What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Shooter in the Motor 8,573]

2 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

I’d rather eat the delivery person than a breakfast delivered.

 

Unless you prove me wrong. 
 

I’m on tenterhooks here.

[DJLJ 562]

£15 for a breakfast? Fuck me.

[Bjornebye 33,849]

3 minutes ago, DJLJ said:

£15 for a breakfast? Fuck me.

Probably paid about 3 or 4 quid for delivery. Carv might have some competition here. Hurry up Fuge I've got work to do 

[Fugitive 2,869]

Cafe Mira… you utter bastards.

 

it arrived in white polystyrene box with a message on it. This instantly made me feel nervous as it seemed to be taking the piss.

 

I open the box and what greeted me will live with me for the rest of my life. I’m sorry for sharing the picture with you.

 

I plated it up to see if it made it look any better but I wish I’d never opened the bastard box and threw it in the bin after the initial ‘enjoy’ red light.

 

Toast - Toasted on one side… literally. The other side was bread. Packed in a paper bag with a little packet of butter and cut into triangles. What a cunt of a start.

 

Sausages - Drier than a nuns minge. Cheap fucking bastards which they decided to cut in half and cook again. Spatchcock Richmonds… I’m starting to get proper angry.

 

Square Sausage - Not that bad, cooked just right. Maybe this will calm me down slightly.

 

Mushrooms - quite nice

 

Black pudding - decent, I’m starting to calm down.

 

Bacon - Not fucking good, not fucking good at all. The bastards have cooked one side a bit and forgot to cook the other. Definitely from farmfoods and probably frozen. I’m fucking fuming again.

 

THE EGGS - You fucking cunts, why did you fucking do this to me? It is now clear that the message on the box was taking the piss. I’m not even sure they were eggs… or if this world. I’m away to burn the place down.

[Fugitive 2,869]

[Bjornebye 33,849]

No beans and bollocks rep 

[Fugitive 2,869]

Just noticed I was charged 10p for a bag. There was no fucking bag apart from the tiny white paper bag the toast was squashed into. It’s just one kick in the bollocks after another.

[Mike D 1,683]

Coke! To wash a breakfast down.

 

[JagSquared 1,862]

26 minutes ago, Mike D said:

Coke! To wash a breakfast down.

 

Even the Colombian kind wouldn’t even anyone enough pep to take that on enthusiastically.

[JagSquared 1,862]

In other sad news:

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-61558324

 

 

[Total Longo 3,658]

56 minutes ago, Fugitive said:

Cafe Mira… you utter bastards.

 

it arrived in white polystyrene box with a message on it. This instantly made me feel nervous as it seemed to be taking the piss.

 

I open the box and what greeted me will live with me for the rest of my life. I’m sorry for sharing the picture with you.

 

I plated it up to see if it made it look any better but I wish I’d never opened the bastard box and threw it in the bin after the initial ‘enjoy’ red light.

 

Toast - Toasted on one side… literally. The other side was bread. Packed in a paper bag with a little packet of butter and cut into triangles. What a cunt of a start.

 

Sausages - Drier than a nuns minge. Cheap fucking bastards which they decided to cut in half and cook again. Spatchcock Richmonds… I’m starting to get proper angry.

 

Square Sausage - Not that bad, cooked just right. Maybe this will calm me down slightly.

 

Mushrooms - quite nice

 

Black pudding - decent, I’m starting to calm down.

 

Bacon - Not fucking good, not fucking good at all. The bastards have cooked one side a bit and forgot to cook the other. Definitely from farmfoods and probably frozen. I’m fucking fuming again.

 

THE EGGS - You fucking cunts, why did you fucking do this to me? It is now clear that the message on the box was taking the piss. I’m not even sure they were eggs… or if this world. I’m away to burn the place down.

The cuddly triceratops has marginally reduced my anger. Emphasis on marginally, though.  

[Fugitive 2,869]

42 minutes ago, Mike D said:

Coke! To wash a breakfast down.

 

I know, I should have gone for the toilet duck after eating that fucking abortion.

[YorkshireRed 2,838]

57 minutes ago, Fugitive said:

Cafe Mira… you utter bastards.

 

it arrived in white polystyrene box with a message on it. This instantly made me feel nervous as it seemed to be taking the piss.

 

I open the box and what greeted me will live with me for the rest of my life. I’m sorry for sharing the picture with you.

 

I plated it up to see if it made it look any better but I wish I’d never opened the bastard box and threw it in the bin after the initial ‘enjoy’ red light.

 

Toast - Toasted on one side… literally. The other side was bread. Packed in a paper bag with a little packet of butter and cut into triangles. What a cunt of a start.

 

Sausages - Drier than a nuns minge. Cheap fucking bastards which they decided to cut in half and cook again. Spatchcock Richmonds… I’m starting to get proper angry.

 

Square Sausage - Not that bad, cooked just right. Maybe this will calm me down slightly.

 

Mushrooms - quite nice

 

Black pudding - decent, I’m starting to calm down.

 

Bacon - Not fucking good, not fucking good at all. The bastards have cooked one side a bit and forgot to cook the other. Definitely from farmfoods and probably frozen. I’m fucking fuming again.

