The world of a woman.

[lifetime fan]

Are all women allergic to emptying the filter on the tumble dryer, or is it just everyone I’ve ever lived with? 

[VladimirIlyich]

5 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

Are all women allergic to emptying the filter on the tumble dryer, or is it just everyone I’ve ever lived with? 

What's a tumble dryer? Bloody tory!

[Harry Squatter]

2 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

He deserves all he gets for putting up with that shit. 

Some women think it's perfectly acceptable to kick off like that as it's part and parcel of a relationship. Yet if a man acted like that he'd be in prison. Like you say, more fool him for putting up with it as he's enabling her behaviour.

[Chairman Meow]

1 hour ago, Doctor Troy said:

Some women think it's perfectly acceptable to kick off like that as it's part and parcel of a relationship. Yet if a man acted like that he'd be in prison. Like you say, more fool him for putting up with it as he's enabling her behaviour.

Ah, those of the "If you can't handle me at my worst" type of mentality, which is actually a polite way of them saying "I think I should be allowed to behave like an absolute cunt whenever I want with zero repercussions" 

[Harry Squatter]

2 hours ago, Chairman Meow said:

Ah, those of the "If you can't handle me at my worst" type of mentality, which is actually a polite way of them saying "I think I should be allowed to behave like an absolute cunt whenever I want with zero repercussions" 

Yep, basically that. Used to work with some woman who fancied herself as a man eater. She was a total knobhead, hard work over everything and would always be first to get a snide dig into anyone.

 

Some lad about ten years younger than her was interested in her but she said to him "you wouldn't be able to handle me, I'd eat you alive".

 

Basically all her relationships had failed because she was a tit and no one could be arsed with her drama and bullshit, not because she was an amazing bit of fanny who you had to work extra hard to get her knickers down. 

[Harry Squatter]

2 hours ago, Chairman Meow said:

Ah, those of the "If you can't handle me at my worst" type of mentality, which is actually a polite way of them saying "I think I should be allowed to behave like an absolute cunt whenever I want with zero repercussions" 

 

[Strontium]

I think I'd let her if she looked like that.

[lifetime fan]

1 minute ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

I think I'd let her if she looked like that.

We all would - for about 90 seconds the first time. 

[Paulie Dangerously]

On 25/05/2021 at 07:18, Paulie Dangerously said:

Came home the other day to the news that the light bulb in the bathroom had gone and the fixing was broken and couldn't be removed. I simply unscrewed the light bulb. She had been trying to pull the fixing out of the ceiling it seemed. 

 

She immediately orders 4 lightbulbs off amazon which duly arrive with the wrong fitting, these are the skinny screw in ones instead of the standard.  Rather than send them back, we're keeping them in case we need them despite there not being a single fixture in the house which accepts this kind of light bulb. She complains she's not a bulb expert, I explain that neither am I but I would've simply looked at the bulb I took out and bought the same one. It's obviously been thrown out  

 

She goes to the asda the next day and buys a bulb with the correct fitting, puts it in and everything. I assume it has about 2 lumins because it's so weak that I felt like I was showering in a cave last night. Her response:

 

"It's not the brightest but it'll be OK during the day."

 

Yes, of course. The day time when one traditionally needs to use a light bulb. 

The Saga continues. After persevering with the dimmest of bulbs she bought another box of them off amazon. 

 

Correct fitting? Check. 

Bright? Check.

Not frosted? Check.

 

30 Watts over the maximum permitted for the fitting resulting in cracking and fizzing when it's turned on? Check. 

 

I'm just going to wait until she asks me to sort it. 

[Elite]

A girl at work saw an 'Under Offer' sign outside a house and said "That means someone's offered less than the asking price doesn't it?"

[Bob]

 

From the Observer news story:

 

The fan responsible for the accident was brandishing a large cardboard sign with a message to her grandparents as she stood on the side of the road.

The spectator was facing away from the peloton, grinning obliviously to a TV camera, as she caused the crash.

 

[Rushies tash]

Whenever Insigne's name is mentioned in the corrent sporting tournament, Mrs Tash has taken to singing this:

 

 

Can't get the fucking thing out of my head now.

 

[Rico1304]

My missus had a long standing night out with her mates planned for tomorrow. I’d got myself ok with watching the football on my own and was quite looking forward to being able to call Kane a ‘fat tongued cunt’ with no fear of reproach. My mates are going to the cricket club but her do was arranged a long time ago.  
 

