The world of a woman.

[manwiththestick]

There is no need for that level of bad literacy, be it woman, man or child. Basic tests should have to take place before being allowed to post on the internet.

[Bjornebye]

Her earlier "why are they going after the small countries all of a sudden?" (Isis)

 

"Australia is huge?"

 

"yeah but it isn't america or england"

 

"you are aware that a world exists apart from britain and america right?"

 

"oh fuck off" 

[Liverpool lad]

That girl has graduated

[Teasmaid]

That girl has graduated

She might be a good speller, just with really fat thumbs.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

She might be a good speller, just with really fat thumbs.

Looks like she typed that message with her clout. 

[lifetime fan]

She might be a good speller, just with really fat thumbs.

Oi. There's nothing wrong with sausage fingers.

[Trumo]

That girl has graduated

 

I thought you were talking about Stig's bird for a moment. The statement would be accurate regardless.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Oi. There's nothing wrong with sausage fingers.

Teh woemn lvoe Tehm.*

[RJ Fan club]

 

Taken from my Facebook

You should have translated for those who don't speak mong. It took me a good minute there.

[General Dryness]

You should have translated for those who don't speak mong. It took me a good minute there.

 

You should spend more time on the FF.

[RJ Fan club]

You should spend more time on the FF.

Fuck that, I'd rather a weeks full board with Dignitas.

[General Dryness]

Fuck that, I'd rather a weeks full board with Dignitas.

 

Sometimes it feels like it, my friend.

[Trumo]

 

Taken from my Facebook

 

Denise Tooth?

[stringvest]

She might be a good speller, just with really fat thumbs.

 

phwoaaaar!

[RoboRiise]

Two sat near me in work discussing the Peshawar school massacre:

 

"Ooh I saw that on the news, terrible isn't it"

 

"Yeah it must be awful for the parents, especially so near to Christmas."

 

I got as far as drawing breath to say something, then just got up and went for a cig instead.

[Scott_M]

One thing that annoys me about my wife is how long it takes her to do anything.

 

We had to make an insurance claim on a new TV, Halifax are jerking about paying out. I'm asking her to a call them to chase - I'll do it tonight, I'll do it tomorrow, I'll do it this morning - and never does it. She did the same when she broke my Mac Book Pro.

 

We get takeaway, which instead of just tipping on the plate to ensure it's hot, she properly plates up like we're in a 5 star restaurant.

 

Her holiday year at work is April to April. We want to go away in March for a week so she needs to ask if she can transfer a week from her 2015 entitlement (and out her maternity leave) into March. While we're waiting the prices of the flights are going up and up and up. It's a simple fucking request, just ask.

 

There are more examples but I can't be bothered going into them. Of course though when I continually ask for her to do stuff and hurry up, she eventually gets pissed off at me and has a go for nagging her. Maybe if she did what I asked first fucking time she wouldn't get so irate.

[RJ Fan club]

One thing that annoys me about my wife is how long it takes her to do anything.

 

We had to make an insurance claim on a new TV, Halifax are jerking about paying out. I'm asking her to a call them to chase - I'll do it tonight, I'll do it tomorrow, I'll do it this morning - and never does it. She did the same when she broke my Mac Book Pro.

 

We get takeaway, which instead of just tipping on the plate to ensure it's hot, she properly plates up like we're in a 5 star restaurant.

 

Her holiday year at work is April to April. We want to go away in March for a week so she needs to ask if she can transfer a week from her 2015 entitlement (and out her maternity leave) into March. While we're waiting the prices of the flights are going up and up and up. It's a simple fucking request, just ask.

 

There are more examples but I can't be bothered going into them. Of course though when I continually ask for her to do stuff and hurry up, she eventually gets pissed off at me and has a go for nagging her. Maybe if she did what I asked first fucking time she wouldn't get so irate.

Yep another one of those in my house.

 

Flights, hotels, early overpayments on the mortgage, finding the MoT, leave requests, phoning the utilities, etc the list goes on. Probably has cost us proper dollar over the years.

 

It might sound like I'm lazy asking her, but I assure you I would have done all the leg work, all the searches, booked my leave, and in many cases her leg work too.

 

Drives me fucking potty

[Champ]

Yep another one of those in my house.

