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The world of a woman.


Ezekiel 25:17
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10 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

Hey @Paulie Dangerously, I feel your pain...

 

 

Went to the garden centre earlier ‘for a look around’. 

She then decided she wanted to surprise the boys with a Christmas tree when they get home from school today. 

 

Me: It’s too fucking early, it’s not even December. 
Her: Don’t be such a miserable cunt.
Me: It’s not being miserable wanting to wait for December to buy a bloody Christmas tree. 
Her: Why can’t you be excited for our first Christmas together. 
Me: I was. Last year. When it was our first Christmas together. 
Her: Why do you have to always be such an argumentative prick? 
Me: It’s a natural talent I have. 


She storms off in a huff. 

 

Her: Well I’m having this tree today no matter what you say. 
Me: Babe, get a bloody tree if that’s what makes you happy. But that tree is too big. 
Her: No it isn’t. 
Me: Yes it is. 
Her: It isn’t. 
Me: It is. It’s not massively tall I agree but it’s too big in diameter for the lounge. 
Her: How do you know? 
Me: *starts biting knuckles*, because I have a clue about special awareness! 
Her: Stop being a twat and ruining the day. I’m having it. 

 

Come home, she’s rearranged the furniture 3 times and this is her best idea...

 

 

 

Me: We just won’t use the back porch or washing machine for 7 weeks then!

2DAAC694-35AE-47DC-9F4B-B1DD1EFA0071.jpeg

I hate to be the one to tell you but that tree is a little too big for your room....

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Here's a prank you can pull.

 

Get up in the middle of the night, haul the tree into the back garden somewhere immediately out of sight, and replace it with the top of a carrot. You'll need a carrot with its top still on, but then you live in yokel country so those will be fairly common anyway so I don't envisage a problem here. Then tell her she's only gone and bought the tree off a gypsy who's cursed it and made it shrink.

 

Oh, and don't forget to share any subsequent conversation here.

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5 minutes ago, Trumo said:

Here's a prank you can pull.

 

Get up in the middle of the night, haul the tree into the back garden somewhere immediately out of sight, and replace it with the top of a carrot. You'll need a carrot with its top still on, but then you live in yokel country so those will be fairly common anyway so I don't envisage a problem here. Then tell her she's only gone and bought the tree off a gypsy who's cursed it and made it shrink.

 

Oh, and don't forget to share any subsequent conversation here.


I am so fucking tempted by this...

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2 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

Hey @Paulie Dangerously, I feel your pain...

 

 

Went to the garden centre earlier ‘for a look around’. 

She then decided she wanted to surprise the boys with a Christmas tree when they get home from school today. 

 

Me: It’s too fucking early, it’s not even December. 
Her: Don’t be such a miserable cunt.
Me: It’s not being miserable wanting to wait for December to buy a bloody Christmas tree. 
Her: Why can’t you be excited for our first Christmas together. 
Me: I was. Last year. When it was our first Christmas together. 
Her: Why do you have to always be such an argumentative prick? 
Me: It’s a natural talent I have. 


She storms off in a huff. 

 

Her: Well I’m having this tree today no matter what you say. 
Me: Babe, get a bloody tree if that’s what makes you happy. But that tree is too big. 
Her: No it isn’t. 
Me: Yes it is. 
Her: It isn’t. 
Me: It is. It’s not massively tall I agree but it’s too big in diameter for the lounge. 
Her: How do you know? 
Me: *starts biting knuckles*, because I have a clue about special awareness! 
Her: Stop being a twat and ruining the day. I’m having it. 

 

Come home, she’s rearranged the furniture 3 times and this is her best idea...

 

2DAAC694-35AE-47DC-9F4B-B1DD1EFA0071.jpeg
 

 

Me: We just won’t use the back porch or washing machine for 7 weeks then!

It's more a bush than a tree.

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2 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

Hey @Paulie Dangerously, I feel your pain...

 

 

Went to the garden centre earlier ‘for a look around’. 

She then decided she wanted to surprise the boys with a Christmas tree when they get home from school today. 

 

Me: It’s too fucking early, it’s not even December. 
Her: Don’t be such a miserable cunt.
Me: It’s not being miserable wanting to wait for December to buy a bloody Christmas tree. 
Her: Why can’t you be excited for our first Christmas together. 
Me: I was. Last year. When it was our first Christmas together. 
Her: Why do you have to always be such an argumentative prick? 
Me: It’s a natural talent I have. 


She storms off in a huff. 

