I'd guess.

[littletedwest]

Mrs niece has passed her test. She went on motorway with her brother when he noticed it was a 50 limit she was doing 70. She was telling us how stupid he is as everyone knows the limit is 70 on a motorway.

Explained it was 50 and she said she thought 50 referred to the number of cars allowed on that patch of road (?)

Think she'll be getting some points soon

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

They usually take 2,3 or 4 vials to test for different possible medical conditions. 'Blood tests' rather a 'blood test' is more accurate,I'd guess.

I have to get blood tests every 3 months at least due to my kidneys having more holes than stringy’s vest, it’s just the weird evolution of the language, and I’d love to know which fucker is responsible... so I can shoot the bastard. I think it’s because I see it being influenced more from America, and the British are allowing it. Same reason hearing a scouser pronounce soft th as in fick, Estuary English destroying the scouse dialect.

[Juniper]

For years the other half had been trying to get me to watch her DVD of Gone With The Wind, her favorite ever movie. Due to it being around four and a half hours long we never got round to it until a few months ago.

 

Now the disc is one of those ones you have to turn over for part two of the film. The first half ended with scarlet in the field saying the lines "I'll never go hungry again!". It ends and she turns to me asking what I though of the movie? "good ain't it, love that film!".....she had never seen the second half of the movie, ever. Her favorite ever film was Side 1 of Gone With The Wind and had been for years.

 

Just seen Gone with the wind is on.

 

Reminded her of this.

[Trumo]

Just seen Gone with the wind is on.

 

Reminded her of this.

 

Repped for reminding us of that anecdote.

[manwiththestick]

That's brilliant.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Fantastic that

[deiseach]

Looking forward to Christmas now. After all, tomorrow is another day.

[Mook]

How come my missus (8 months pregnant) gets contractions every time I say I'm going out to watch the game?

 

I keep telling her it's just butterflies & I've got them too but that's been going down like a knackered lift.

[Elite]

How come my missus (8 months pregnant) gets contractions every time I say I'm going out to watch the game?

 

I keep telling her it's just butterflies & I've got them too but that's been going down like a knackered lift.

Tell her you get contractions every time the ball goes near our defence.

[Harry Squatter]

Why can't any woman under 35 put their phone down for more than 5 minutes?

[Mook]

I've just come into the office, my boss is away to Tenerife tomorrow, "I was packing my suitcase last night, shorts & t-shirts while outside it's minus 6, I just can't get it round my head."

 

That's exactly word for word, what she said.

[Anny Road]

My missus is a growling fucker in the morning and I'm sick of her starting my day off in a shit way.

Yesterday I told her I am not arguing in the morning anymore if you start I'm just going to ignore you.

 

This morning the alarm goes off and the inevitable snooze button gets hit so I gets up for a piss and a quick face wash.

Cue her outside the door shouting that I am an inconsiderate bastard as I know she has an early appointment and wants the shower.

5 seconds later I exit the bathroom to another volley which I ignore and go get dressed.

5 minutes later she enters the bedroom and I stop her mid rant and say I am not arguing in the morning. To which she replies well you started it by ignoring me. Fuck me.

[Trumo]

...

5 minutes later she enters the bedroom and I stop her mid rant and say I am not arguing in the morning. To which she replies well you started it by ignoring me. Fuck me.

 

And did you?

[lifetime fan]

Early Saturday morning we’re off out for the day, the car is frozen over to fuck so tell her to wait inside, I’ll go scrape the windows and put the blowers on.

 

I’ve put the blowers on, done the windscreen and side windows when she comes out and decides to sit in the car to check I’ve put the A/C on full blast too.

 

I’m scraping the rear window when the silly cunt decides to put it in reverse to ‘get the car off the drive ready’.

 

I start beating the back of the car with my fist, I’m shouting and swearing at her calling her every cunt under the sun for trying to run me over.

 

Apparently I’m an ungrateful cunt for all my birthday presents and how is it her fault because ‘I couldn’t see out the back window, I didn’t know you were there, what have I done wrong’.

[lifetime fan]

The concept of not reversing if you can’t fucking see what’s behind you was obviously completely lost on her and I’m the cunt for ‘picking on her when she’s done nothing wrong’.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Text message

 

LadyD - Have you seen my debit card?

PaulieD - Nope

LD - Did you give me it back after doing the shop on Saturday?

PD- Yes, I put it on the kitchen table and you picked it up

LD - You sure? I can't find it anywhere

PD - 100%

*half an hour later*

LD - I've cancelled it.  I had it in my hand at the BP garage but their cash point was broken so I went to Tesco and by the time I got there I didn't have it *this happened today once she'd finished work*

 

I'm not sure how I would've seen a card she had in her hand whilst I was in work. 

[Rico1304]

We are have the bathroom done, need 15m2 of tiles. One tile we chose was £40m2 so that got fucked off. The next choice is smaller. She asks if we need more than 15m2 as it’s a smaller tile.

[General Dryness]

We are have the bathroom done, need 15m2 of tiles. One tile we chose was £40m2 so that got fucked off. The next choice is smaller. She asks if we need more than 15m2 as it’s a smaller tile.

Ask her what weighs more, a ton of iron or a ton of feathers. See how that goes and report back.

[Mook]

What the fuck?

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-42648774

 

'Four women hurt after being hit by own car in Edinburgh'

 

'Four women have been hurt, two seriously, after being hit by their own car on an Edinburgh road.

 

The incident happened on Broomhouse Avenue in Edinburgh at 21:40 on Wednesday.

 

The women were in a Vauxhall Mokka and had got out to inspect the car. But it rolled backwards and hit them.'