The world of a woman.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Woman in work puts her ready meal in the microwave, it comes out too hot, woman puts meal back in microwave on Defrost to "cool it down".

[Unrighteous]

Woman in work puts her ready meal in the microwave, it comes out too hot, woman puts meal back in microwave on Defrost to "cool it down".

 

Did you manage to hold back your laughter? I just see that happening in my mind and you filling up the room with your laughter.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Did you manage to hold back your laughter? I just see that happening in my mind and you filling up the room with your laughter.

 

I don't find these things funny in the slightest Lance, they disturb me greatly if anything.

[RedinSweden]

Woman in work puts her ready meal in the microwave, it comes out too hot, woman puts meal back in microwave on Defrost to "cool it down".

 

You are joking aren't you? Please tell me you are.

[Unrighteous]

I don't find these things funny in the slightest Lance, they disturb me greatly if anything.

 

Oh, because I found it very, very funny.

[Juniper]

For years the other half had been trying to get me to watch her DVD of Gone With The Wind, her favorite ever movie. Due to it being around four and a half hours long we never got round to it until a few months ago.

 

Now the disc is one of those ones you have to turn over for part two of the film. The first half ended with scarlet in the field saying the lines "I'll never go hungry again!". It ends and she turns to me asking what I though of the movie? "good ain't it, love that film!".....she had never seen the second half of the movie, ever. Her favorite ever film was Side 1 of Gone With The Wind and had been for years.

 

Just took a call from her that lasted ten seconds, asking me what toothbrush I use. I didn't even ask why........Pointless

[Unrighteous]

For years the other half had been trying to get me to watch her DVD of Gone With The Wind, her favorite ever movie. Due to it being around four and a half hours long we never got round to it until a few months ago.

 

Now the disc is one of those ones you have to turn over for part two of the film. The first half ended with scarlet in the field saying the lines "I'll never go hungry again!". It ends and she turns to me asking what I though of the movie? "good ain't it, love that film!".....she had never seen the second half of the movie, ever. Her favorite ever film was Side 1 of Gone With The Wind and had been for years.

 

Just took a call from her that lasted ten seconds, asking me what toothbrush I use. I didn't even ask why........Pointless

 

For the love of everything holy, what the fuck?

[Juniper]

For the love of everything holy, what the fuck?

 

True story, I pissed myself for a whole day after that. I should have twigged when I asked her when the famous "frankly my dear, I don't give a damn scene" and she denied that it was in the movie.

[Fowlers God]

For the love of everything holy, what the fuck?

 

For years the other half had been trying to get me to watch her DVD of Gone With The Wind, her favorite ever movie. Due to it being around four and a half hours long we never got round to it until a few months ago.

 

Now the disc is one of those ones you have to turn over for part two of the film. The first half ended with scarlet in the field saying the lines "I'll never go hungry again!". It ends and she turns to me asking what I though of the movie? "good ain't it, love that film!".....she had never seen the second half of the movie, ever. Her favorite ever film was Side 1 of Gone With The Wind and had been for years.

 

I have been trying to reply to this thread for about 10 minutes. I am completly lost for words. Every time something even remotley funny, or justified offense doesnt even seem to fit the stupidity.

 

I will just echo Unrighteous- For the love of everything holy, what the fuck?

[Ezekiel 25:17]

You are joking aren't you? Please tell me you are.

 

On my sons life, it was a couple of weeks ago, I'd somehow forgotten about it, in fact if I wrote everything retarded down that went on in my work I could write a book.

[Unrighteous]

On my sons life, it was a couple of weeks ago, I'd somehow forgotten about it, in fact if I wrote everything retarded down that went on in my work I could write a book.

 

Not a bad idea, that.

[RedinSweden]

On my sons life, it was a couple of weeks ago, I'd somehow forgotten about it, in fact if I wrote everything retarded down that went on in my work I could write a book.

 

What the fucking hell sort of an establishment is it? Seriously, that is fucking frightening.

[Unrighteous]

What the fucking hell sort of an establishment is it? Seriously, that is fucking frightening.

 

I think they deal with disability claims! So, I'm not surprised.

[Fowlers God]

On my sons life, it was a couple of weeks ago, I'd somehow forgotten about it, in fact if I wrote everything retarded down that went on in my work I could write a book.

 

Is it JNP's Mrs?

[Ezekiel 25:17]

What the fucking hell sort of an establishment is it? Seriously, that is fucking frightening.

 

It's a medical company for Incapacity Benefit, but there is an Administration side. I've put a good few stories about them on here in the last year or so including the one with the girl who threw out her brand new washing machine because she couldnt get it working, turned out the plug socket on the wall was faulty.

Edited October 14, 2009 by Ezekiel 25:17

[Carradona]

Zeek, is that the blonde woman you had some brilliant stories about last year?

[RedinSweden]

It's a medical company for Incapacity Benefit, but there is an Administration side. I've put a good few stories about them on here in the last year or so.

