The world of a woman.

[A Red]

My Mrs is a bit of a back seat driver, "turn left here" "you have to give way here" "theres a car coming". Pisses me off it does.

 

Anyway yesterday going down the lane from our place she gives me the "you really need to slow down going round this corner (Im doing 15 mph) youre going to have a crash"

 

When I reminded her that the only person to have a smash going round that corner was her, she didnt talk to me for over an hour. Bliss.

[lifetime fan]

She's started c*******s fucking shopping.

[Ranxerox]

My Mrs is a bit of a back seat driver, "turn left here" "you have to give way here" "theres a car coming". Pisses me off it does.

 

Anyway yesterday going down the lane from our place she gives me the "you really need to slow down going round this corner (Im doing 15 mph) youre going to have a crash"

 

When I reminded her that the only person to have a smash going round that corner was her, she didnt talk to me for over an hour. Bliss.

 

 

 Near identical experience last month, got nagged at for for missing a turnoff then started hearing a bunch of shit about being inattentive and reckless. I reminded her I've been in 1 accident my whole time driving (33 yrs since I got my licence) and that was within the first 6 months. She piped up she'd never been in one. I reminded her she'd been in two accidents that damaged both of our cars and that both took place in our driveway (one time backing up she sideswiped our van damaging both cars at once, the other time she backed into a mate who had pulled in behind her about 30 seconds before she reversed without looking). She went silent and shit on me later for being an insensitive prick. 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

 Near identical experience last month, got nagged at for for missing a turnoff then started hearing a bunch of shit about being inattentive and reckless. I reminded her I've been in 1 accident my whole time driving (33 yrs since I got my licence) and that was within the first 6 months. She piped up she'd never been in one. I reminded her she'd been in two accidents that damaged both of our cars and that both took place in our driveway (one time backing up she sideswiped our van damaging both cars at once, the other time she backed into a mate who had pulled in behind her about 30 seconds before she reversed without looking). She went silent and shit on me later for being an insensitive prick. 

 

This right here, is the world of a woman summed up perfectly gents.

 

Hypocritical snakes with tits.

[chrisbonnie]

My sister in law is currently living with us since their mother has sold up and moved back to the country side.

 

This girl is 30 in a few weeks and has a masters degree in something or other. Last night she came down to stairs to ask me how to turn the TV upstairs on. I answer, "did you plug it in" her reply. "No, I was thinking that was the problem but I wanted to be sure first"

 

Then later on last night she comes down for her late night ciggie (out the back I might add

[Trumo]

My Mrs is a bit of a back seat driver, "turn left here" "you have to give way here" "theres a car coming". Pisses me off it does.

 

Anyway yesterday going down the lane from our place she gives me the "you really need to slow down going round this corner (Im doing 15 mph) youre going to have a crash"

 

When I reminded her that the only person to have a smash going round that corner was her, she didnt talk to me for over an hour. Bliss.

 

A Red and his missus earlier:

 

[A Red]

Ha!

 

She doesnt call me dear, but the rest is pretty accurate

[Dr Nowt]

One for Lifey. Stopped at a place called The Crown in Tolldown, to avoid doing a servo. Nice place with good food, all terribly well to do among the clientele; seemed like the matching wellies and jacket brigade.

Table full of probably mid-60 year old couples next to me putting the world to rights, ever so well spoken and la-di-da, discussing how dreadfully unfair the portrayal of Tesco is in the media and yet they scandalously don't touch on grubby old Lidl just because they're cheap, etc.

One of these fellas starts telling a story about a recent altercation with what he was describing as the typical BMW driver without naming the brand outright, finishing up with "You know the ones, Petunia always says it about them. Oh come on, you must know...Bob Marley and the Wailers!"

Old dot to his side still doesn't get it, so her husband tells her who he means. She squints at him for a moment, before replying "Oh, I see. But I thought their nickname was Black Men's Willies?"