 

Flights, hotels, early overpayments on the mortgage, finding the MoT, leave requests, phoning the utilities, etc the list goes on. Probably has cost us proper dollar over the years.

 

It might sound like I'm lazy asking her, but I assure you I would have done all the leg work, all the searches, booked my leave, and in many cases her leg work too.

 

Drives me fucking potty

 

Play to your strengths, mate. Its the only way to a harmonious relationship. For years it drove me made that Mr Champ did not do his share of the housework and it doesnt really matter what the reasons were, he just didnt do it. Things became easier when I reduced my working hours and I do nearly all of that but he makes up for it in other ways. He's shit at bills and money but good at thinking ahead and booking stuff.

It may all look a bit stereotypical but it works for us

[bigbak]

One thing that annoys me about my wife is how long it takes her to do anything.

 

We had to make an insurance claim on a new TV, Halifax are jerking about paying out. I'm asking her to a call them to chase - I'll do it tonight, I'll do it tomorrow, I'll do it this morning - and never does it. She did the same when she broke my Mac Book Pro.

 

We get takeaway, which instead of just tipping on the plate to ensure it's hot, she properly plates up like we're in a 5 star restaurant.

 

Her holiday year at work is April to April. We want to go away in March for a week so she needs to ask if she can transfer a week from her 2015 entitlement (and out her maternity leave) into March. While we're waiting the prices of the flights are going up and up and up. It's a simple fucking request, just ask.

 

There are more examples but I can't be bothered going into them. Of course though when I continually ask for her to do stuff and hurry up, she eventually gets pissed off at me and has a go for nagging her. Maybe if she did what I asked first fucking time she wouldn't get so irate.

 

Apparently you should clear you cookies when returning to look at flight prices.  They track what you did before and inflate the price to make you panic.

I've never tried it though so it could be bollocks.

[Paulie Dangerously]

I genuinely think I'd be living in a cardboard box if it wasn't for my missus. She sorts everything out with the house account and I just run the hoover round a bit every now and again and tell her that her hair looks nice when it's been done even though I know she has done it herself.

 

 

[Red Dawn]

So yesterday morning both of us under pressure for the school run and work and she's only gone and killed the battery on her car by leaving the door not fully closed. She says.."Oh I thought the battery was gone on the key remote when I went to lock it last night"....Grrrrrr you muppet...it wont lock because you left a door open and the light has killed the battery. So kids late for school and parents late for work.

 

Fine..got over that little drama....but...fucking hell this morning...she takes my car with the kids as that was the one at the front of the drive.

I mosey on out hop in her car and drive about 50 yards down the road..fucking door ajar again but this time no light on so battery is fine..drive another 50 yards down the road and feel a fucking puncture. Big fuck off nail planted in the front tyre which she obviously done yesterday leaving the tyre to slowly die overnight.

 

So pissing rain change the tyre and get into work late again..phonecall to herself and she admits abosolutely zero responsibility for the latest shenanigan.

 

So within the space of 24 hrs she has managed to fuck up both cars making me late for work on both days and yet is annoyed with me because I am annoyed with her!!!!!!!!!!...Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Remmie]

I snore, I admit it, I even woke myself up from it a couple times. But I was lying awake in the early hours and Mrs Remmie tells me to roll over she can't sleep because I'm snoring. I know I'm not snoring because I am awake and can hear myself, so she must have dreamt that I was snoring. God knows how long that's been going on, didn't think I snored as much as she claims.

[Robbo29]

Same here Rem, my mrs has done this to me loads, wont have it when i say i was awake so couldnt have been snoring

[manwiththestick]

Yep me too, snoring whilst awake apparently. Had it loads over the last fews weeks even slept on the couch to avoid digs in the ribs. Now she's got a bad cough which isn't subsiding even at night which is a bit disrupting but I'm keeping schtum unitl next time she mentions my snoring again.

[Mook]

When I'm drunk, I'll snore & roll about a bit, when I go to work the next day I'll get the most horrible text, 'Thanks for last night, didn't get a wink of sleep you bastard etc etc', without fail.

 

If she keeps me up with rolling about or her talking in the sleep thing she does, I just accept it like a grown adult & don't hold a grudge.

 

Imagine that eh.