 

How can people function in normal life and yet be that fucking clueless? Every now and then Mrs RiS doesn't understand something that I think is basic, but she then knows other stuff i have a clue about. But nothing on that scale. It is embarrassing.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Zeek, is that the blonde woman you had some brilliant stories about last year?

 

Yeah, she's a proper leg.

[The 5th Benitel]

My bird comes out with shit like this all the time. In fact, if she didn't have big tits i suspect most men would refuse to even speak to her.

 

She was doing a PGCE in primary school teaching and they had to spend one day a week in uni with all the other prospective teachers and a mentor who ran their course. So 30 odd of them were sat in a room and the mentor told them they were going to talk about bullying, which is obviously an important topic for them.

 

Mentor: Right, what would be a sign of a child getting bullied?

 

Mrs 5th: If they didn't want to go out at playtime.

 

Mentor: Yes, what else?

 

Mrs 5th: Dinnertime?

 

 

 

Also, a few years back i showed her the lunar eclipse which she was amazed by. A week later i went round to hers after work and she was showinfg me things she's bought on her shopping trip, one of which was a pair on sunglasses. She had them on top of her head then put them on properly and went outside for a smoke. She then said, 'look! It's another ecilpse!'

 

Nope, that'll be the sun glasses.

[The 5th Benitel]

She was also judging a talent contest in her school and said, 'It's brilliant, i feel like Peter Stringfellow!'

 

I really hope not.

[Fowlers God]

My bird comes out with shit like this all the time. In fact, if she didn't have big tits i suspect most men would refuse to even speak to her.

 

She was doing a PGCE in primary school teaching and they had to spend one day a week in uni with all the other prospective teachers and a mentor who ran their course. So 30 odd of them were sat in a room and the mentor told them they were going to talk about bullying, which is obviously an important topic for them.

 

Mentor: Right, what would be a sign of a child getting bullied?

 

Mrs 5th: If they didn't want to go out at playtime.

 

Mentor: Yes, what else?

 

Mrs 5th: Dinnertime?

 

 

 

Also, a few years back i showed her the lunar eclipse which she was amazed by. A week later i went round to hers after work and she was showinfg me things she's bought on her shopping trip, one of which was a pair on sunglasses. She had them on top of her head then put them on properly and went outside for a smoke. She then said, 'look! It's another ecilpse!'

 

Nope, that'll be the sun glasses.

 

She was also judging a talent contest in her school and said, 'It's brilliant, i feel like Peter Stringfellow!'

 

I really hope not.

 

The goverment pays millions of pounds a year to find out why the education system is failing, They need to look no further that TLW website.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I think they deal with disability claims! So, I'm not surprised.

 

Stalking mother fucker, no you're right that's exactly what they do, there's the slightest hint of irony in this, just the slightest.

[The 5th Benitel]

Here's another couple...

 

We were talking about how there's bound to be a few arguments when we moved in together.

 

She said, 'It'll be interesting alright, i'd love to be a fly on the wall.'

 

Me: 'You are going to be there, that's the whole point.'

 

 

 

Another time she was talking with her housemate at the time about their weekend antics.

 

'God, i my Mother could of seen me she'd of been spinning in her grave.'

 

'Maria, your Mum's not dead.'

[JohnnyH]

My mate and his Mrs out walking on Howth harbour in Dublin. To explain, it has 2 main piers that come around almost like an open claw. They get to the end of one Pier and she says that “it’s a shame they didn’t finish it and build it all the way to the other Pier so we could walk the whole thing.” She still doesn’t get why he laughed so hard.

[Unrighteous]

I have a book that suits this thread: "Men are better than Women."

 

Excerpt -

FUCK THE PHONE

 

Men hate talking on the phone for the same reason lawyers don't use interpretive dance in the courtroom.

There are over five thousand muscles in your body at any given moment, which you already know because you're a man. I don't know how many you can control, but I would guess that is a minority. I would guess maybe seven percent. That means there are ninety-three percent of five thousand muscles in your body telling a story you're not meaning to tell. Some muscles are telling that story more than others.

 

That's a bit of subtle boner humor for you.

 

Women are simple creatures in heart and mind. They like their stories simple, with shallow characters, and full of plot holes. For that reason, women can't appreciate PATTON or The Three Stooges.

 

Women also like their communication to be as simple as possible.

 

When women are on the phone, you can't see their eyes glaze over when you mention the name of a great philosopher and how his thoughts so closely mirror you own. Women don't read philosophy. Don't be crazy. It would explode their heads and et glitter all over the furniture and fuck up your deposit.

 

Men need more out of our conversations. We need more out of like, too. To men, prattling away on the phone is like eating a baked potato out of a dumpster with no butter, or chives. It's like having sex with a woman who won't make you a bowl of cereal afterward.

 

Seriously, it's just a bowl of cereal. What the fuck? it's not that hard to get. It's not like you harvested the wheat.