The world of a woman.

[Rico1304]

Woman at work went to make herself beans on toast. Ended up frying her husband’s Range Rover key in the microwave. 

[Bjornebye]

13 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

Woman at work went to make herself beans on toast. Ended up frying her husband’s Range Rover key in the microwave. 

Good luck with this one brother. 

[Trumo]

At least you lot have wheelie bins for recycling. We have orange bin bags. Plenty of divvies putting in boxes intact inside a bag so they have loads of orange bags awaiting on collection day, and the damned things get blown all over the road in the slightest breeze because there's no weight to them.

[Bjornebye]

12 minutes ago, Trumo said:

At least you lot have wheelie bins for recycling. We have orange bin bags. Plenty of divvies putting in boxes intact inside a bag so they have loads of orange bags awaiting on collection day, and the damned things get blown all over the road in the slightest breeze because there's no weight to them.

We used to have the same problem but the tories solved it by making more people homeless. Don't you tell me they cant solve problems. 

[Rico1304]

31 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Good luck with this one brother. 

Guess what, she wants me as her mentor.  Easiest job ever. 

[Section_31]

If I ever want my Mrs to talk to me a lot, I just need to look extremely ill, extremely tired or extremely busy. 

[Bjornebye]

She put the towels in the wash earlier. 

 

Every fucking towel. Not only wont the washing machine spin because its too heavy but we don't have a towel to dry with after a shower. Her brother and his missus are taking us for dinner tonight for helping them move house. She is moaning that she can't get dry. It's all my fault obviously. 

[Pete]

20 hours ago, Josef Svejk said:

For fucks sake!

My wife does exactly the same thing!!! 

[littletedwest]

38 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

If I ever want my Mrs to talk to me a lot, I just need to look extremely ill, extremely tired or extremely busy. 

Yeah. Whenever I've had a busy day and say I'm gonna have an hour on couch doing nothing,  she then starts mithering more. " what about this wallpaper?" Leave me alone

[Byrnie]

2 hours ago, Section_31 said:

If I ever want my Mrs to talk to me a lot, I just need to look extremely ill, extremely tired or extremely busy. 

Stick on something you're really interested in on the TV just to make sure.

[Bob]

I’m very lucky that my missus is generally really easy going and we don’t argue about things, even when there’s stuff that could blow up, we end up having a proper chat about it and it’s done. She’s ace in many regards but that’s the bit that I like most about her, but with that said I also feel like I’ve set it out on a path for success by openly calling her names when she does something daft, and telling her bluntly when I’m not interested in some of the inane stuff she tell me, and celebrating the times when I’m left on my own.

[lifetime fan]

Since I moved in at the beginning of the year I’ve wanted to get someone to look at the handle on the lounge window. 
 

It’s been loose for ages and you could feel it was going to sheer off anytime soon. 
 

“No, it’s fine, it won’t break, we’re not spending money on it, it’ll be fine”. 
 

She opens the window this morning and the handle sheers off. 
 

“How did you close the window and break the handle”? 
 

Twat! 
 

 

[Remmie]

6 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

Since I moved in at the beginning of the year I’ve wanted to get someone to look at the handle on the lounge window. 
 

It’s been loose for ages and you could feel it was going to sheer off anytime soon. 
 

“No, it’s fine, it won’t break, we’re not spending money on it, it’ll be fine”. 
 

She opens the window this morning and the handle sheers off. 
 

“How did you close the window and break the handle”? 
 

Twat! 
 

 

Those look like standard window locks that you can fit yourself and cost about £10-15 online

 

[lifetime fan]

Just now, Remmie said:

Those look like standard window locks that you can fit yourself and cost about £10-15 online

 

I’ll PM you her number. 

[Dougie Do'ins]

Just now, Remmie said:

Those look like standard window locks that you can fit yourself and cost about £10-15 online

 

Yep, screwfix do them.

 

It a piece of piss Col.

 

https://www.screwfix.com/c/security-ironmongery/window-handles/cat841038

[A Red]

44 minutes ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Yep, screwfix do them.

 

 

I can confirm that this isnt a dating agency

[lifetime fan]

1 hour ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Yep, screwfix do them.

 

It a piece of piss Col.

 

https://www.screwfix.com/c/security-ironmongery/window-handles/cat841038

I refer the right honourable gentleman to my previous answer. 

[Rico1304]

On 29/08/2020 at 21:11, Rico1304 said:

Woman at work went to make herself beans on toast. Ended up frying her husband’s Range Rover key in the microwave. 

I found out the full details of this today and I must admit it wasn’t her fault.  
 

Her husband used to put his car keys in the microwave to act as a Faraday cage and stop it getting nicked. She bought him a key pouch that did the same job but he insisted on still putting the pouch in the microwave. He came home from work and chucked the keys in the microwave (but not in the bag).

She went to use the microwave later, took out the bag but as she’s a short arse couldn’t see the keys as the microwave is above her eyeline.  I officially withdraw this from the WoW thread 

[Paulie Dangerously]

11 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

I found out the full details of this today and I must admit it wasn’t her fault.  
 