One of the women on the night out is now ill, so it’s been cancelled. I’ve just been informed we are now all going to another of her mates to watch the footy. With a load of blokes I don’t know and quite frankly don’t want to. Because the mates I’ve already got are going to the cricket club.   But if I go there she can’t go to her mates without me.  Why? 

[littletedwest]

Spoke to my mum last night she ended the conversation with " anyway you go bed Kev and rest in peace"

[VladimirIlyich]

51 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

Spoke to my mum last night she ended the conversation with " anyway you go bed Kev and rest in peace"

I'm gutted your real name is not Ted.

[lifetime fan]

1 hour ago, Rico1304 said:

My missus had a long standing night out with her mates planned for tomorrow. I’d got myself ok with watching the football on my own and was quite looking forward to being able to call Kane a ‘fat tongued cunt’ with no fear of reproach. My mates are going to the cricket club but her do was arranged a long time ago.  
 

One of the women on the night out is now ill, so it’s been cancelled. I’ve just been informed we are now all going to another of her mates to watch the footy. With a load of blokes I don’t know and quite frankly don’t want to. Because the mates I’ve already got are going to the cricket club.   But if I go there she can’t go to her mates without me.  Why? 

That’s a foot down moment mate. 

 

Just cook her breakfast in bed with a surprise bunch of flowers and say; 

 

Love; seriously, you want me there drinking in front of your friends?

 

Look at the starting XI

 

1: Short arm cunt

2: Fast useless cunt

3: Great at passing to the opposition cunt

4: You seen the size of his head cunt

5: You seen the size of his gut cunt 

6: Crab cunt

7: Chav cunt

8: T-Rex cunt

9: Can’t even speak cunt

10: Nice young lad wish we’d signed him

11: Look at the fucking state of that cunt! 
 

I’ll book your favourite restaurant for us next week. 

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Rico1304 said:

My missus had a long standing night out with her mates planned for tomorrow. I’d got myself ok with watching the football on my own and was quite looking forward to being able to call Kane a ‘fat tongued cunt’ with no fear of reproach. My mates are going to the cricket club but her do was arranged a long time ago.  
 

One of the women on the night out is now ill, so it’s been cancelled. I’ve just been informed we are now all going to another of her mates to watch the footy. With a load of blokes I don’t know and quite frankly don’t want to. Because the mates I’ve already got are going to the cricket club.   But if I go there she can’t go to her mates without me.  Why? 

Hahahaha fucking hell, good luck however it works out mate. She tried to get me to go to her brothers with his missus and some of her family for it. "Kids will be in bed" (Theirs, we don't have any) haha like fuck. I'm staying on my couch and swearing at the telly. 

1 hour ago, littletedwest said:

Spoke to my mum last night she ended the conversation with " anyway you go bed Kev and rest in peace"

Hahaha! Just be glad you woke up to tell the story 

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, lifetime fan said:

That’s a foot down moment mate. 

 

Just cook her breakfast in bed with a surprise bunch of flowers and say; 

 

Love; seriously, you want me there drinking in front of your friends?

 

Look at the starting XI

 

1: Short arm cunt

2: Fast useless cunt

3: Great at passing to the opposition cunt

4: You seen the size of his head cunt

5: You seen the size of his gut cunt 

6: Crab cunt

7: Chav cunt

8: T-Rex cunt

9: Can’t even speak cunt

10: Nice young lad wish we’d signed him

11: Look at the fucking state of that cunt! 
 

I’ll book your favourite restaurant for us next week. 

Hahahahaha

[niallers]

I get nagged by herself as much as any of us down trodden husbands on here, but when it comes to football, I made it clear from the very outset of our now 20 year relationship, that whenever the reds play, I'll be watching it on my terms,regardless. If that means on my own, with my brother and a few friends or now with my 11 year old lad. She's been well trained not to expect anything to take priority over that part of my life. That used to go for ireland matches too but we're beyond crap currently so that scenario doesn't need dealing with. 

There's no way I'd watch a game with strangers. Fuck that. As was said above, that's a foot down moment.

