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Ezekiel 25:17

The world of a woman.

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Everyone knows that take a ways on a Friday don't add any calories especially for women on diets

 

Neither does the bottle of wine later on.

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Friday bacon buttie run in work and one of the women is on a diet, so we exclude her from the order. But it's okay, she's having one now because she only had a bowl of porridge for breakfast at home so should be alright to have a buttie, little miss two brekkies.

 

Has she done a sit up? She should reward herself with six packs of chocolate hobnobs.

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Has she done a sit up? She should reward herself with six packs of chocolate hobnobs.

She's just had a mint viscount because she's "ruined it today anyway with that bacon buttie."

 

It's all our fault for allowing her to buy one.

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My wife was cooking he other day and left the frying pan on the hob, forgetting about it. I was watching TV and her head poked around the corner and said, cool as a cucumber: "What do we do when the frying pan catches fire?".

 

I don't know about you but I would be inclined to extinguish the fire as soon as possible. She turned the extractor up to full power which didn't seem to do the trick.

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My wife was cooking he other day and left the frying pan on the hob, forgetting about it. I was watching TV and her head poked around the corner and said, cool as a cucumber: "What do we do when the frying pan catches fire?".

 

I don't know about you but I would be inclined to extinguish the fire as soon as possible. She turned the extractor up to full power which didn't seem to do the trick.

Extinguish it with a wet teatowel.

 

That'll work on the fire as well.

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Went out with our work team at the weekend for a free meal and drinks. Got tagged in a photo on Facebook..

 

Her: Who's the ugly girl you're sat next to?

 

Me: That's Sam. (She's not ugly)

 

Her: Never heard of her, why have you never mentioned her before, is it because you fancy her?

 

Me: I have mentioned her before, I told you about her when she started a few months back, she replaced Ian.

 

Her: Why did you sit next to her?

 

Me: Completly random, we all just sat down.

 

Her: Yeh, I bet. Anyway, she looks like a bitch.

 

Me: ....?

 

"The least I could do was make small talk after she gave me a blowey in the toilets."

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Guest Pistonbroke

Went out with our work team at the weekend for a free meal and drinks. Got tagged in a photo on Facebook..

 

Her: Who's the ugly girl you're sat next to?

 

Me: That's Sam. (She's not ugly)

 

Her: Never heard of her, why have you never mentioned her before, is it because you fancy her?

 

Me: I have mentioned her before, I told you about her when she started a few months back, she replaced Ian.

 

Her: Why did you sit next to her?

 

Me: Completly random, we all just sat down.

 

Her: Yeh, I bet. Anyway, she looks like a bitch.

 

Me: ....?

 

Well she certainly liked it doggie style!

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Went out with our work team at the weekend for a free meal and drinks. Got tagged in a photo on Facebook..

Her: Who's the ugly girl you're sat next to?

Me: That's Sam. (She's not ugly)

Her: Never heard of her, why have you never mentioned her before, is it because you fancy her?

Me: I have mentioned her before, I told you about her when she started a few months back, she replaced Ian.

Her: Why did you sit next to her?

Me: Completly random, we all just sat down.

Her: Yeh, I bet. Anyway, she looks like a bitch.

Me: ....?

Typical woman.

Every woman I work with ever who isn't ugly she knows they are all slags. Sadly they aren't.

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Women should be banned off Facebook. One on mine has called everyone a twat because 8 of her friends have only wished her a happy birthday. This is despite her not having the notification to tell everyone that it's her birthday. She's now backtracking and saying her account has been hacked. This was only after her error was pointed out to her.

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Went The Asda last night. The kids were staying out with my mum so we had a night off for the first time in yonks. Bought some beer and junk food, then I said to her to get some bacon in and I'll grab some tiger bread and I'll make her a bacon sandwich this morning before the bin lids come back, so off she pops to grab some bacon and I head to the bakery part. She then pays for the shopping while I go for a well deserved piss in the bogs.

 

This morning I slices the tiger bread, soft and thick and would look lovely with some crispy, fatty smoked bacon adorned upon glistening butter. I opens the fridge;

 

UNSMOKED

REDUCED FAT

MEDALLIONS

 

Her reasoning? It's healthier. HEALTHIER? Who's ever heard of healthy bacon? Needless to say it was a terrible, terrible breakfast.

 

If Charles Penrose is reading this she's buried in the back garden and it was all intentional. I'd do it again.

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Women should be banned off Facebook. One on mine has called everyone a twat because 8 of her friends have only wished her a happy birthday. This is despite her not having the notification to tell everyone that it's her birthday. She's now backtracking and saying her account has been hacked. This was only after her error was pointed out to her.

You need to choose better friends or better still delete them. The only females on my facebook are relatives who I ignore.

It seems people take this facebook lark far too seriously.