She obviously meant to say it in hushed tones and failed miserably as I heard it a fair bit away so the staff and other tables will have as well. Couldn't have been more incongruous to her chums' general presentation of themselves, and received thin-lipped reactions. I nearly spat my Fish Goujuns all over the Eton Mess.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

 Near identical experience last month, got nagged at for for missing a turnoff then started hearing a bunch of shit about being inattentive and reckless. I reminded her I've been in 1 accident my whole time driving (33 yrs since I got my licence) and that was within the first 6 months. She piped up she'd never been in one. I reminded her she'd been in two accidents that damaged both of our cars and that both took place in our driveway (one time backing up she sideswiped our van damaging both cars at once, the other time she backed into a mate who had pulled in behind her about 30 seconds before she reversed without looking). She went silent and shit on me later for being an insensitive prick. 

 

Sounds like you got a bit kinky.

 

scatthecanuck

[Duncan Clench]

 Near identical experience last month, got nagged at for for missing a turnoff then started hearing a bunch of shit about being inattentive and reckless. I reminded her I've been in 1 accident my whole time driving (33 yrs since I got my licence) and that was within the first 6 months. She piped up she'd never been in one. I reminded her she'd been in two accidents that damaged both of our cars and that both took place in our driveway (one time backing up she sideswiped our van damaging both cars at once, the other time she backed into a mate who had pulled in behind her about 30 seconds before she reversed without looking). She went silent and shit on me later for being an insensitive prick. 

 

My wife once reversed out of our driveway and straight into the side of our other car. The car she was driving had parking sensors and her explanation was that she was pretty sure that there was nothing behind her and that the frenzied beeping was, in fact, an error on the car's part.

[Duncan Clench]

Oh, and when we were house hunting a few years back she rejected one really nice place out in the sticks because she thought that foxes would kill our cats.

 

We didn't have any cats. We still don't.

[Ranxerox]

The last year my daughter went to primary school (grades k-5) the entire staff save the janitor were women. Dealing with the school was like being stabbed with a dull spoon on account of a total absence of common sense.It seemed everyday she would come home to inform me of the latest prohibition. By November all the playground equipment was off limits owing to a couple of lumps. By December, no running was allowed anywhere on school grounds. By January full snowsuits were mandatory for outdoor recess even during warm spells or stretches of no precipitation. By February the kids were prohibited from socializing with anyone more than 1 level outside of their own grade (someone had been bullied once). No one could hand out party invitations in class unless the entire class was invited to the event, no one could hand out valentines unless they gave one to everybody. 

 

 I could go on but you get the idea.

[littletedwest]

Just been reminded of one by my missus by that time hop app on Facebook. We watched the drama with Dominic West in as Fred West the other year.

She asked why Fred West was played by a white actor when Fred was black.I explained that Fred West was white even showing her pictures of him. She was still adamant that Fred was black.I have no idea why.

[Trumo]

Other than the place being staffed by women, it reads more as a textbook example - if you'll pardon the pun - of political correctness gone mad. They are so desperate not to offend anyone or have anyone get even mildly hurt that they've created an environment that will produce kids who will receive a massive shock when they enter the real world. It doesn't need to go entirely the other way and be a school of hard knocks, but a dose of reality is definitely in order there.

 

EDIT: this is in reply to Scott's post.

[A_S]

So I'm working an overnight shift at work as I type this. We've had some machinery issues so the last of the workers have just gone home, leaving me on site alone for the night. The company is based on an old industrial site in my hometown. Now, a guy actually died at work here about 40-odd years ago and there are stories about people seeing/hearing things related to 'Brian' (the guy who died).

 

So I text my wife to say I'm all alone so does she want the ghost tour of the place, knowing she fucking hates that stuff.

 

Her reply? 'No way, too scary. Make sure you lock your office door though to be safe.'

[Guest davelfc]

Here's a word you can use on your other half, Misophonia. It's a genuine psychiatric disorder and you know how much they enjoy being called psychos. 

