The world of a woman.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

9:20:

 

Her: Can I borrow your car?

Me: yes, of course.

 

9:45:

 

(Phone call)

 

Her: I've just scraped your car, it's really bad, all along the passenger side. I thought the parking space was too small.

Me: Sigh, it's ok.

 

I'd have been more honest than that. Somewhere between "It's not OK" and "Your paying for it cuntstick".

[lifetime fan]

9:20:

 

Her: Can I borrow your car?

Me: yes, of course.

 

9:45:

 

(Phone call)

 

Her: I've just scraped your car, it's really bad, all along the passenger side. I thought the parking space was too small.

Me: Sigh, it's ok.

But still tried to park there???

[lifetime fan]

Watching a film neither of us have ever seen before.

 

Her: Why doesn't he do this? Why don't they do that? Why's that happening?

[Rico1304]

But still tried to park there???

Yep. I'm willing to bet the rest of the car park was empty too.

[Champ]

(Phone call)
Her: I've just scraped your car, it's really bad, all along the passenger side. I thought the parking space was too small.
Me: Sigh, it's ok.

If you ever get tired of your missus you know where I am x

[setreal]

Your move, rico.

[lifetime fan]

Yep. I'm willing to bet the rest of the car park was empty too.

I watched my mates wife reverse the length of an empty car park and go straight into a skip taking out the rear window on his estate.

[VladimirIlyich]

(Phone call)

Her: I've just scraped your car, it's really bad, all along the passenger side. I thought the parking space was too small.

Me: Sigh, it's ok.

 

If you ever get tired of your missus you know where I am x

 

What is this place now,Plenty of Fish?

[Paulie Dangerously]

Hungover on Saturday I offered to drive to a fast food outlet. As we were leaving this occurred

 

Her - are you sure you're ok to drive?

Me - I should be. I feel rough though

Her - shall I do it then?

Me - yeah. Yeah that's probably best if you don't mind.

Her - tut! Well you might've told me earlier. I've got to change my shoes now!!!

[lifetime fan]

I thought all women drove in bare feet?

[Stu Monty]

9:20:

 

Her: Can I borrow your car?

Me: yes, of course.

 

9:45:

 

(Phone call)

 

Her: I've just scraped your car, it's really bad, all along the passenger side. I thought the parking space was too small.

Me: Sigh, it's ok.

 

My motor decided to die on the way back from the airport this week.

 

My missus has asked if she can drive my old man's car (that I've borrowed whilst it gets sorted). It's worth about 10 times what mine is. Now THAT is a decision.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

My motor decided to die on the way back from the airport this week.

 

My missus has asked if she can drive my old man's car (that I've borrowed whilst it gets sorted). It's worth about 10 times what mine is. Now THAT is a decision.

 

And an easy one at that. No.

[Tom araya]

She has just walked back from the shops,carrying 3 bags of shopping,forgetting that she drove there!!!!I shit you not.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Hungover on Saturday I offered to drive to a fast food outlet. As we were leaving this occurred

 

Her - are you sure you're ok to drive?

Me - I should be. I feel rough though

Her - shall I do it then?

Me - yeah. Yeah that's probably best if you don't mind.

Her - tut! Well you might've told me earlier. I've got to change my shoes now!!!

 

Hahahahahahahahahaha

[Bjornebye]

Tom araya hahahahahahahaha fucking hell

[Trumo]

She has just walked back from the shops,carrying 3 bags of shopping,forgetting that she drove there!!!!I shit you not.

 

That will be your fault no doubt.

 

Also, there aren't many better expressions than "face like a slapped ass".

[Harry Squatter]

Women getting ready for a Christmas night out should be turned into an Olympic sport.

[Guest davelfc]

She has just walked back from the shops,carrying 3 bags of shopping,forgetting that she drove there!!!!I shit you not.

 

They rarely forget things like that, if you've got to now go and recover the car, you can bet she jumped a cab for no logical reason than to make you do something. That's how they think.

 

(That or she forgot where she parked, now that they do all of the time)

[Tom araya]

Well she asked for a lift back to the shop so I told her to take my car,you want to see the confused face on her.

[Harry Squatter]

Woman's idea of a Christmas night out:

 

Spend weeks looking for a dress in the Internet or constantly going shopping for it or looking for accessories. Pretend that you are going on a diet because you reckoned you looked fat on last years photos.

 

Constantly talking about it to your mates about it, falling out with anyone who hasn't paid or who is supposed to be organising it.

 

Spend a fortune on make up and stay all day in the hairdressers or get one of your mates mates to come out and do it at your house. Get your nails, eyebrows or eyelashes done. The day leading up to the night out is a complete write off as you must get ready all fucking day and walk round the shops with rollers in your hair so every fucker who sees you knows you are going out that night.

 

After you've finally got ready and 500 texts and 20 Facebook status updates later one of your friends is running late so you are hanging round for them. Even though they have had all fucking day to get ready too.

 

None of you call all go straight to the venue so you must all get a taxi to one of your mates houses for some wine and group photos which get uploaded onto Facebook within 5 minutes.

 

Finally get there, get bladdered, moan about all the letchy men eyeing you and your mates up even though some have gone out wearing less than female cast members of Baywatch.

 

Get bladdered, can't remember a thing, fall out with one of your mates over fuck all then get home and spend the entire next day in bed or cringing at all the Facebook photos that were uploaded by one of your mates who didn't drink as much. Text each other asking who fell out with who. Same again next year.

 

Mans:

 

Where do you reckon we go this year?. Not arsed, lets get hammered. I'm getting off work at 3, I'll just go straight out after work, might go home and get changed depending on what time it is. Meet in pub, get bladdered, go the chippy on the way home. No incriminating photos posted on Facebook.

[Captain Turdseye]

"Stop trying to finger me while I'm frying these onions"

 

 

The first and probably last time anyone will say that to me.

[lifetime fan]

"Stop trying to finger me while I'm frying these onions"

 

 

The first and probably last time anyone will say that to me.

 

Ran out sorry mate but I'll be coming back.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

"Stop trying to finger me while I'm frying these onions"

 

 

The first and probably last time anyone will say that to me.

 

There's always tomorrow

[Trumo]

"Stop trying to finger me while I'm frying these onions"

 

 

The first and probably last time anyone will say that to me.

 

If you do it while she's still chopping them, it will certainly bring a tear to your eye.

[Captain Turdseye]

Ran out sorry mate but I'll be coming back.

I knew you'd like that one.