 

Her: Well I’m having this tree today no matter what you say. 
Me: Babe, get a bloody tree if that’s what makes you happy. But that tree is too big. 
Her: No it isn’t. 
Me: Yes it is. 
Her: It isn’t. 
Me: It is. It’s not massively tall I agree but it’s too big in diameter for the lounge. 
Her: How do you know? 
Me: *starts biting knuckles*, because I have a clue about special awareness! 
Her: Stop being a twat and ruining the day. I’m having it. 

 

Come home, she’s rearranged the furniture 3 times and this is her best idea...

 

2DAAC694-35AE-47DC-9F4B-B1DD1EFA0071.jpeg
 

 

Me: We just won’t use the back porch or washing machine for 7 weeks then!

How long have you been living with my wife mate? 

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4 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

How long have you been living with my wife mate? 


Since before last Christmas, although I’d have loved to see her reaction if I said this was our first Christmas together. 
 

I’m dreading redecorating our bedroom and bringing my bedroom furniture down. I’m half tempted to say to the buyer of my place they can have it for free! 

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12 hours ago, Section_31 said:

By far the most my wife has spoken to me in recent times was two weeks ago, when I was in the the throws of a severe ear infection that had left me partially deaf and unable to turn my head. 

My Mrs has to talk to me incessantly when either the football is on or I'm playing poker. Not the other 140 hours of the week but those specific hours. 

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About six weeks ago I used her house key for our front door and noticed it had bent and looked like it could snap at any point.

 

Me: You might want to get a new key before it breaks.

Her: yeah, will do.

 

A few days later..

 

Me: did you sort you key out?

Her: oh no, not had chance.

 

About two weeks ago..

 

Me: Sorted that key yet?

Her: OMG, it's fine, stop going on!

Me: Fair enough, it will say no more.

 

Working from home today and she's out for a walk with her mum when my phone rings..

 

Her: Can you come let me in?

Me: sure, why?

Her: my key has broken and snapped in the lock.

 

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10 minutes ago, manwiththestick said:

About six weeks ago I used her house key for our front door and noticed it had bent and looked like it could snap at any point.

 

Me: You might want to get a new key before it breaks.

Her: yeah, will do.

 

A few days later..

 

Me: did you sort you key out?

Her: oh no, not had chance.

 

About two weeks ago..

 

Me: Sorted that key yet?

Her: OMG, it's fine, stop going on!

Me: Fair enough, it will say no more.

 

Working from home today and she's out for a walk with her mum when my phone rings..

 

Her: Can you come let me in?

Me: sure, why?

Her: my key has broken and snapped in the lock.

 

I swear they're on a big massive wind-up. 

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1 minute ago, manwiththestick said:

She was about to call out a locksmith as well until I told her to go the diy shop and get a replacement yale cylinder and I'll fit it after work, she then got a cob on because I wouldn't stop work and go out and get one.

You selfish, un-caring, heartless, distant bastard. She's already made it all your fault. 

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Fella on my team in work has had his annual "I want this done before christmas" orders put in today. 

 

This year his Mrs has suddenly decided that she wants the front room painted, even though he did it 2 years ago. Every year she seems to pull these ideas out of the sky but none of them ever involve her lifting a finger. 

 

This year he hasn't even got the option of fucking off on boxing day to the footy when she invites all her relatives round. 

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51 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

Fella on my team in work has had his annual "I want this done before christmas" orders put in today. 

 

This year his Mrs has suddenly decided that she wants the front room painted, even though he did it 2 years ago. Every year she seems to pull these ideas out of the sky but none of them ever involve her lifting a finger. 

 

This year he hasn't even got the option of fucking off on boxing day to the footy when she invites all her relatives round. 

That's the worst. The 'no escape' syndrome.

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On 26/11/2020 at 18:02, manwiththestick said:

About six weeks ago I used her house key for our front door and noticed it had bent and looked like it could snap at any point.

 

Me: You might want to get a new key before it breaks.

Her: yeah, will do.

 

A few days later..

 

Me: did you sort you key out?

Her: oh no, not had chance.

 

About two weeks ago..

 

Me: Sorted that key yet?

Her: OMG, it's fine, stop going on!

Me: Fair enough, it will say no more.

 

Working from home today and she's out for a walk with her mum when my phone rings..

 

Her: Can you come let me in?

Me: sure, why?

Her: my key has broken and snapped in the lock.

 

The bit you missed out on was her asking you to sort it out, ages after she knew she needed to get it sorted herself and swore blind she'd get it done, then palmed it off to you on a day when you were really busy and had no chance to do what she suddenly demanded. That's fun.

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