 

 

People who have misophonia are most commonly angered, and even enraged, by common ambient sounds, such as other people clearing their throats, clipping their nails, brushing their teeth, chewing crushed ice, eating, slurping, drinking, breathing, sniffing, talking, sneezing, yawning, walking, chewing gum, laughing, snoring, typing on a keyboard, whistling or coughing; saying certain consonants; or repetitive sounds.^[9] Some are also affected by visual stimuli, such as repetitive foot or body movements, fidgeting, or movement they observe out of the corners of their eyes; this has been termed misokinesia, meaning hatred of movement.^[5]

 

^{I think every woman I've ever known develops this.} 

[Harry Squatter]

Last week I went out with my mrs and her two nieces babysat. One is 22 and the other is 16. When we are coming home she asks me if I would stay in the taxi with them to make sure they get home safe. They only live around the corner. I told her to stop being so dramatic as both of them have been to Spain on holiday on their own and got taxis all over the place after nights out. She said that the taxi drivers over here are more dangerous than Spanish taxi drivers, but had absolutely no proof to back up her claim.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

She never been a passenger in a Mercedes Spanish taxi then?

 

Mad they are.

[Trumo]

Here's a word you can use on your other half, Misophonia. It's a genuine psychiatric disorder and you know how much they enjoy being called psychos. 

 

 

People who have misophonia are most commonly angered, and even enraged, by common ambient sounds, such as other people clearing their throats, clipping their nails, brushing their teeth, chewing crushed ice, eating, slurping, drinking, breathing, sniffing, talking, sneezing, yawning, walking, chewing gum, laughing, snoring, typing on a keyboard, whistling or coughing; saying certain consonants; or repetitive sounds.^[9] Some are also affected by visual stimuli, such as repetitive foot or body movements, fidgeting, or movement they observe out of the corners of their eyes; this has been termed misokinesia, meaning hatred of movement.^[5]

 

^{I think every woman I've ever known develops this.} 

 

Sounds like Stig on a train.

[Scott_M]

Here's a word you can use on your other half, Misophonia. It's a genuine psychiatric disorder and you know how much they enjoy being called psychos. 

 

 

People who have misophonia are most commonly angered, and even enraged, by common ambient sounds, such as other people clearing their throats, clipping their nails, brushing their teeth, chewing crushed ice, eating, slurping, drinking, breathing, sniffing, talking, sneezing, yawning, walking, chewing gum, laughing, snoring, typing on a keyboard, whistling or coughing; saying certain consonants; or repetitive sounds.^[9] Some are also affected by visual stimuli, such as repetitive foot or body movements, fidgeting, or movement they observe out of the corners of their eyes; this has been termed misokinesia, meaning hatred of movement.^[5]

 

^{I think every woman I've ever known develops this.} 

 

Not sure about every woman but I've certianly got this.

[Bjornebye]

I have definately got Misophonia. 

 

Not if i'm drunk or in a good mood mind but if I am indifferent or in a bad mood, the slightest gulp sound can make me want to kill. 

 

 

 

Fucking bitch , she just rang me up and said "I've got some bad news" hang on I said, i'll just go into an empty office "Whats up?"

 

Now my assumption was that it was something to do with the house we are about to buy (survey done etc) so my heart had already sank

 

"Yo Sushi across the road has closed down"

[Paulie Dangerously]

Got my driving test in a couple of hours and just want to sit quietly with the baby relaxing. Instead every 5 mins I'm getting

 

'are you ok?'

'are you nervous?'

'I remember being dead nervous'

'most people fail the first time because of the nerves you know?'

'try not to let the nerves get the better of you'

Et infinitum

 

I've come to the shithouse to get a break. I wonder how long it'll be before I hear 'have you got an upset stomach...due to the nerves?'

[PestiRed]

Good luck. Relax and you'll piss it

[Trumo]

I'm sure he's not worried about that given that he's sat on the bog.

[PestiRed]

I'm sure he's not worried about that given that he's sat on the bog.

It's important, the last thing he needs is to be trying to hold it in whilst concentrating on driving. And I suspect pissing yourself might be a fail