The world of a woman.

[Kenyanspeed]

rofl what a fail!!!!

['Kaka]

I told Mrs. 'Kaka last Friday that we'd been invited to a Halloween Party.

 

"When's the party?" she replied.

 

I think our eldest has got the gene too - she thought Euthanasia was a country earlier today.

[havarantagain]

Don't let them out with your off spring either...

Amazing video of baby surviving being hit by train Video - Yahoo! News UK

[kelster]

I can't rest in the house this morning. A couple of weeks ago, a mate stayed. He would have been happy with a blanket on the floor and a pillow, but being the ace host that I am he had a bed, food and my beer.

 

Today we have the missus friend coming for the weekend. A couple of times I have had to check that it isn't the Queen as everything is being cleaned top to bottom. I queried her about this and I got back "Have you seen her house? It's spotless. It's a competition. A matter of pride, ok? And clean this fucking cheese off the floor."

 

Fruit loop.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Don't let them out with your off spring either...

Amazing video of baby surviving being hit by train Video - Yahoo! News UK

 

Woah that turned my stomach. The woman's reaction when the train hit, screaming over and over again.

[Trumo]

I think our eldest has got the gene too - she thought Euthanasia was a country earlier today.

 

 

My friend's sister wanted to go travelling around the Far East during her gap year a few years ago. She thought they were a company who could organise it for her. Funnily enough, I can see where the daft bint might get that idea.

[Guest davelfc]

What about when you're sitting there and suddenly you hear "Oooooo" (because it usually begins that way) "I've just read my horoscope and it says....."

 

Now why they would take as gospel something written supposedly for the other 6 million people that share their star sign in the country I will never know. That the stuff is random and cut and pasted from old editions means nothing.

 

Worse still if there's another sign that has a better 'prediction' of their day they will claim that one and mumble something about being 'born on the cusp'

 

Now don't get me started on their gullibility for clairvoyants.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

What about when you're sitting there and suddenly you hear "Oooooo" (because it usually begins that way) "I've just read my horoscope and it says....."

 

Now why they would take as gospel something written supposedly for the other 6 million people that share their star sign in the country I will never know. That the stuff is random and cut and pasted from old editions means nothing.

 

Worse still if there's another sign that has a better 'prediction' of their day they will claim that one and mumble something about being 'born on the cusp'

 

Now don't get me started on their gullibility for clairvoyants.

 

I don't believe in all that horoscopes bull shit, but that's me, typical Pisces !

[Ezekiel 25:17]

A year or two ago my Aunties house was burgled, horrible it was, they took two cars, loads of stuff and her handbag with her purse in it containing money and all her cards. She's telling my sister just afetr it's happened and my sister says "god thats awful, can't believe they took everything, oh god, Marg I've just remembered, the Martn Mere 50% discount card was in your purse !!, you will have to phone up and cancel that aswell or they could go there and use it under your name !!!".

[Woo]

I don't believe in all that horoscopes bull shit, but that's me, typical Pisces !

 

Joke stealing motherfucker!

[Fowlers God]

On thursday last week I rolled my Bike out of the back door and noticed that i had a flat tyre. The Mrs was at the back door gand little on waving good bye. when I rolled the bike back into the house she stopped and said oh were you just joking about going to work? I said no dear i have a puncture. She then said What cant you ride to work on that? I walked off and hung my head in shame.

[chrisbonnie]

having grub with the missus last night, and she asks me "whats the opposite of blow??"

 

when the obvious reply from me was "suck!!!!"

 

she just says, "i really should have known that"

 

you think!!!

 

chartered accountant my arse :D

[William_Ulsterman]

Now don't get me started on their gullibility for clairvoyants.

 

now that is fucking frightening!. i wonder was he bet rigging as im sure he knew the scores :whistle:

[Liverpool lad]

What about when you're sitting there and suddenly you hear "Oooooo" (because it usually begins that way) "I've just read my horoscope and it says....."

