The world of a woman.

[Bjornebye]

My bird thought Scotland were playing in Camden last night until I walked in the room and told her he said Hampden. 

[lifetime fan]

Pouring myself a drink last night;

 

Her: Has that gin gone off?

Me: What? 
Her: The gin has it gone off, it’s the wrong colour.

Me: For fucks sake woman. It’s Bombay Sapphire, the bottle is blue not the bloody gin!

 

She’s a food and beverage manager, sells it in work and has watched me drinking it for bloody ages. 

[littletedwest]

She's in a mood today because her son was a twat to her in a dream. He's done nothing in real life like 

[Strontium]

Mine asked me what a suspended sentence was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She has a degree in law.

[Dr Nowt]

35 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

She's in a mood today because her son was a twat to her in a dream. He's done nothing in real life like 

Recent ex used to pull this shit on a regular basis, which is why she’s now an ex. She failed to remember telling me whenever she had dreams about things like her students coming round the flat and calling her a cunt, so whenever she tried it on I used to ask her if she goes in and kicks off at her students when she’s had a dream they’ve been rude to her. Now I can’t read sign language, but I do know that her immediately getting a mouth like a dog’s arsehole means the answer to that one was no, no she didn’t. Happy times as we then worked our way to the next logical step in my point, with the use of sexual swearwords.

[YorkshireRed]

I’m going to my mate's 50th on Sat. It’s a party at his house. An all day affair that will undoubtedly get a bit messy. The wife’s known about it for ages, hates anything like this and usually wants to leave early. Would much rather spend the day gardening than drinking. 
 

I told her yesterday that, if she didn’t want to go, she doesn’t have to. I’d be fine to go on my own.

 

She’s barely spoken to me since. I can tell she’s seething and just waiting for me to say something so she can explode. 
 

Fuck that, I’m avoiding her until the party’s over. I find this tactic much more preferable to open communication.  

[Chairman Meow]

1 hour ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

Mine asked me what a suspended sentence was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She has a degree in law.

 

Tell her it means hanging. 

[Remmie]

Tell her it means having to wear suspenders on their first day 

[Dr Nowt]

Don’t tell her for a while, but keep making out you’re just about to reveal it.

[littletedwest]

3 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

I’m going to my mate's 50th on Sat. It’s a party at his house. An all day affair that will undoubtedly get a bit messy. The wife’s known about it for ages, hates anything like this and usually wants to leave early. Would much rather spend the day gardening than drinking. 
 

I told her yesterday that, if she didn’t want to go, she doesn’t have to. I’d be fine to go on my own.

 

She’s barely spoken to me since. I can tell she’s seething and just waiting for me to say something so she can explode. 
 

Fuck that, I’m avoiding her until the party’s over. I find this tactic much more preferable to open communication.  

My mates are going watching races on 3rd July. I couldnt afford it, but they are going pub after. They've booked two tables in pub and there are a few places spare. Told her,  "maybe I can come" . No I'd rather not go at all

[Harry Squatter]

Mine has developed a very annoying habit of never suggesting anywhere to go to eat, waiting for me to come up with something then says she doesnt want to go there.

 

The last few times I've chosen somewhere to eat she has acted like some restaurant critic when we've got there just so I can't relax and enjoy my meal in peace. I suggested going to a bistro in Prescot tonight and she was desperate not to enjoy the meal no matter what. Moaned about everything. 

 

I've wanted to go to a place in Formby for over a year and she's always said she can't be arsed going. I took our son out to the beach the other week and then took him for a meal in the place I wanted to go to. He loved it and ate loads despite being a picky eater. When I told her she had a cob on like I've deliberately gone there to piss her off because she kept telling me she never wanted to go but I did and because I've gone it's like I've taken away some power from her. 

 

We went out a few weeks ago to a place in town that she always goes to with her mates, the food was shite, the music was ridiculously loud and we waited ages for a table but she never said a negative word about it. 

[Davelfc]

A Father's Day card mix up led to a woman smashing up her partner's TV, laptop and phone.

Kerry, 44, saw red when she opened a card from Funky Pigeon- a personalised card and gift website - addressed to her partner Darren, 52.

She saw it was a Father's Day card from a baby named Summer-Rae and instantly thought he had fathered a secret love child during an affair.

Unable to reach Darren at work, Kerry destroyed his TV, laptop and phone with a hammer.

 

"If it were a generic Father's Day card it wouldn't be so bad but my kids call me Pops.

"It didn't have Mark, Paul or John written on it but the nickname all my kids call me!

"Needless to say she had gone absolutely ballistic."

He said: "Of course it's not her fault she's suspicious because I was a naughty boy 15 years ago.

"To be honest it's quite a sweet card but this has just started paranoia all over again.

"It's a simple process. It's not rocket science.

 

"Because they haven't done their job right it's causing me grief.

"They said they'll send me the card my daughter was originally going to send for free but what is that in a way of an apology?

"I've lost my laptop, TV and personal phone because they've sent the card out to Joe Bloggs.

"They need to be taken to task on this.

 

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/funky-pigeon-fathers-day-mix-20870732

[Mudface]

19 minutes ago, Impostor said:

A Father's Day card mix up led to a woman smashing up her partner's TV, laptop and phone.

Kerry, 44, saw red when she opened a card from Funky Pigeon- a personalised card and gift website - addressed to her partner Darren, 52.

She saw it was a Father's Day card from a baby named Summer-Rae and instantly thought he had fathered a secret love child during an affair.

Unable to reach Darren at work, Kerry destroyed his TV, laptop and phone with a hammer.

 

"If it were a generic Father's Day card it wouldn't be so bad but my kids call me Pops.

