What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Bjornebye]

One of them sausages is definitely a freshly laid bum cable, and it's not even the worst thing on the plate. He's jizzed on the bacon and the egg looks like it's getting dragged into a ghost trap. 

 

You've ruined my fucking day anyway. 

[DalyanPete]

2 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Premier Inn East Thurrock. First Premier Inn I’ve stayed in since the pandemic struck.

 

pleasantly surprised overall. You sort of know what you’re going to get with a premier inn breakkie. Your egg is going to be over cooked by the hot lamp, and the bacon will have some inconsistency.

 

overall, black pud was above average, sausages were ace, tomato was nice, bacon was better than it looked, muzzies were nice, and the coffee was good.

 

I’ll settle for that.

I would suggest you didn't know what you were going to get.

Why did you choose asbestos roof tile instead of toast?

[Remmie]

Why do people just put up with bean juice touching their egg? Even if you are fucking depraved enough to like the compressed dogg eggs swimming in cunt plasma, surely you don't want that disgusting putrid sauce ruining the lovely eggy taste. 

 

This country. 

 

I'm off to do an angry strangled shit

[Pureblood]

1 hour ago, Remmie said:

Why do people just put up with bean juice touching their egg? Even if you are fucking depraved enough to like the compressed dogg eggs swimming in cunt plasma, surely you don't want that disgusting putrid sauce ruining the lovely eggy taste. 

 

This country. 

 

I'm off to do an angry strangled shit

Mucky heathens. I bet they're into watersports and scat. 

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Remmie said:

 

I'm off to do an angry strangled shit

As opposed to what?

 

 

 

 

 

@Mook you're exempt from this 

[easytoslip]

1 hour ago, Remmie said:

Why do people just put up with bean juice touching their egg? Even if you are fucking depraved enough to like the compressed dogg eggs swimming in cunt plasma, surely you don't want that disgusting putrid sauce ruining the lovely eggy taste. 

 

This country. 

 

I'm off to do an angry strangled shit

Whats this country got to do with it? 

Tinned tomatoes. 

[Total Longo]

On 03/03/2022 at 09:11, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Premier Inn East Thurrock. First Premier Inn I’ve stayed in since the pandemic struck.

 

pleasantly surprised overall. You sort of know what you’re going to get with a premier inn breakkie. Your egg is going to be over cooked by the hot lamp, and the bacon will have some inconsistency.

 

overall, black pud was above average, sausages were ace, tomato was nice, bacon was better than it looked, muzzies were nice, and the coffee was good.

 

I’ll settle for that.

Nice of the chef to bypass the urinals altogether and just go straight to your glass.

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Total Longo said:

Nice of the chef to bypass the urinals altogether and just go straight to your glass.

If he'd pissed in that glass it would be the best bit. 

 

 

[Total Longo]

I don't like the way the egg has a foot either. I'm getting annoyed by that breakfast now, which is weird because on the whole it looks alright.

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

On 25/02/2022 at 14:39, TheHowieLama said:

A sausage submarine emerges from a sea of beans. 

Quite difficult to Haiku that one, Howie

 

Sausage submarine

Emerges from a sea of

Unrestricted beans

[Bernard Diomede]

[YorkshireRed]

1 minute ago, Bernard Diomede said:

Thanks for posting this and momentarily distracting me from the shit show that is the world today. 
 

It reminds me of the incredible capacity for suffering we humans can endure. 
 

My main complaint is that this is actually not that bad. Luckily the hash browns save the day by resembling the after effects of usage of weapons of mass destruction. The tomato looks far too pleased with itself as well, tell it to fuck off from me. 
 

Everything else is ok. Chuck a barrel of beans over the top, undo the drawstrings on your pyjamas, tell the wife to put the kettle on (using your best Sid The Sexist voice) and tuck in.

 

7/10.

[tokyojoe]

25 minutes ago, Bernard Diomede said:

And the most important ingredient is: No fucking beans.

 

Not bad that mate.

[Elite]

Looks nice. I'd add beans though, then it'd be lovely.

[Pureblood]

It's a bean-free masterpiece. In future, restaurants and cafes everywhere will simply refer to the full English as "the Diomede".   With everything that's going on in the world, we've needed some good news. *sob*

[Mook]

52 minutes ago, Bernard Diomede said:

Was putting a deflated red balloon next to the fungus in the middle of the plate meant to be symbolic?

 

 

[YorkshireRed]

No way Putin has beans on his breakfast. This is a fact that can easily be verified by checking the Sainsburys home delivery order made by the Kremlin and by noting that the head honcho appears to be deranged. 
 

Never in the field of human conflict has a pro beaner ever invaded a neighbouring sovereign country. 

[Remmie]

1 hour ago, Bernard Diomede said:

The extra points for no beans are immediately removed for 3 fucking gash browns. Why has someone taken the skin off some rice pudding and lashed it on the egg yolk? 

 

What's with the knife and fork placement, the traditional placement is astride the plate. The pattern on the cutlery handles gives me aggressive syphilis. And what kind of utter cunt drinks water with his full English? 

 

I am instructed by my lawyer not to comment on the meat, the gash browns are cunts, the mushrooms, tomato and egg looks boss, no hot drink in view, nor keys and conker, a very generous 2/10

[Trumo]

1 hour ago, YorkshireRed said:

No way Putin has beans on his breakfast. This is a fact that can easily be verified by checking the Sainsburys home delivery order made by the Kremlin and by noting that the head honcho appears to be deranged. 
 

Never in the field of human conflict has a pro beaner ever invaded a neighbouring sovereign country. 

 

'Beanz Meanz Heinz' has a different meaning for Poles who survived the Nazi invasion.

[Elite]

Anti-bean nonces out in full force today. 

[Bjornebye]

5 hours ago, Bernard Diomede said:

Best brekkie of 2022 so far. Superb mate. A few little niggles here and there but whats important is that it looks edible and that's a rare thing. God bless you. You don't post enough. 

[Bjornebye]

2 hours ago, Elite said:

Anti-bean nonces out in full force today. 

Fuck off slag 

[Pureblood]

6 hours ago, Elite said:

Anti-bean nonces out in full force today. 

I'm pro-choice. 

 

The choice is don't bother in the first place or thrown them in the bin. 

[Mike D]

Were you suspended from the ceiling like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible when you took that photo?

[Captain Willard]

22 hours ago, Bernard Diomede said:

Looks proper. No beans, black pudding and 3 sausages. The placing of the culterly is a bit odd and the glass of water with a fry up screams serial killer but apart from that it’s all good. 8/10.