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Went The Asda last night. The kids were staying out with my mum so we had a night off for the first time in yonks. Bought some beer and junk food, then I said to her to get some bacon in and I'll grab some tiger bread and I'll make her a bacon sandwich this morning before the bin lids come back, so off she pops to grab some bacon and I head to the bakery part. She then pays for the shopping while I go for a well deserved piss in the bogs.

 

This morning I slices the tiger bread, soft and thick and would look lovely with some crispy, fatty smoked bacon adorned upon glistening butter. I opens the fridge;

 

UNSMOKED

REDUCED FAT

MEDALLIONS

 

Her reasoning? It's healthier. HEALTHIER? Who's ever heard of healthy bacon? Needless to say it was a terrible, terrible breakfast.

 

If Charles Penrose is reading this she's buried in the back garden and it was all intentional. I'd do it again.

This pig sides with the bacon.

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Went The Asda last night. The kids were staying out with my mum so we had a night off for the first time in yonks. Bought some beer and junk food, then I said to her to get some bacon in and I'll grab some tiger bread and I'll make her a bacon sandwich this morning before the bin lids come back, so off she pops to grab some bacon and I head to the bakery part. She then pays for the shopping while I go for a well deserved piss in the bogs.

 

This morning I slices the tiger bread, soft and thick and would look lovely with some crispy, fatty smoked bacon adorned upon glistening butter. I opens the fridge;

 

UNSMOKED

REDUCED FAT

MEDALLIONS

 

Her reasoning? It's healthier. HEALTHIER? Who's ever heard of healthy bacon? Needless to say it was a terrible, terrible breakfast.

 

If Charles Penrose is reading this she's buried in the back garden and it was all intentional. I'd do it again.

Red card offence that is

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Out this afternoon with 3 generations of them.

I could kill all 3 already.

You should have disposed of the gran about 50 years ago. Would have saved you a world of bother.

 

An ounce of prevention etc.

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I prescribe two ciders per generation per hour.

Good plan.

 

Just be careful how you go about it.

 

"Back in a bit, Hun. Just going over the pub with yer ma so I can get in Cider".

 

 

You might wake up dead.

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Went The Asda last night. The kids were staying out with my mum so we had a night off for the first time in yonks. Bought some beer and junk food, then I said to her to get some bacon in and I'll grab some tiger bread and I'll make her a bacon sandwich this morning before the bin lids come back, so off she pops to grab some bacon and I head to the bakery part. She then pays for the shopping while I go for a well deserved piss in the bogs.

 

This morning I slices the tiger bread, soft and thick and would look lovely with some crispy, fatty smoked bacon adorned upon glistening butter. I opens the fridge;

 

UNSMOKED

REDUCED FAT

MEDALLIONS

 

Her reasoning? It's healthier. HEALTHIER? Who's ever heard of healthy bacon? Needless to say it was a terrible, terrible breakfast.

 

If Charles Penrose is reading this she's buried in the back garden and it was all intentional. I'd do it again.

 

I don't know what an unsmoked reduced fat medallion is but I do remember one time my daughter brought into my house something called turkey strips. Which is turkey shaped like bacon, even in the same type packaging.

 

It stuck to the frying pan. There is not much justice in this world but that day it was served, unlike the turkey bacon.

 

Back when I was courting my now ex-wife, she thought she would pick me up a six pack as she was going to study for nursing exams and I was going to watch NFL. A nice gesture, the kind of thoughtful things young people in love do.

 

Old Milwaukee Light (Amercian light beer, which is like double light as their regular beer is four percent) is what she brought.

 

Looking back, I should have binned her on the spot...

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In all fairness smoked bacon isn't great.

But the rest is all bollocks

"Bollocks" or "The Bollocks"?

 

Answer carefully. Your man card may be on the line.

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"Bollocks" or "The Bollocks"?

 

Answer carefully. Your man card may be on the line.

Bollocks in what she got. Reduced fat and manliness.

 

I eat bacon nearly every day

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I don't know what an unsmoked reduced fat medallion is but I do remember one time my daughter brought into my house something called turkey strips. Which is turkey shaped like bacon, even in the same type packaging.

 

It stuck to the frying pan. There is not much justice in this world but that day it was served, unlike the turkey bacon.

 

Back when I was courting my now ex-wife, she thought she would pick me up a six pack as she was going to study for nursing exams and I was going to watch NFL. A nice gesture, the kind of thoughtful things young people in love do.

 

Old Milwaukee Light (Amercian light beer, which is like double light as their regular beer is four percent) is what she brought.

 

Looking back, I should have binned her on the spot...

We have turkey rashers here, but it's not the same as Turkey bacon in the US, I don't know which of the variants you get in Canada. Here at least it's pretty much fat free, so serves a purpose for some. I have no idea the point of the American version as it seems just as fatty as American streaky bacon, but is all reformed shite.

 

As for medallions, they're a bit like Canadian bacon, but maybe cut a little thinner. It's basically English back bacon without the tasty fatty bit.

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