 

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/63e0ef12-5187-4bc9-a5ae-9ce9647a0bd1

[deiseach]

6 hours ago, niallers said:

I get nagged by herself as much as any of us down trodden husbands on here, but when it comes to football, I made it clear from the very outset of our now 20 year relationship, that whenever the reds play, I'll be watching it on my terms,regardless. If that means on my own, with my brother and a few friends or now with my 11 year old lad. She's been well trained not to expect anything to take priority over that part of my life. That used to go for ireland matches too but we're beyond crap currently so that scenario doesn't need dealing with. 

There's no way I'd watch a game with strangers. Fuck that. As was said above, that's a foot down moment.

 

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/63e0ef12-5187-4bc9-a5ae-9ce9647a0bd1

Another case where my wife is the opposite, in the sense that she can't get her head around me wanting to do my own thing when Liverpool are playing. I don't like watching them or listening to them as my stress levels go through the roof, so I like to do something productive like any DIY that needs doing or going for a walk. We've been together nearly 20 years as well and she still - still! - behaves as if this is a new thing. There was an occupational therapist in recently who said she was exactly the same as me and I thought great! Here is a local who has the same habits as me so maybe she'll understand where I'm coming from. But no, the very next game I reached for my coat and she asked me what I was doing, the Reds were on the box. 

[YorkshireRed]

10 hours ago, Rico1304 said:

My missus had a long standing night out with her mates planned for tomorrow. I’d got myself ok with watching the football on my own and was quite looking forward to being able to call Kane a ‘fat tongued cunt’ with no fear of reproach. My mates are going to the cricket club but her do was arranged a long time ago.  
 

One of the women on the night out is now ill, so it’s been cancelled. I’ve just been informed we are now all going to another of her mates to watch the footy. With a load of blokes I don’t know and quite frankly don’t want to. Because the mates I’ve already got are going to the cricket club.   But if I go there she can’t go to her mates without me.  Why? 

A diplomatic approach is required here.

 

Tell her to go fuck herself. 
 

(Don’t actually do this).

[Curly]

10 hours ago, Rico1304 said:

My missus had a long standing night out with her mates planned for tomorrow. I’d got myself ok with watching the football on my own and was quite looking forward to being able to call Kane a ‘fat tongued cunt’ with no fear of reproach. My mates are going to the cricket club but her do was arranged a long time ago.  
 

One of the women on the night out is now ill, so it’s been cancelled. I’ve just been informed we are now all going to another of her mates to watch the footy. With a load of blokes I don’t know and quite frankly don’t want to. Because the mates I’ve already got are going to the cricket club.   But if I go there she can’t go to her mates without me.  Why? 

Why couldn’t you go the cricket club when she was meeting her mates for the initial planned night out? 

[Harry Squatter]

My mate invited me to his when we played Milan in the 2007 Champions League final. My Mrs went but she understands footy so was just as animated as me and my mate. 

 

He invited a load of his neighbours round and their wives who didn't like or understand footy were there and were shaking their heads at me constantly swearing, jumping up and down and generally being pissed off at the result.

 

One was asking questions every 5 minutes then said I took it too seriously and her husband grabbed her and marched her out into the garden because he could see she was winding me up. 

 

I then got tons of messages off my Evertonian mates laughing and i proceeded to phone them all back calling them tramps laughing at someone losing their house keys. This woman was in genuine shock that a footy game could make people act like that. Even my Mrs told her to shut up if she had no idea what was going on.

[Section_31]

When passangers in the car, both my mother and wife start conversations just as I turn the car engine off and have one foot out the door. It's quite bizarre. 

[VladimirIlyich]

25 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

My mate invited me to his when we played Milan in the 2007 Champions League final. My Mrs went but she understands footy so was just as animated as me and my mate. 

 

He invited a load of his neighbours round and their wives who didn't like or understand footy were there and were shaking their heads at me constantly swearing, jumping up and down and generally being pissed off at the result.

 

One was asking questions every 5 minutes then said I took it too seriously and her husband grabbed her and marched her out into the garden because he could see she was winding me up. 

 

I then got tons of messages off my Evertonian mates laughing and i proceeded to phone them all back calling them tramps laughing at someone losing their house keys. This woman was in genuine shock that a footy game could make people act like that. Even my Mrs told her to shut up if she had no idea what was going on.

It's only when you stand back and read things like this that you realise what bellends WE are when it comes to footy. It makes no sense at all yet we just lose the plot over a load of,now millionaires,kick a plastic inflated ball around. That said,how could anybody get any type of fun out of shopping or looking at shoes?