The world of a woman.

[Chairman Meow]

On 03/03/2019 at 11:40, manwiththestick said:

Spends money behind her back on doing up an old VW camper that has never been on the road in the years he's had it and always in the garage tinkering and drinking. 

 

Of course I now milk this.

Drinking part aside there is fuck all wrong with that. I've always been given shit for spending time/money on the rally cars and the few investment cars I've had. 

 

Apparently it's a total waste of time and money. Unlike buying a dresses that she'd only wear once or twice for a few hundred quid which was a totally sensible financial strategy. 

 

On 08/03/2019 at 02:43, General Dryness said:

"Indispensable Man" by Saxon White Kessinger

As my granddad used to say to me on occasions where I was ill but had still gone into work "the graveyards are full of people who thought they were indispensable". 

[sir roger]

There is a film out at the moment ' What Men Want ' ( a sex-reversal of the Mel Gibson cheese-fest ) but if women really want to understand young men they could do worse than watch ' Here comes the Bride ' which appears all over the repeat channels on tv. 

 

Basically the lad is given £10k to arrange and pay for their wedding & she is not allowed to be involved. The girl usually starts out quite confident that the guy will do a fine job and everything will be great, with him realising it is the most important day of her life. Meanwhile in 90% of the cases we are already seeing clips of the lad blowing £8000 or so on a stag do abroad for all his mates. Once this is over and he has sobered up he realises he has fuck all left to pay for a wedding & starts a mad dash around Primark buying bridesmaids dresses for a fiver each that are not allowed near open flames, books the local working mens club for the reception and goes to a bridal shop asking what wedding dresses they have in the £50/£60 range ( He never has a clue as to his to-be wife's size ). Around this time it dawns on the bride that she is marrying a complete wanker, and that her parents have always been aware of this and would really rather disembowel him than let him marry their daughter. You would think at this point that at least a few of the girls would tell him to fuck off, but this has never happened and after many tears they make pathetic excuses for them with a whiff of desperation to be married at all costs.

[Davelfc]

I can't say too much as it's close family but a budget of £22k on a wedding, one fucking day! All it takes is one wanker to ruin it and there's enough of them invited. 

 

[Harry Squatter]

[Davelfc]

[Bob]

My internet has gone down at home - again, fucking virgin media dicks - and I’m sat with my missus looking at holidays and whatnot.

 

she asked how I’m still using my phone if the internet is down. I didn’t understand the question for a minute to be honest, but explained it’s only my broadband that’s down, and she seemed happy enough with that.

 

A few minutes later she said “ooh, if the internet’s working again when we go up to bed I’ll play you a clip from the radio earlier” 

 

to which I said “just play it on your phone”

 

and she said “but you said the internet isn’t working”

 

so I explained again, that my broadband is down, so use your 4g.

 

she looked at me, confused, and said “but you just said the internet is broken”

 

i called her a moron.

 

fin.

[Pureblood]

On 14/03/2019 at 19:32, Doctor Troy said:

Some fat woman in work still goes on about Steve Staunton and Glenn Hysen asking her out on a date (both different times) about 30 odd years ago. 

 

She's single and still lives with her parents and always moans about her sister who owns her own house and goes on about 6 holidays a year. Proper fucking hates her even though her sister is nice to her. Her sister arranged a party for her 50th and hardly anyone turned up but she decided it was her sisters fault for not telling enough people.

 

It isnt her sisters fault that she's got no mates and no one in their right mind would bang her.

 

 

What's her number?

[s(k)aturation]

 

666

[3 Stacks]

Have no entries for this thread. All the women in my life are smarter than me. 

[Mook]

We've taken on a new client up here & my boss was just on the phone asking why we (in Edinburgh) should be taking on a Belfast based client over the London office, she actually said, "It's not as if Edinburgh is any closer.".

 

Obviously we all know Edinburgh is closer but to be sure, I've just checked exactly how much closer (as the crow flies):-

 

Edinburgh to Belfast - 229 miles

London to Belfast - 528 miles

 

Idiot.

 

 

[Trumo]

You should just say it's to do with May's backstop and let her tell all and sundry via email.

[Mook]

A couple of other belters from her this morning...

 

"I'm tired to the back teeth of these systems."

 

"Doing it the old way was straighter forward."

[tokyojoe]

1 hour ago, Mook said:

A couple of other belters from her this morning...

 

"I'm tired to the back teeth of these systems."

 

"Doing it the old way was straighter forward."

You'll really miss her when you go Mark.

[Dougie Do'ins]

2 hours ago, Mook said:

We've taken on a new client up here & my boss was just on the phone asking why we (in Edinburgh) should be taking on a Belfast based client over the London office, she actually said, "It's not as if Edinburgh is any closer.".

 

Obviously we all know Edinburgh is closer but to be sure, I've just checked exactly how much closer (as the crow flies):-

 

Edinburgh to Belfast - 229 miles

London to Belfast - 528 miles

 

Idiot.

 

 

TLW just won't be the same once you leave there.  Any chance you could reconsider  ?

[Mook]

13 minutes ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

TLW just won't be the same once you leave there.  Any chance you could reconsider  ?

If Katy Perry gets a job in here in the next nine days, I'll think about it.

[Pureblood]

1 hour ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

TLW just won't be the same once you leave there.  Any chance you could reconsider  ?

I'm going to apply for Mook's job.

[Harry Squatter]

So one Prime minister acts quickly which means all women are great and sort things out. 

 

Obviously the woman who put this together has never heard of Theresa May. 

[Mudface]

6 days and the killing of 50 people.

[moof]

really

[Jairzinho]

On 14/03/2019 at 23:40, Doctor Troy said:

On a similar theme. She recently did a one month trial of Amazon prime and is now sending me messages every day with Amazon links for various bits of utter tat.

 

"What about these 15 lanterns for the patio? Only 27 euros"

 

I mean, how do you respond to this without just lobbing her clothes into a skip and changing the locks?

 

Not she quite understands only the fucking postage is free.

 

[Mook]

My boss is complaining about the boy playing bagpipes outside our office this morning...

 

"The pipes are quieter than they were yesterday, does this mean that all bagpipes aren't the same?"

 

For a start, the windows were open yesterday & are currently closed. Also, are all guitars, saxophones or drum kits the same? No, so why would all bagpipes be the same you fucking moron. Only two more days left of listening to this pish.

[Remmie]

I hope she gives us one last pearler before you leave. Did you do the exit interview yet? 

[VladimirIlyich]

2 minutes ago, Remmie said:

I hope she gives us one last pearler before you leave. Did you do the exit interview yet? 

That will consist of Mook launching his boss from a third floor window.

[Mook]

7 minutes ago, Remmie said:

I hope she gives us one last pearler before you leave. Did you do the exit interview yet? 

Aye, it was just an online survey thing, I gave it both barrels about a few things I've not been happy about including her. One of the questions was 'Do you feel your line manager has been a positive role model?' & I selected 'Strongly disagree'.

[Captain Turdseye]

When I met Mrs Turdseye she had a shit tattoo on her wrist to try and cover another shit tattoo that she’d had there of her ex’s name. Over the years she’s wasted fucking loads of money on laser removal which didn’t work before eventually getting a less shit tattoo to cover it up completely. I’ve mocked her often and mercilessly about how ridiculous it is to get someone’s name tattooed on you. If it’s your kid, it’s understandable. Otherwise it’s obviously a stupid thing to do. She should know that better than anyone. 

 

She’s got a new mate and the boyfriend of said mate is a tattoo artist apparently. Well you know where I’m going with this...