 

Now why they would take as gospel something written supposedly for the other 6 million people that share their star sign in the country I will never know. That the stuff is random and cut and pasted from old editions means nothing.

 

Worse still if there's another sign that has a better 'prediction' of their day they will claim that one and mumble something about being 'born on the cusp'

 

Now don't get me started on their gullibility for clairvoyants.

 

Repped.

 

Horoscopes and furthermore con-artists making money off people's misery and mourning should be fucked right off. Anyone who hands over money to these epic cunts or believes that they really have these magic powers wants their head testing.

 

I have mentioned before that I went out with a girl who thought that somebody sitting in the Jolly Miller on a Tuesday night was speaking to dead people and fucking spirits. Or the most blatent piss take was a woman who got you to drink a cup of tea, and then she would tell you about your future by looking at the bottom of the cup after you had finished. To further compound things, these fucking con artists would take it upon themselves to cast doubt over me, or sing my praises without ever meeting me, no continuity with these tits. The most disturbing thing is that people believe this shit.

[Spy Bee]

I'd written a brief budget out for stuff in work (we work in healthcare repairs and rentals etc). My missus saw it and said

"Why the hell have you got tomatoes on the budget?"

"What?" I replied, completely bemused.

"Tomatoes!?" She demanded.

"I haven't got tomatoes on the fucking list!"

 

"Well what are sun dries then?"

 

"Sundries Sarah, fucking sundries!"

[Unrighteous]

I'd written a brief budget out for stuff in work (we work in healthcare repairs and rentals etc). My missus saw it and said

"Why the hell have you got tomatoes on the budget?"

"What?" I replied, completely bemused.

"Tomatoes!?" She demanded.

"I haven't got tomatoes on the fucking list!"

 

"Well what are sun dries then?"

 

"Sundries Sarah, fucking sundries!"

 

Hahahahaha!

[Faustus]

We were having our tea before and we got talking about age because it's my sister's birthday tomorrow. Anyway, my mum's 50 in a few years' time and my sister commented 'just think, mum, in a few years time you'll have reached half a decade.'

 

Mong.

[Dirk]

[stevebaby]

Dirty Girl= yes I would.

[Redder Lurtz]

Today in work, a woman talking to a male colleage of mine:

 

Her: "Did you see that David Attenborough programme? It was brilliant. I loved those Tazmanian Devils, I've never seen one of those."

 

Male colleague, slightly puzzled: "Tazmanian Devils? Are you sure we were watching the same programme?"

 

Her: "Yes, those Tazmanian Devil reptile things. They were great"

 

Male colleague: "Komodo Dragons?"

 

Her: "Yeah, that's them. Great weren't they"

[Duncan Clench]

Sunday; my mate's girlfriend looks out of the train window and says "Look at the size of the neck on that seagull!!".

 

It was a swan.

[Anubis]

having grub with the missus last night, and she asks me "whats the opposite of blow??"

 

when the obvious reply from me was "suck!!!!"

 

she just says, "i really should have known that"

 

you think!!!

 

chartered accountant my arse :D

 

Chris, can I have the name of your wife's accountancy firm so I can make sure I never use them. Ta.

[JagSquared]

my bird: whats that drink? You know? Its made from lemon, sugar and fizzy water?

Me: what lemonade?

Bird: oh yeah, thats it...

[Remmie]

What is it with women and their penchants for horrific music? I'm sure if it was plotted on a graph we could see a direct correlation between how bad the song is and how much she loves it. I was out last night and the women were going fucking nuts for shitty RnB. Look at them, they love it, the vacant thundercunts:

 

WARNING: This track is possibly the worst crime in the history of horendi music, viewers of a squeamish disposition may like to look away

 

[YOUTUBE]LnCGma13dN8[/YOUTUBE]

[Stu Monty]

Imagine if you had an axe at that video shoot; you'd not know where to swing first.