The world of a woman.

[The 5th Benitel]

must be a local thing?. mashed egg is a boiled egg, peeled and obviously mashed in a cup (the way my missus likes it), scrambled is... well... scrambled (the way i like it) totally different, no?

 

Funnily enough my mrs is Irish however that wasn't what she meant. I think she got mixed up with mashed potatoe cos she's, well, a bit simple. She defo didn't mean it cos she was buzzing off herself while i was laughing at her.

[The 5th Benitel]

My missus wouldnt speak to me for 2 days because I corrected her for saying Brazil is a Spanish speaking country. I even got the atlas out to prove my point, she thought that this was worth ruining a weekend over.

 

My missus never tries clothes on in shops because she "doesn't have time" yet when she gets them home and they don't fit she spends half of saturday going the shop and getting a refund or getting an alternative.

 

 

My bird was helping her Mum pick out some trousers. Her Mum took about 5 pairs to the changies while she sat outside saying 'oh they're nice', 'that colour doesn't suit you' etc.

 

Eventually her Mum came out with another pair on and she said,' Oh Mum, they're disgustiong, take them off now'.

 

'Maria, i came out in these'.

[JagSquared]

me and the girlfriend were in river island and she points at a pair of batman boxers and shouts 'look superman!'

[chrisbonnie]

i just walked in the door today and my mam was watching some afternoon show

 

there`s a new woman on it, i asked my mam

 

"who`s your one on the right?"

 

my mam replies, "the blonde of the brunette?"

 

i just replied, "the brunette, she is on the right"

 

ejit

[The 5th Benitel]

me and the girlfriend were in river island and she points at a pair of batman boxers and shouts 'look superman!'

 

 

My mate was watching Rambo with his bird and about an hour into it she turned to him and said, 'how long is it until he starts boxing?'

[Harry Squatter]

My Uncle works in an office in town, there is some thick foghorn type bitch who works with him. My Uncle used to live in South Africa, Hong Kong and then California and has pictures of various places up on his desk. He walked in the office last christmas and the foghorn said "Nice tie, where did you get that from?" He said "Tie Rack", the foghorn then said "You really are a fucking showoff aren't you, you've been to loads of boss places"

[Harry Squatter]

Two birds out of our work left to go travelling a couple of weks ago, dim is being nice to them. One went to Waterstones and wanted to buy a book on Thailand, she cam back empty handed as she didn't look in the "asia" section because she didnt know Thailand was in asia.

 

The other one asked me "How long would it take to get to Miami from New York by train?" I said about a day/overnight as you'd possibly need to connect a few tims tc. She said she thought it would only take 3 hours as they "Look dead close on the map"

 

Before they left we did a presentation and gave them some cash, our manager asked them to answer 3 questions before he handed the envelope of cash ovr. They got stuck on the qustion "What is the official language of Australia?" - after almost 5 minutes they said "Australian???????". They also did not know where the Golden Gate bridge was despite San Francisco being their last stop before coming home.

[Alan Sex]

[Juniper]

"is America in the EU?"

 

.....

 

(although to be fair she did realise what she said a few seconds after, but still)

[Section_31]

"is America in the EU?"

 

.....

 

(although to be fair she did realise what she said a few seconds after, but still)

 

A barmaid I worked with once took a five Euro note for a couple of drinks, she actually asked the bloke who gave it her (I presume he'd handed it over as a joke) "do we take these?" he laughed and said yeah, and got his drinks.

 

The note was pinned on the wall as an example of stupidity.

[Juniper]

A barmaid I worked with once took a five Euro note for a couple of drinks, she actually asked the bloke who gave it her (I presume he'd handed it over as a joke) "do we take these?" he laughed and said yeah, and got his drinks.

 

The note was pinned on the wall as an example of stupidity.

 

The worrying thing is we're researching moving to New York.

 

I don't think it's a wise move if she doesn't realise it's not in the European union (she even worked there for over a month a few years ago)

 

I'll get the map out

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Blonde girl at work today on the phone to a claimant "so what kind of interpretator do you need ??".

 

Girl on my facebook had just asked:

 

Ok,silly question, but is snow in a can real snow? Cuz it feels like it :s

[RoboRiise]

For years the other half had been trying to get me to watch her DVD of Gone With The Wind, her favorite ever movie. Due to it being around four and a half hours long we never got round to it until a few months ago.

 

Now the disc is one of those ones you have to turn over for part two of the film. The first half ended with scarlet in the field saying the lines "I'll never go hungry again!". It ends and she turns to me asking what I though of the movie? good ain't it, love that film!".....she had never seen the second half of the movie, ever. Her favorite ever film was Side 1 of Gone With The Wind and had been for years.

 

Just took a call from her that lasted ten seconds, asking me what toothbrush I use. I didn't even ask why........Pointless

 

 

Seriously, that's one of the funniest things I've ever read on here. I might start doing this when I have a bit more time free - I'll pick a point part way through a movie, watch it up to there and then do a review as if it was the whole film.

