The world of a woman.

[Harry Squatter]

3 hours ago, manwiththestick said:

The only good thing about Christmas this year is i can get out of visiting people and people ain't turning up at ours and I won't be getting roped into going the pub chocker with all the once a year knobheads.

The once a year knobheads in the pub need to be banned.

 

Was in a pub in town a few years back and it was chocker. Fucking old twats ordering about 40 drinks but sending one of them to the back of the pub to ask the other twats they were with what they wanted whilst they were at the bar. It was only the fact that they were old that stopped them being filled in.

[Harry Squatter]

I absolutely despise Christmas. The run up to it this year isnt too bad but the last year or two have been a nightmare.

 

People in work organising Christmas nights out in July.

 

Women plan all year for it.

 

It starts mid September with adverts and shops ramming it down your throat.

 

People going into debt to buy things and feeling pressured. 

 

People say it's an excuse to drink. If you want to drink then why do you need an excuse?

[Captain Turdseye]

On 29/11/2020 at 22:26, Doctor Troy said:

There's a street by me where everyone in it has put in together for tons of Christmas lights which are all connected to street lights and stretch across the road. It looks like fucking Fremont street in Las Vegas.

 

Fuck that. I can't even be arsed getting the tree out of the loft.

My best mate put massive Xmas lights on the front of his house one year. I think it was Santa climbing a ladder or something similar. He ended up never taking them down so when Summer rolled around and the nights were warm we used to sit off in his garden drinking cans, playing poker and basking in the warm glow and ambiance of the illuminations. 
 

11 hours ago, sir roger said:

Normally I am a bit grinchy towards Xmas but it's been such a fucked-up year that I am not going to get too down on anybody getting their pleasures wherever they can.

 

Our tree has been up for a few days. We traditionally do it on the 1st of December but my sister put hers up on Halloween and my daughter noticed while we were FaceTime calling last week. Her reasoning was like you said, fucked up year, but I still didn’t appreciate having to go up into the attic the next morning. But now all the lights are on the tree and other decorations around the living room and it’s actually quite nice. 

[Harry Squatter]

3 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

My best mate put massive Xmas lights on the front of his house one year. I think it was Santa climbing a ladder or something similar. He ended up never taking them down so when Summer rolled around and the nights were warm we used to sit off in his garden drinking cans, playing poker and basking in the warm glow and ambiance of the illuminations. 
 

 

 

Used to live with my brother who was a lazy twat. He put up some lights around the living room for Christmas and never took them down for 2 years. He only took them down after half the bulbs popped.

 

He also had a party in the summer after I had moved out and put his dining room table in the garden. The lazy twat never brought it in and I went round in January the year after to see it still in the garden falling to bits after months of wind, rain and snow had wrecked it.

[Evelyn Tentions]

23 hours ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Its still November. Fuck Christmas,until an appropriate time,like a week before.

Wait until January 2nd when the Easter eggs start appearing in the supermarkets.

[Bjornebye]

Decorations going up tonight. I said to her last night lets put some xmas music on and have a couple of drinks while we decorate etc before the unmentionable. She messaged my phone from upstairs this morning while I'm working downstairs "Seeing as your going in the attic can you take up etc etc and bring down etc etc also see if you can find etc etc, plus we need to paint that corner of the ceiling first and it will need sanding before-hand and shall we do this that and the other... etc etc etc before the decorations go up?" The etc etc being pointless things as you can expect. We had a leak in the kitchen roof last month so that cost a bomb to get sorted and yesterday we had the fellas out to do the gutters. I suppose I'm the lazy one for saying let's put it off till January its been stress-full enough year as it is but oh no, tonight she's expecting a full changing rooms makeover of the house. 

She's lucky I love xmas. 

[Pete]

37 minutes ago, Evelyn Tentions said:

Wait until January 2nd when the Easter eggs start appearing in the supermarkets.

Nah. They'll be stuck on a lorry parked up in Kent. 

[Mook]

[Creator Supreme]

Just now, Mook said:

Yeah, looks right to me!

[tokyojoe]

2 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Decorations going up tonight. I said to her last night lets put some xmas music on and have a couple of drinks while we decorate etc before the unmentionable. She messaged my phone from upstairs this morning while I'm working downstairs "Seeing as your going in the attic can you take up etc etc and bring down etc etc also see if you can find etc etc, plus we need to paint that corner of the ceiling first and it will need sanding before-hand and shall we do this that and the other... etc etc etc before the decorations go up?" The etc etc being pointless things as you can expect. We had a leak in the kitchen roof last month so that cost a bomb to get sorted and yesterday we had the fellas out to do the gutters. I suppose I'm the lazy one for saying let's put it off till January its been stress-full enough year as it is but oh no, tonight she's expecting a full changing rooms makeover of the house. 

