The world of a woman.

[Tony Moanero]

20 minutes ago, Mook said:

This has been my life since we moved into our new house.

 

My favourite part is when the joiner or whoever is finished, the missus will start moaning about all the things they've done wrong, like I give a flying fuck. As long as I have a TV, stereo, sofa, kitchen & bed, I'm happy. I could'nt give two fucks about what a door looks like.

In the early eighties, my parents had the living room ceiling artexed. For the next ten years, whenever there was nothing on telly and he was bored, my dad would sit there looking up at ceiling, pointing out the minute flaws in the pattern. It used to drive my mum nuts.

[Preston Red]

47 minutes ago, Mook said:

This has been my life since we moved into our new house.

 

My favourite part is when the joiner or whoever is finished, the missus will start moaning about all the things they've done wrong, like I give a flying fuck. As long as I have a TV, stereo, sofa, kitchen & bed, I'm happy. I could'nt give two fucks about what a door looks like.

This and the uncanny ability to become a structural engineer to tell you what's wrong with the house. Mine acquires this talent when we argue about where the damp problem in our house is coming from. It must be the eaves and the roof that's a problem along with the drain pipe that's leaking.

 

Absolutely nothing to do with the pointing that needs redoing or the fact that she has the fucking windows shut all round the house and then has a skin-melting temperature shower upon whereby the moisture in the air has nowhere to go. Add into this her reluctance to get a dehumidifier since she could smell burning with the last one. Only she could smell it.

 

Then there's her secret career she must have as a mechanic too. That's a real piss boiler.

[Section_31]

Met my wife's new boss the other day at a wedding do, my Mrs thinks she's great and has been raving about her for ages. 

 

I have to say, she looks a lot like a tall Terri Hatcher, and at the end of the night she comes up to both of us and goes to me: "Someone from work just told me I've got no arse, what do you think of my arse?"

 

Mrs was totally oblivious to the inappropriateness of this, and I just replied 'ha, have a word with HR!' 

 

"No, seriously - what do you think of my arse?!"

 

Me: "ha indeed, hashtag metoo!"

 

Strange creatures. 

 

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Section_31 said:

Met my wife's new boss the other day at a wedding do, my Mrs thinks she's great and has been raving about her for ages. 

 

I have to say, she looks a lot like a tall Terri Hatcher, and at the end of the night she comes up to both of us and goes to me: "Someone from work just told me I've got no arse, what do you think of my arse?"

 

Mrs was totally oblivious to the inappropriateness of this, and I just replied 'ha, have a word with HR!' 

 

"No, seriously - what do you think of my arse?!"

 

Me: "ha indeed, hashtag metoo!"

 

Strange creatures. 

 

Well? 

[Section_31]

32 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Well? 

Tremendous. 

[Bjornebye]

3 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Tremendous. 

 

 

[Geoff Woade]

36 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Met my wife's new boss the other day at a wedding do, my Mrs thinks she's great and has been raving about her for ages. 

 

I have to say, she looks a lot like a tall Terri Hatcher, and at the end of the night she comes up to both of us and goes to me: "Someone from work just told me I've got no arse, what do you think of my arse?"

 

Mrs was totally oblivious to the inappropriateness of this, and I just replied 'ha, have a word with HR!' 

 

"No, seriously - what do you think of my arse?!"

 

Me: "ha indeed, hashtag metoo!"

 

Strange creatures. 

 

Missed a chance to cause maximum awkwardness there. Should have gone something like ‘I don’t really notice arses, I’m more into feet’

[Jose Jones]

18 hours ago, Section_31 said:

Met my wife's new boss the other day at a wedding do, my Mrs thinks she's great and has been raving about her for ages. 

 

I have to say, she looks a lot like a tall Terri Hatcher, and at the end of the night she comes up to both of us and goes to me: "Someone from work just told me I've got no arse, what do you think of my arse?"

 

Mrs was totally oblivious to the inappropriateness of this, and I just replied 'ha, have a word with HR!' 

 

"No, seriously - what do you think of my arse?!"

 

Me: "ha indeed, hashtag metoo!"

 

Strange creatures. 

 

 

Should've just gone with the Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman "Hoo ah!" there.

 

 

[Paulie Dangerously]

My mum was bemoaning the lack of shopping options since the Walton Vale Heron closed down. The Iceland has gone really down market. 

 

That's the artisanal deli/boutique of....The Iceland. 

[sir roger]

If I lived near Walton Vale I wouldn't need anything other than the Iceland and the Chicken Barbecue.

[tokyojoe]

It's International Women's Day today. Look out for (even) more bollocks in the media.

[Rico1304]

28 minutes ago, tokyojoe said:

It's International Women's Day today. Look out for (even) more bollocks in the media.

There’s a very good bot on Twitter that looks for the #IWD from companies and then retweets with their gender pay gap.  Capita is 33%. 
 

https://twitter.com/paygapapp/status/1501111754134376448?s=21

[Harry Squatter]

On 18/02/2022 at 15:03, Section_31 said:

The Mrs wanted an extension and a new kitchen, so now most of my savings are gone and I'm in debt, but happy wife happy life etc. I can work from home and she can't, so for the last six weeks I've lived with the dust and racket, no water and all that bollocks. Now she keeps asking me why things aren't finished or why a tradesman is coming on one day but not another, saying she's fed up as it's gone on too long. I spend the days trying to project manage these shits, acting as a go between between what she wants and what they've done/haven't done the day before, then spend my evenings trying to convince her it'll all be worth it and not to get too downbeat, even though it's her baby in the first place. 

 

Stay single kids, get a dog, get a pocket pussy - be a thinker, not a stinker.  

The guy I work with said his kitchen needed doing as the old one was last done in 1999. 