 

THE EGGS - You fucking cunts, why did you fucking do this to me? It is now clear that the message on the box was taking the piss. I’m not even sure they were eggs… or if this world. I’m away to burn the place down.

Even the toy turquoise dinosaur can barely look at that nonsense. 
 

I’ve ordered myself a delivery driver and beans. If another delivery driver delivers him/her in a bag and tries to charge me 10p I’ll tell them to get fucked. Then tuck in. 

[DalyanPete 1,246]

1 hour ago, Fugitive said:

Cafe Mira… you utter bastards.

 

it arrived in white polystyrene box with a message on it. This instantly made me feel nervous as it seemed to be taking the piss.

 

I open the box and what greeted me will live with me for the rest of my life. I’m sorry for sharing the picture with you.

 

I plated it up to see if it made it look any better but I wish I’d never opened the bastard box and threw it in the bin after the initial ‘enjoy’ red light.

 

Toast - Toasted on one side… literally. The other side was bread. Packed in a paper bag with a little packet of butter and cut into triangles. What a cunt of a start.

 

Sausages - Drier than a nuns minge. Cheap fucking bastards which they decided to cut in half and cook again. Spatchcock Richmonds… I’m starting to get proper angry.

 

Square Sausage - Not that bad, cooked just right. Maybe this will calm me down slightly.

 

Mushrooms - quite nice

 

Black pudding - decent, I’m starting to calm down.

 

Bacon - Not fucking good, not fucking good at all. The bastards have cooked one side a bit and forgot to cook the other. Definitely from farmfoods and probably frozen. I’m fucking fuming again.

 

THE EGGS - You fucking cunts, why did you fucking do this to me? It is now clear that the message on the box was taking the piss. I’m not even sure they were eggs… or if this world. I’m away to burn the place down.

My God, how can a chef, even a shit one think its alright to serve that? Bacon on top right looks like a dead frog.

[Tony Moanero 17,282]

2 hours ago, Fugitive said:

 

 

 

The Triceratops has taken one look at that monstrosity and is glad he is a herbivore.

[Strontium 11,273]

On the plus side, Fugitive's camera is working.

[Mook 20,555]

I'm going to be completely honest here, apart from the bacon & fungus, I don't think it looks that bad.

 

Having said that, I would be expecting to pay about £4 for that standard of fry up, not over a fucking tenner.

[Carvalho Diablo 16,985]

3 hours ago, Fugitive said:

Cafe Mira… you utter bastards.

 

it arrived in white polystyrene box with a message on it. This instantly made me feel nervous as it seemed to be taking the piss.

 

I open the box and what greeted me will live with me for the rest of my life. I’m sorry for sharing the picture with you.

 

I plated it up to see if it made it look any better but I wish I’d never opened the bastard box and threw it in the bin after the initial ‘enjoy’ red light.

 

Toast - Toasted on one side… literally. The other side was bread. Packed in a paper bag with a little packet of butter and cut into triangles. What a cunt of a start.

 

Sausages - Drier than a nuns minge. Cheap fucking bastards which they decided to cut in half and cook again. Spatchcock Richmonds… I’m starting to get proper angry.

 

Square Sausage - Not that bad, cooked just right. Maybe this will calm me down slightly.

 

Mushrooms - quite nice

 

Black pudding - decent, I’m starting to calm down.

 

Bacon - Not fucking good, not fucking good at all. The bastards have cooked one side a bit and forgot to cook the other. Definitely from farmfoods and probably frozen. I’m fucking fuming again.

 

THE EGGS - You fucking cunts, why did you fucking do this to me? It is now clear that the message on the box was taking the piss. I’m not even sure they were eggs… or if this world. I’m away to burn the place down.

Faced with that abomination, I'd have chosen to scran the fluffy dinosaur.

[Elite 12,104]

1 hour ago, Tony Moanero said:

The Triceratops has taken one look at that monstrosity and is glad he is a herbivore.

Probably hoping for extinction.

[Shooter in the Motor 8,573]

4 hours ago, JagSquared said:

In other sad news:

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-61558324

 

 

Easily solved, take the fucking beans off.

[TheHowieLama 13,031]

The eggs look like they are made out of the same stuff as the box.

 

I think the bag fee was for the one you are going to throw up in - should be at the bottom of the breakfast.

 

A buck thirty for a can of Coke?

[easytoslip 1,201]

6 hours ago, Mike D said:

Coke! To wash a breakfast down.

 

Haha, grim. 

[an tha 8,471]

10 regional variations to try....

 

https://amp.theguardian.com/food/2022/may/25/the-great-british-breakfast-the-regional-treats-that-make-the-perfect-fry-up-from-laverbread-to-fruit-pudding

[Fugitive 2,869]

10 hours ago, Mook said:

I'm going to be completely honest here, apart from the bacon & fungus, I don't think it looks that bad.

 

Having said that, I would be expecting to pay about £4 for that standard of fry up, not over a fucking tenner.

It was awful. No doubt the cunts have poisoned people in the past by not cooking the sausages properly and now slice them in half and cook them again. The bacon was fucking horrific and the eggs were the worst things I’ve ever seen.

[Pidge 4,496]

Didn't know Carvalho delivered.