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The world of a woman.


Ezekiel 25:17
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Guest Pistonbroke

I was sat in the dentists this morning awaiting my annual check up and this bird I know walked in. She said "Gordon, what are you doing here?" So I said "I think I've broke my arm" to which she replied, "You poor thing, hope the X-ray shows up it is nothing serious" then sat down and started reading a mag....thick fucking cow. 

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Didn't know your name was Gordon!

 

Anyway, my mate's car went in for repairs on Monday and it will be a couple of days before it's ready. They don't do courtesy cars but he wasn't bothered as his missus could drive him to work in her car in the mornings as it's on her route, and he'd make his own way back when finished. Yesterday morning they left the house and somehow she'd decided to not bother taking her house keys because he usually gets home before her anyway. She made no mention of this at all. Cue the evening and she's standing outside their house knocking on the door and ringing the bell but of course, no-one's home. When he eventually turns up (having caught a bus and walked another 10-15 minutes), she's sat in the car with the heating on, busting for a piss and with a face like a slapped arse (thanks Col!). When they got in the house, she goes apeshit and accuses him of being thoughtless and fails to understand his perfectly valid points about not knowing she hadn't bothered with her house keys, and that he'll be home later than usual because he'll be using public transport. Why do all women assume you can read their minds, only to be shocked and angry when it turns out that you can't?

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She's just realised she left her shopping bag of stuff from Boots on the self service till today. I asked her how much worth she left and it was around £30 worth of baby milk and creams and stuff. I tell her she'll have to call back in the morning to get them to check they've picked it up and put it away for her. Her reply? "oh God no, I'd be embarrassed going back in for it." She can get to fuck, I'll be standing over her when I make her call them back and admit she's a tit for leaving it there in the first place.

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Was just watching that Joanna Yeates programme, conversation went something like this.

 

Me: he's good this actor, looks and sounds just like Chris Jefferies.

 

Her: who's Chris Jefferies?

 

Me: the guy the programme is about, from the murder a few years back.

 

Her: how do you know?

 

Me: it was all over the news.

 

Her: never heard of it, what happened, did they find him guilty, he looks guilty to me.

 

Me: you're watching it, maybe it's best I say nothing more rather than spoil this programme you chose to watch.

 

Her: Well I reckon it was him, or the boyfriend. Go on tell me.

 

Me: it's nearly finished and there is a second part, are you going to watch the second part?

 

Her: yes.

 

Me: and you want me to tell you how it plays out?

 

Her: yes.

 

Me: the Dutch guy did it.

 

Her: yeh, thought he looked a bit dodgy, can't wait to watch the next part.

 

Jesus tonight.

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I'm playing games with the hippos in work, when they're not looking I'm putting chocolates right by them and walking off for a couple of minutes.

 

Without fail every time I come back the chocolates have disappeared. I've only been back in work two days and despite them all doing so well on their diets 2 large tins of quality street have miraculously disappeared.

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I'm playing games with the hippos in work, when they're not looking I'm putting chocolates right by them and walking off for a couple of minutes.

 

Without fail every time I come back the chocolates have disappeared. I've only been back in work two days and despite them all doing so well on their diets 2 large tins of quality street have miraculously disappeared.

Haha you evil genius

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I'm playing games with the hippos in work, when they're not looking I'm putting chocolates right by them and walking off for a couple of minutes.

 

Without fail every time I come back the chocolates have disappeared. I've only been back in work two days and despite them all doing so well on their diets 2 large tins of quality street have miraculously disappeared.

 

That's a bit cruel. And a lot hilarious.

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I'm playing games with the hippos in work, when they're not looking I'm putting chocolates right by them and walking off for a couple of minutes.

Without fail every time I come back the chocolates have disappeared. I've only been back in work two days and despite them all doing so well on their diets 2 large tins of quality street have miraculously disappeared.

You have bought 2 big tins of sweets just so you can get a bit of amusement at their expense???

 

Is it time for The World of a Man or more accurately Colin's World thread, do you think?

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All the women in my work are like hyenas over the Christmas season. Despite the fact that they would resent me for touching sweets that could have been theirs, they also chastise me for not partaking in this annual glut-fest. I think my abstinence somehow increases their guilt.

 

That's one thing I noticed. The women all seem to have such a strong emotional response to a few chocolates. The men either eat them, or don't. There's no drama.

 

Woman: Oh there's a new box of sweets. *scoff* Here, have a few...

Me: No, I'm good thanks.

Woman: Awk have a few, it's christmas.

Me: Honestly, I'm alright thanks. I just had lunch.

Woman: So did I, but just see it as a dessert! Haa!

Me: I. Don't. Want. Any. Sweets. Thanks.

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