She's lucky I love xmas. 

Have you seeked professional help?

[tokyojoe]

2 hours ago, Mook said:

Spot on.

[Remmie]

Having a go at Mince pies is Bang out of order. 

[Dougie Do'ins]

You live in a grade 2 listed building. The buildings inner construction is mainly original timber. The building has six floors and has 60 + other apartments in it.

 

Your at home early on Saturday afternoon when you notice that one of your electronic devices chargers is starting to smell. It feels a lot warmer than it should be and is showing signs of burning. Do you.

 

A - Unplug the charger, leave it to cool down in a safe place and then once your satisfied it no longer poses a danger, dispose of it in a safe place leaving the rest of the occupants in the building to enjoy their Saturday ?

 

B- Unplug the charger. Transport it immediately to the building waste chute. Dispense of it in the waste chute where it falls to the communal bins containing fuck knows how much combustible materials in the basement of the building four floors below the one you live on. Then dial 999 requesting the fire brigade come immediately as you think there is a risk of a fire starting in the building. 

 

Answers on a post card to Mr D. Do'ins, C/O TLW. Please mark your entry, Thick Canadian Bint.

 

First correct answer drawn out of a hat wins a free lobotomy training session on a live Canadian female.*

 

*The promoter cannot guarantee the Canadian female has had no previous lobotomy work.  

[easytoslip]

I mentioned about that Nuremberg programme on the TV thread just now, anyway I sent a text to her that it might be worth a watch. 

She sent one back saying, the bastards, they should of hung the lot. 

I know unpaid community work and a tag wasn't nearly enough. 

[Chip Butty]

She's currently jumping around the living room offering coaching advice and cheering them on, in the I'm a celebrity battle to get up the hill with wind and rain blowing at them.

 

I honestly would never have guessed she had a grasp on aero and fluid, dynamics. Amazing. 

[Bjornebye]

Fuck sake. That M&S cheese advert has just come on "mans greatest invention" so i just casually turned to her and said "Come on you must miss cheese" (her being a vegan) "Not really...." and has just gone into one about how they make cheese, the cow and its babies getting separated then when it can't milk it gets slaughtered for burgers its barbaric then she's fucked off for a bath and left me sat here questioning life. 

 

Rule #1 - Never open your mouth  

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

39 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Rule #1 - Don't live with a vegan if you like eating animal products

 

Only yourself to blame here

[Tony Moanero]

On 01/12/2020 at 11:08, Mook said:

Mince pies are boss.

 

Edit - Remmie knows.

Edited December 5, 2020 by Tony Moanero

[Bjornebye]

18 minutes ago, Aw Geez said:

 

Only yourself to blame here

Cheers for the back up 

[Paulie Dangerously]

Just re- taping every single moving box she's done because she bought packing tape from Poundland. May as well have licked tissue and used that. 

[Furmedge]

She came home from Costa this morning to tell me the tyre pressure light has come on in her car on the way home.  Code for her telling me I need to go and put some air in her tyres before work tomorrow.

 

Joke's on her though, I can get half an hour out the house leaving her with the kids.

[manwiththestick]

47 minutes ago, Furmedge said:

She came home from Costa this morning to tell me the tyre pressure light has come on in her car on the way home.  Code for her telling me I need to go and put some air in her tyres before work tomorrow.

 

Joke's on her though, I can get half an hour out the house leaving her with the kids.

Reminds me of a few years back, mine went to the petrol station to top up a tyre which I had commented looked a bit low. She then rings me saying she is using the air line but the tyre has just gone completely flat. 

 

Turns out she had put the money in but not pressed start so her then chucking the air gun on the valve just resulted in the air seeping out.

 

This was all my fault of course.

[Remmie]

2 hours ago, Furmedge said:

She came home from Costa this morning to tell me the tyre pressure light has come on in her car on the way home.  Code for her telling me I need to go and put some air in her tyres before work tomorrow.

 

Joke's on her though, I can get half an hour out the house leaving her with the kids.

Hope you gave an audible sigh and it actually takes an hour because of fucking queues... 

[Champ]

3 hours ago, Remmie said:

Hope you gave an audible sigh and it actually takes an hour because of fucking queues... 

I’ll go anywhere for a bit of peace from them at weekends these days

[Harry Squatter]