 

Return of the Jedi: Wow, didn't see that one coming - I was sure Han and Leia were going to take down that shield generator.

[Soup]

My missus wouldnt speak to me for 2 days because I corrected her for saying Brazil is a Spanish speaking country. I even got the atlas out to prove my point, she thought that this was worth ruining a weekend over.

 

My missus never tries clothes on in shops because she "doesn't have time" yet when she gets them home and they don't fit she spends half of saturday going the shop and getting a refund or getting an alternative.

 

Its a double edged sword mate trust me. My missus tries everything on it can take hours.

 

She once rang me in work but I was in a meeting so she left a message with the receptionist who brought a note in to the meeting for me with a slight grin... on the note was 'have we still got those nice pea's in the freezer'

[RoboRiise]

The blonde in work now is saying because she has purchased a television with built in freeview for her bedroom, she is going to contest the fee with the aerial fitter as if she pays the £50 aerial installation fee it won't be free to view. She didnt buy the t.v from him or anything. She says if he trys to charge her "I'll take it to the government".

 

 

Is this her?

 

[YOUTUBE]rYFQZFL0yoo[/YOUTUBE]

 

 

P.S. Ask her why she had to pay for the telly if it's freeview. Go on, I dare you.

Edited December 1, 2009 by RoboRiise

[RoboRiise]

P.S. Ask her why she had to pay for the telly if it's freeview. Go on, I dare you.

 

 

In fact, fuck that - even after reading this thread, she can't be that thick. Ask her if she should have got have got the cost of the channels knocked off the price because it's freeview. That'll work.

[RoboRiise]

You need to set one of these up:

 

Justin (shitmydadsays) on Twitter

 

Then just post them as they come out with them.

 

 

It's true genius. I'm still not 100% convinced that the set-up is genuine but regardless of who's producing the content, some of it is absolute gold.

 

"A mule kicked Uncle Bob once. Broke his ribs. He punched it in the face.. My point? You have an ingrown fucking toenail. Stop bitching."

 

"Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that."

 

"The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain't spitting it out."

 

"We didn't have a prom. Dancing wasn't allowed...What's Footloose?...That's the plot of the movie? That sounds like a pile of shit."

 

"I wouldn't worry about money...No, it has a lot to do with happiness, I just meant YOU shouldn't worry, cause you'd just piss it away."

 

"I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it...No, I'm not gonna stop, I'm just saying yes, I get that concept."

 

"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."

[Mel Wood]

Don't know if it was a fella or a woman that first posed the question on Yahoo Answers but for the purpose of this thread I'll suggest it was a woman.

 

Why are the holes in cats fur always in the right places for their eyes?

[JohnnyH]

I'm in Edinburgh working for the day so last nigth I called the bird back in Dublin. She said to me "It'll freeze tonight as there's no cloud cover, however, the night sky looks amazing". I agreed and told here the sky was very clear in Edinburgh also and that the full moon looked amazing. She replied "Wow, it's a full moon here also!"

[ferryman]

I work on a ferry. We were discussing what kind of activities we would like to have on-board, for the crew. E.g. darts, game boards etc.

 

The whole thing started to get out of hand and quite funny when helicopter rides and on-board go-cart track was suggested. When someone said we should have a bowling lane, we all burst out in laughter.

 

Then one of the girls (she´s been sailing for 5-6 years) asked: But why AREN´T there bowling lanes on ships?

[Lucky Pierre]

Talking about air guns in work, and one girl comes out with "Yeah, but it won't hurt too much if it only shoots air!"

Then when she was told that the place she's staying the weekend in in Mount Pleasant wasn't the nicest place in the world: "But it's called pleasant, it's gonna be nice."

[William_Ulsterman]

10 mins ago i was at the pumps filling the car up and this bird filling up on the other pump asked me (i swear)

 

"is this home heating oil?"

 

 

it was hard to keep a straight face

[Original202]

She replied "Wow, it's a full moon here also!"

 

Hehe.

 

I went on holiday with an ex bird to the canary islands:

 

"Oh, as it's nearer the equator we'll be closer to the moon. Do you reckon it'll look bigger when we're there?"

[RedinSweden]

10 mins ago i was at the pumps filling the car up and this bird filling up on the other pump asked me (i swear)

 

"is this home heating oil?"

 

 

it was hard to keep a straight face

 

Ha!

 

She was imagining people pulling up in their semis.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Usual girl in work: "Al, will you do me the new top gear dvd for Mark ?"

Me: "OK, I'll bring it in tomorrow"

ME "here's that top gear dvd you wanted "

Girl: "oh Brilliant, Mark will be made up ! Is he defo in it ??"

Me "who ??"

Girl "Top Gear"

Me "yes, he's in it"

Girl "sound".