The world of a woman.

[Trumo]

Its a good job they have tits.

 

Tits or GTFO.

[Bobby Hundreds]

My mate's wife has just said

"It's really hard to be a police officer nowadays, you have to be a C3P0 first"

Can a robot be strong in the force?

[Harry Squatter]

My Mrs is going away for 5 nights with her mates next week. She's taken 2 weeks to pack.

[tokyojoe]

My Mrs is going away for 5 nights with her mates next week. She's taken 2 weeks to pack.

When I went for a weekend away with my ex in Brighton she packed about three times more than I packed for six weeks in Oz,

[Harry Squatter]

I've had daily updates about what she is going to wear to travel in. She's changed her mind about it every day.

[Evelyn Tentions]

I've had daily updates about what she is going to wear to travel in. She's changed her mind about it every day.

Wait for the last minute urgent shopping trip because she doesn't have anything to wear.

[TheBitch]

Having to pause Ozark every 10 fucking minutes to explain what's gone on and answer questions about things that are going to go on, where if we just carry on watching these things will be explained.

[Hand Shandy]

Bet she was looking at her phone...

[TheBitch]

Bet she was looking at her phone...

To be fair she wasn't, she's just that fucking dumb.

[littletedwest]

I work in retail. Told the missus if she rings me at work and I don't answer I'll ring back and don't keep ringing unless it's urgent.

Serving a fella other week when she rings three times so I excuse myself " sorry mate it's the Mrs must be urgent"

" hello what's happened?"

" can you bring a pen home?"

 

My customer understood my pain thankfully

[Harry Squatter]

Mine emailed me in work 3 times on Friday asking me where her iPhone charger was and accused me of taking it into work with me. Might have been onto something there but I have a Samsung phone so an iPhone charger is completely useless to me.

 

After pointing this out she accused me of just using the plug bit attaching it my charger wire. I had to reiterate that I had not taken them yet she still insisted on accusing me of it.

 

Got home and she never mentioned it until I asked her and she said it was behind the couch. No apology or fuck all.

[VladimirIlyich]

To be fair she wasn't, she's just that fucking dumb.

[Karl_b]

The latest episode of 'Hide Karl's Stuff' aired this morning.

 

Me: "Have you seen my watch?"

Her: "No"

"I took it off to do the pots last night"

"Have you tried the usual places?"

"Does that mean you've moved it?'

"No"

"Can't find it"

"Have you tried the bread bin?"

"No, why the fuck would I look in a bread bin for a watch? I definitely didn't put it there."

 

Guess where I found it? Why does she do this to me?! I hate losing stuff, even losing something worthless bothers me until I know where it is but she insists on hiding my stuff wherever is nearest to her, rather than put things away properly, for the sake of it being 'tidy'.

 

Argh!

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

The latest episode of 'Hide Karl's Stuff' aired this morning.

 

Me: "Have you seen my watch?"

Her: "No"

"I took it off to do the pots last night"

"Have you tried the usual places?"

"Does that mean you've moved it?'

"No"

"Can't find it"

"Have you tried the bread bin?"

"No, why the fuck would I look in a bread bin for a watch? I definitely didn't put it there."

 

Guess where I found it? Why does she do this to me?! I hate losing stuff, even losing something worthless bothers me until I know where it is but she insists on hiding my stuff wherever is nearest to her, rather than put things away properly, for the sake of it being 'tidy'.

 

Argh!

 

Breadbinned > binbagged

[Paulie Dangerously]

Was at my folks with ToddleD who was watching the really old Tom & Jerrys with my mum and dad. 

 

Me: I love these old ones, the violence is something you'd never get away with now

Mum: Yeah you would, you see worse in cartoons now

Me: Which ones?

Mum: Itchy and Scratchy is far worse

 

 

I think I blew her mind when I told her that I&S is a satire of T&J.  

[Trumo]

The latest episode of 'Hide Karl's Stuff' aired this morning.

 

Me: "Have you seen my watch?"

Her: "No"

"I took it off to do the pots last night"

"Have you tried the usual places?"

"Does that mean you've moved it?'

"No"

"Can't find it"

"Have you tried the bread bin?"

"No, why the fuck would I look in a bread bin for a watch? I definitely didn't put it there."

 

Guess where I found it? Why does she do this to me?! I hate losing stuff, even losing something worthless bothers me until I know where it is but she insists on hiding my stuff wherever is nearest to her, rather than put things away properly, for the sake of it being 'tidy'.

 

Argh!

 

Not that your point isn't relevant but if you can put stuff away in your own pockets, then do it. Huge time-saver and ballache-sparer.

[TheBitch]

Apparently Ozark is "very far fetched".

 

I'm gonna watch it on my own.

[Harry Squatter]

I have a bag I put all my stuff in like wallet, house keys, work pass and travel pass so it never miraculously goes missing. The minute I lend her my house keys I don't see them for weeks.

[manwiththestick]

Apparently Ozark is "very far fetched".

 

I'm gonna watch it on my own.

But she loves The Walking Dead right?

[Mook]

My train into work has been cancelled a couple of times recently.

 

I wander in at 8:35am today (I start at 9), "Was your train on time this morning?"

 

What the fuck do you say to that?

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

My train into work has been cancelled a couple of times recently.

 

I wander in at 8:35am today (I start at 9), "Was your train on time this morning?"

 

What the fuck do you say to that?

 

"Fuck off you insufferable cunt-stain."

[Lee909]

My train into work has been cancelled a couple of times recently.

 

I wander in at 8:35am today (I start at 9), "Was your train on time this morning?"

 

What the fuck do you say to that?

 

 

No it was delayed,I tried getting in at 8 as i need to carry your fat arse through the day as per normal

[Scott_M]

My train into work has been cancelled a couple of times recently.

 

I wander in at 8:35am today (I start at 9), "Was your train on time this morning?"

 

What the fuck do you say to that?

Yes.

 

And they say nothing else. That's what I do to people I don't like anyway, give them one word, closed answers so the conversation doesn't continue.

[Mook]

Those types of questions are met with a wall of silence, I think it's important to give people like that a few seconds for their brain catch up to where their mouth is.

[General Dryness]

What the fuck do you say to that?

Same thing as you say every morning mate.

 

"Git your mooth roond ma cock ye fuckin slag ye. And tickle ma baws while yir aboot it. And dinnae think yir gittin any Vaseline roond yir hole the morn, ah'm gaun in fuckin dry."