Her husband used to put his car keys in the microwave to act as a Faraday cage and stop it getting nicked. She bought him a key pouch that did the same job but he insisted on still putting the pouch in the microwave. He came home from work and chucked the keys in the microwave (but not in the bag).

She went to use the microwave later, took out the bag but as she’s a short arse couldn’t see the keys as the microwave is above her eyeline.  I officially withdraw this from the WoW thread 

Loath as I am to side with a split arse you're spot on to withdraw this. Madness. 

 

There's not been a MrsD' Measurement Mishaps for a while unless you count buying a baking tray that won't fit in the oven. 

[YorkshireRed]

It’s a while ago this, but here you go. It probably could happen to anyone but it’s definitely an example of the stubbornness of the woman I call my wife.

 

I’m not really a camping fan but suggested we should maybe have a couple of days away with the kids. I meant ‘at some point, sometime’ but the wife decided it had to be that upcoming weekend. Unfortunately I already had plans which caused the usual complaints about never putting them first.
 

She definitely had a point but my suggestion that we go the following weekend just poured fuel on the fire. After a scorcher of an argument, she decided she was going without me and booked a campsite in the lakes and gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the week. I probably should have backed down but I’m a stubborn cunt as well.

 

Anyway, she packed the car up and drove with the kids the two hours or so to the campsite. I obviously went out on the piss, it was a mates birthday and we’d arranged a night out a good while before. 
 

When I got home in the small hours, I was surprised to find the wife and kids already home. Slept on the sofa as my spider sense knew better than to claim a post bender shag. 
 

Turns out she’d  taken everything one possibly might need for a camping trip apart from tent pegs which she left in the garage.

 

I chose not to take the piss over this which I’m sure resolves me of any blame for her error.

 

Moral of the story. Don’t make suggestions, trying to be a good guy. It’ll end badly. Especially if you’re basically a cunt. 

 

 

[Ne Moe Imya]

2 hours ago, Rico1304 said:

I found out the full details of this today and I must admit it wasn’t her fault.  
 

Her husband used to put his car keys in the microwave to act as a Faraday cage and stop it getting nicked. She bought him a key pouch that did the same job but he insisted on still putting the pouch in the microwave. He came home from work and chucked the keys in the microwave (but not in the bag).

She went to use the microwave later, took out the bag but as she’s a short arse couldn’t see the keys as the microwave is above her eyeline.  I officially withdraw this from the WoW thread 

Maybe I'm thick (or poor, having never owned a Range Rover or any car newer than 10 years, really), but what does this sentence mean?

 

I'm familiar with the concept of a Faraday cage but how one is required to keep people from nicking your car is a mystery to me.

[manwiththestick]

13 minutes ago, Ne Moe Imya said:

Maybe I'm thick (or poor, having never owned a Range Rover or any car newer than 10 years, really), but what does this sentence mean?

 

I'm familiar with the concept of a Faraday cage but how one is required to keep people from nicking your car is a mystery to me.

You can get a device which reads the chip on the keys, depending on where you keep the key the person doesn't even need to enter the house, the device can then act as the key to open the car and start the engine (on push button vehicles)

[Trumo]

2 hours ago, Rico1304 said:

I found out the full details of this today and I must admit it wasn’t her fault.  
 

Her husband used to put his car keys in the microwave to act as a Faraday cage and stop it getting nicked. She bought him a key pouch that did the same job but he insisted on still putting the pouch in the microwave. He came home from work and chucked the keys in the microwave (but not in the bag).

She went to use the microwave later, took out the bag but as she’s a short arse couldn’t see the keys as the microwave is above her eyeline.  I officially withdraw this from the WoW thread 

 

Stupid idea #1.

 

Assuming his missus isn't a shortarse or a dwarf, the folly of this idea in homes is beyond me. You are handling something that is likely to be piping hot when it comes out of the microwave. Why have the microwave that high up? Also stupid is having the microwave above the stove. This seems to be a theme in AMerican kitchens in particular.

 

10 minutes ago, Ne Moe Imya said:

Maybe I'm thick (or poor, having never owned a Range Rover or any car newer than 10 years, really), but what does this sentence mean?

 

I'm familiar with the concept of a Faraday cage but how one is required to keep people from nicking your car is a mystery to me.

 

Opportunist thieves have sophisticated equipment that can communicate with the security chip in your key, downloading all the data required to start and drive off with your car without the need for the actual key. The Faraday cage provides interference to stop them from doing so.

 

Stupid idea #2.

 

Keyless Entry/Go. The sheer laziness of people has led to things like this, where you need all sorts of extra shit for added security. I'm fine with remote central locking, but I didn't realise that putting a key into the ignition was a problem that needed solving.

[Stouffer]

Least middle class thing ever; because everyone knows that middle class people keep their car keys in bowls.

[Rico1304]

11 minutes ago, Stouffer said:

Least middle class thing ever; because everyone knows that middle class people keep their car keys in bowls.

She’s from Wigan, there are no middle class in Wigan.