"It didn't have Mark, Paul or John written on it but the nickname all my kids call me!

"Needless to say she had gone absolutely ballistic."

He said: "Of course it's not her fault she's suspicious because I was a naughty boy 15 years ago.

"To be honest it's quite a sweet card but this has just started paranoia all over again.

"It's a simple process. It's not rocket science.

 

"Because they haven't done their job right it's causing me grief.

"They said they'll send me the card my daughter was originally going to send for free but what is that in a way of an apology?

"I've lost my laptop, TV and personal phone because they've sent the card out to Joe Bloggs.

"They need to be taken to task on this.

 

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/funky-pigeon-fathers-day-mix-20870732

So she opened something not addressed to her, 'instantly' thought he'd fathered a child and turned to violence because he was unavailable, presumably working to keep her in the booze she's accustomed to. And he's making excuses for her. 

[Chairman Meow]

8 minutes ago, Mudface said:

So she opened something not addressed to her, 'instantly' thought he'd fathered a child and turned to violence because he was unavailable, presumably working to keep her in the booze she's accustomed to. And he's making excuses for her. 

He needs a serious word with himself. 

 

He's justifying what she did because they made a mistake sending the card. If I was seeing someone who was reading my post and their go to solution was to start smashing the fuck out of things with a hammer I'd be inclined to think this might not be the relationship for me.

[Davelfc]

 

Maybe he's just really scared, I know the first thing I'd do is involve the media and have my dirty washing displayed to the world. 

[Josef Svejk]

6 minutes ago, Impostor said:

 

Maybe he's just really scared, I know the first thing I'd do is involve the media and have my dirty washing displayed to the world. 

That should be in the world of subhumans thread... 

[lifetime fan]

He deserves all he gets for putting up with that shit. 

[deiseach]

9 hours ago, Doctor Troy said:

Mine has developed a very annoying habit of never suggesting anywhere to go to eat, waiting for me to come up with something then says she doesnt want to go there.

 

The last few times I've chosen somewhere to eat she has acted like some restaurant critic when we've got there just so I can't relax and enjoy my meal in peace. I suggested going to a bistro in Prescot tonight and she was desperate not to enjoy the meal no matter what. Moaned about everything. 

 

I've wanted to go to a place in Formby for over a year and she's always said she can't be arsed going. I took our son out to the beach the other week and then took him for a meal in the place I wanted to go to. He loved it and ate loads despite being a picky eater. When I told her she had a cob on like I've deliberately gone there to piss her off because she kept telling me she never wanted to go but I did and because I've gone it's like I've taken away some power from her. 

 

We went out a few weeks ago to a place in town that she always goes to with her mates, the food was shite, the music was ridiculously loud and we waited ages for a table but she never said a negative word about it. 

My wife is the opposite. Everywhere she goes is fab-u-lous!, which is fine when it is but it gets a little wearing when it's merely adequate. She says it's because she's not doing the cooking, which would made sense 15 years ago when I couldn't boil an egg but I do most of the cooking these days and, if I do say so myself, have become pretty good at it. And I always do the washing up. Still, reading about your woes is going to make me look at her ways in a more positive light. There's something to be said for being ebullient at the table rather than letting it all pass without comment or criticising everything.

[Pete]

2 hours ago, Impostor said:

A Father's Day card mix up led to a woman smashing up her partner's TV, laptop and phone.

Kerry, 44, saw red when she opened a card from Funky Pigeon- a personalised card and gift website - addressed to her partner Darren, 52.

She saw it was a Father's Day card from a baby named Summer-Rae and instantly thought he had fathered a secret love child during an affair.

Unable to reach Darren at work, Kerry destroyed his TV, laptop and phone with a hammer.

 

"If it were a generic Father's Day card it wouldn't be so bad but my kids call me Pops.

"It didn't have Mark, Paul or John written on it but the nickname all my kids call me!

"Needless to say she had gone absolutely ballistic."

He said: "Of course it's not her fault she's suspicious because I was a naughty boy 15 years ago.

"To be honest it's quite a sweet card but this has just started paranoia all over again.

"It's a simple process. It's not rocket science.

 

"Because they haven't done their job right it's causing me grief.

"They said they'll send me the card my daughter was originally going to send for free but what is that in a way of an apology?

"I've lost my laptop, TV and personal phone because they've sent the card out to Joe Bloggs.

"They need to be taken to task on this.

 

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/funky-pigeon-fathers-day-mix-20870732

Serves him right for ordering from Funky Pigeon.  Moon Pig all the way!

[Davelfc]

It's domestic abuse dressed up as a light hearted story. 

[VladimirIlyich]

16 minutes ago, Impostor said:

It's domestic abuse dressed up as a light hearted story. 

He would hardly be drowning in pussy if he dumped her though.

[alles ist gut]

4 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

He would hardly be drowning in pussy if he dumped her though.

She wouldn't let him live long enough either way!

[KMD7]

2 hours ago, Chairman Meow said:

He needs a serious word with himself. 

 

He's justifying what she did because they made a mistake sending the card. If I was seeing someone who was reading my post and their go to solution was to start smashing the fuck out of things with a hammer I'd be inclined to think this might not be the relationship for me.

Probably a mental shag though. 

[Chairman Meow]

4 minutes ago, KMD7 said:

Probably a mental shag though. 

Even as I wrote that I was also thinking along those lines. It's the only way it makes sense to tolerate it

[Bjornebye]

The fact she’s let herself have her photo published with her holding a hammer tells you all you. We’d to know. She’ll get it on a canvas in the living room as a reminder next to “live, laugh, love, Prosecco”