The world of a woman.

[Paulie Dangerously]

My ma to my da on Saturday 'the nights are really drawing in dark now'

 

It was 11.30pm

 

[the chimp]

Fucking useless tablet; meant to rep Lizzie but negged instead. Anyone rep him for me please and I'll return the favour. Ta.

[Barrington Womble]

Fucking useless tablet; meant to rep Lizzie but negged instead. Anyone rep him for me please and I'll return the favour. Ta.

Done.

[Barrington Womble]

Fucking useless tablet; meant to rep Lizzie but negged instead. Anyone rep him for me please and I'll return the favour. Ta.

Done.

[the chimp]

You're a gent, Sir. Much appreciated.

[Bjornebye]

" that st mark must have been an important person! he has got loads of squares named after him"

 

On a packed bus. I felt like crying.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

Ha!

[Robbo29]

Girl on the phone in out place asking a client "Have your circumsicions changed?"

Same girl heard us discussing my mates jaunt to Milan "Oooh Milan, always wanted to go there. Its like Japan isnt it?"

Even better when you hear her say it in her broad yorkshire accent

[PestiRed]

The other day she told me that dyslexic people just aren't trying hard enough. And I thought I was the harsh one in the relationship

[Robbo29]

walking through the office next door a couple of days ago, in there we have big telly on the wall, displaying all kinds of office related crap. Message on display was "Todays Birthday - it is nobodys birthday today" I said, not true, Its Michael Buble's birthday (not a fan i haste to add, just heard it on the radio few mins earlier) and it would have been Tolstoys as well (thanks to the kind people at google)

"Who's Tolstoy?"

"Leo Tostoy, Russia author, War and Peace, Anna Karennis, regarded as one of the finest authors ever"

"Ooooh, never heard of him"

Not expecting people to have read him, but for fucks sake you must of heard of him.

Was then telling another woman of this, her response

"Ive never heard of him either"

[stringvest]

walking through the office next door a couple of days ago, in there we have big telly on the wall, displaying all kinds of office related crap. Message on display was "Todays Birthday - it is nobodys birthday today" I said, not true, Its Michael Buble's birthday (not a fan i haste to add, just heard it on the radio few mins earlier) and it would have been Tolstoys as well (thanks to the kind people at google)

"Who's Tolstoy?"

"Leo Tostoy, Russia author, War and Peace, Anna Karennis, regarded as one of the finest authors ever"

"Ooooh, never heard of him"

Not expecting people to have read him, but for fucks sake you must of heard of him.

Was then telling another woman of this, her response

"Ive never heard of him either"

 

nothing surpasses me.  A woman I knew thought an aromatherapist was a mental health worker for the traveller community.  

[Robbo29]

Stringy, that one made me laugh out loud

[Fowlers God]

One of the kids friends where round playing yesterday. As I arrived home from work their mum was there chatting to my Mrs about to collect the kid!

 

Mrs: hello darling,I've been busy most of the day- what happened in the Pictorials trial?

Me: managed to escape all murder charges today, will carry on with verdict tomorrow.

stupid bint picking up her kid: who's that you're talking about.

Me: Oscar Pistorius? No legs? Olympian? Shot and killed his GF?

SBPUHK: Nope sorry, you will have to light me.

Me: do you mean enlighten?

SBPUHK: whatever,

Mrs: tells the whole story in 60seconds and likens it to OJ.

SBPUHK: (with a puzzled look on her face) orange juice?

Me: Ffs I'm going for a shower!

 

30 mins later after my shower she storms in the room and has a go at me for showing her mate up! Trying to explain that she was capable of showing her self up quite well didn't go down well either!

[Tom araya]

FG,that just sums them up perfectly.

[Trumo]

nothing surpasses me.  A woman I knew thought an aromatherapist was a mental health worker for the traveller community.  

 

Reminds me of my homeopath story which I'm sure I've posted here before.

[Mook]

My boss comes out with some classics, some examples:-

 

"I can't get that around my head."

"Stuck between two rocks."

"Out of one frying pan & into another."

 

Me, "The meeting is at the London Chamber of Commerce.", her, "Where's that?", me, "London."

 

Me, "What's that you're listening to?", her, "Place bo." - she meant Placebo.

[lifetime fan]

The cunts I work with are all doing this juice diet bollocks at the moment.

 

Four juices a day for 3 days, no food or anything else just water and herbal teas.

 

Apparently they only consume 600-800 calories a day and by the end of the 3 days they've been losing between 3-5lb. Only they're fucking ravenous by the end of the 3 days and spend the rest of the week eating twice as much and rewarding themselves with fucking McDonalds and cream cakes because they've done so well.

 

One special cunt has now gone out and spent £100 on a 'magic bullet'. My first reaction was that's a lot of money on a sex toy but fair play. Turns out this magic bullet is some kind of amazing juicer that you need to spend £100 on, the £30 juicer just won't do.

 

I've just told her to stick it in her fucking gob and it'd be more effective.

 

I hate my job and the cunts I work with.

[Barrington Womble]

The cunts I work with are all doing this juice diet bollocks at the moment.

 

Four juices a day for 3 days, no food or anything else just water and herbal teas.

 

Apparently they only consume 600-800 calories a day and by the end of the 3 days they've been losing between 3-5lb. Only they're fucking ravenous by the end of the 3 days and spend the rest of the week eating twice as much and rewarding themselves with fucking McDonalds and cream cakes because they've done so well.

 

One special cunt has now gone out and spent £100 on a 'magic bullet'. My first reaction was that's a lot of money on a sex toy but fair play. Turns out this magic bullet is some kind of amazing juicer that you need to spend £100 on, the £30 juicer just won't do.

 

I've just told her to stick it in her fucking gob and it'd be more effective.

 

I hate my job and the cunts I work with.

I reckon you could make a few quid on the side charging admission so people can have a good day out.

[stringvest]

there used to be a guy called the juice master about 10 years ago - he was the one who sent all these middle class women out to buy his extraordinarily expensive juicer.  He was a cunt as well, but he got very rich off the back of being one.  

[lifetime fan]

there used to be a guy called the juice master about 10 years ago - he was the one who sent all these middle class women out to buy his extraordinarily expensive juicer. He was a cunt as well, but he got very rich off the back of being one.

Cunts the lot of them mate.

 

 

[Captain Turdseye]

I've been trying to explain to her for two days that if Scotland votes for independence, we can't just cut along the border and let them float away.

[lifetime fan]

I reckon you could make a few quid on the side charging admission so people can have a good day out.

 

I swear you get far more sense out of the people I support than the cunts I work with.

[stringvest]

Cunts the lot of them mate.

 

 

 

I really should be negging you for that.  

[stringvest]

I've been trying to explain to her for two days that if Scotland votes for independence, we can't just cut along the border and let them float away.

 

i wondered how you had managed to punch so far above your weight J, but I think this post might explain it

[lifetime fan]

It's not fucking mine!