 

He got a quote and his Mrs thought it was ridiculously expensive because it wasn't £2000 despite her wanting it to look like something from a lifestyle magazine. 

 

She's then moaned non stop about it since the first day because it wasn't her idea and project and let him sort the bank loan out for it. She didn't like the chairs they got for the breakfast bar and has moaned about it saying they are bad for her back etc.

 

Remember when women say "I like a man who takes charge". It really means "I like a man to make a decision that I don't want to but then I'll just moan about it reminding him every 5 minutes about what he did wrong, blame him and bring it up constantly for years and years"

[Rico1304]

1 hour ago, Rico1304 said:

There’s a very good bot on Twitter that looks for the #IWD from companies and then retweets with their gender pay gap.  Capita is 33%. 
 

https://twitter.com/paygapapp/status/1501111754134376448?s=21

Social media teams, expecting back slapping responses are now deleting their original tweets.  

[manwiththestick]

2 hours ago, Harry Squatter said:

The guy I work with said his kitchen needed doing as the old one was last done in 1999. 

 

He got a quote and his Mrs thought it was ridiculously expensive because it wasn't £2000 despite her wanting it to look like something from a lifestyle magazine. 

 

She's then moaned non stop about it since the first day because it wasn't her idea and project and let him sort the bank loan out for it. She didn't like the chairs they got for the breakfast bar and has moaned about it saying they are bad for her back etc.

 

Remember when women say "I like a man who takes charge". It really means "I like a man to make a decision that I don't want to but then I'll just moan about it reminding him every 5 minutes about what he did wrong, blame him and bring it up constantly for years and years"

I'm currently redecorating our living room and in terms of colour scheme etc, I have learned to just go with what she wants.

 

So a few weeks ago she decided on colours for the walls off paint charts and following a few visits to B&Q etc so I bought the paints and done all the walls, trims, doors etc. This weekend I was laying down a laminate floor, again the type and colour chosen by her, so what I don't need to hear halfway through when my knees feel like they're going to disintegrate is she now doesn't think the walls and floor colours go together.

 

[Creator Supreme]

3 hours ago, Rico1304 said:

There’s a very good bot on Twitter that looks for the #IWD from companies and then retweets with their gender pay gap.  Capita is 33%. 
 

https://twitter.com/paygapapp/status/1501111754134376448?s=21

This may go part of the way to explaining why my last senior manager at Capita was such a cunt!

 

In fairness though it's most likely down to the fact that she is an inhuman, botoxed, twat faced harridan!

[Section_31]

She's got a habit of asking me what's happening on telly even though she can see it, or asking me what someone has just said on telly as she missed it while she was on her phone.

 

"Ukraine has destroyed a Russian tank with a bazooka"

 

"What was that I didn't hear?"

 

"Ukraine has destroyed a Russian tank with Kate Bush singing babooshka."

[A Red]

We're having an extension and a re-fit done at the moment so loads of decisions having to be made.

 

I have a strategy in place whereby I'll let her make most of the decisions but dig my heels in on the expensive ones. If she wants to paint the living room in 3 different colours (she does) it can easily be changed, I'll let her get on with it. When it comes to flooring or kitchen units I'm prepared to go to the mattresses to make sure there's a compromise.

 

It wont work 

[redinblack]

1 hour ago, A Red said:

We're having an extension and a re-fit done at the moment so loads of decisions having to be made.

 

I have a strategy in place whereby I'll let her make most of the decisions but dig my heels in on the expensive ones. If she wants to paint the living room in 3 different colours (she does) it can easily be changed, I'll let her get on with it. When it comes to flooring or kitchen units I'm prepared to go to the mattresses to make sure there's a compromise.

 

It wont work 

My Mrs does interior design and furnishings for a living, so I'm happy to go along with her choices, and in the main it chimes with what I like. The Man Den ( the attic ) though, is all mine. Mine Mine Mine.

 

It looks like I am 17.

[A Red]

1 hour ago, redinblack said:

My Mrs does interior design and furnishings for a living, so I'm happy to go along with her choices, and in the main it chimes with what I like. The Man Den ( the attic ) though, is all mine. Mine Mine Mine.

 

It looks like I am 17.

The problem I have is that my Mrs thinks she could do interior design and furnishings for a living.

[Bjornebye]

11 minutes ago, A Red said:

The problem I have is that my Mrs thinks she could do interior design and furnishings for a living.

This must be a built in programme with most women. "Plans plans plans, this, that, I want that, this, that, you can pay for and do it all and no matter how it looks it will all be wrong and it will be your fault" 

[littletedwest]

Started working with a girl who is deaf in one ear. Mentioned this to the Mrs "could she not put a hearing aid in?" Well no because she's deaf. Like putting glasses on someone who is completely blind

[sir roger]

To be fair it depends on the level of deafness. I have almost no hearing ( basically the wife has to shout in my ear for me to hear anything ) , but hearing aids give me a semi-normal hearing ability.

[A Red]

12 minutes ago, sir roger said:

To be fair it depends on the level of deafness. I have almost no hearing ( basically the wife has to shout in my ear for me to hear anything ) , but hearing aids give me a semi-normal hearing ability.

Sorry to hear that Roger. I SAID "SORRY TO HEAR THAT!"

[DalyanPete]

53 minutes ago, sir roger said:

To be fair it depends on the level of deafness. I have almost no hearing ( basically the wife has to shout in my ear for me to hear anything ) , but hearing aids give me a semi-normal hearing ability.

My wife might say, "the phones needs paying today"

As my hearing isn't the best I ask,"sorry, what did you say?"

Her reply, "phones"

Ffs, you can't just say one word of a sentence and expect me to know what you mean.