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What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

Beans with a full English?  

223 members have voted

  1. 1. Beans with a full English?

    • Aye, bean me up, Scotty.
      124
    • Nay, poke your beans up your bum, one at a time.
      72


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20 hours ago, ._. said:

 

A grim artist's representation of society, that. 

 

Let's begin with the plate - a foundation piece that dictates how the story usually plays out. In this instance, the artist has chosen to use a plate from the 1900's in which forces everythnig to be close together and places more emphasis on the decorative art, than it does the food. A poor start in many eyes. 

 

Next on the judgment table is the beans. I'm lover of beans but keeping them contained in a mug is both confusing and idiotic as it prevents the juices from mixing and adding flavour. If one wishes them to be contained, they should be placed in a jug of some sort. A mini jug if you're all about scale and social significance. 

 

There appears to be two sausages. One hidden under the egg. I have no problems with the amount, I'm just confused at why the egg is mounting one of them like some graphic porno. Perhaps the artist wanted to establish a sense of inequality here, or sexism. 

 

The bread is a fucking disgrace and represents how Tories have fucked up the country with irreversible damage. The artist chose well here. Not only is the butter half melted but the whole shape is wrong and offensive. 

 

The empty plate on the table represents poverty. A sad and honest account of where we are as a nation and society. Morally bankrupt, financially fucked and the bread Tories out in numbers fucking up the only good thing on the table, the eggs. 

 

Eggs are alright, broken and damaged. Like everyone's mental health and future. An insight into what the future holds for our children and future generations. 

 

An insightful piece, one that I'll score 6/10 for the effort but deducting 4 points for the grim and cold feeling it's left me with. 

The work of a  literary genius, brilliant and funny review.

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18 hours ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

People can criticise DalyanPete, but he had to smuggle the ingredients into the country. It's a commitment to cooked breakfastry that has rarely been seen in this thread.

Cheers Stronts, and it was a commitment.

The "stash" was 2kg of bacon. 1kg of sausage and 1kg of lurpack chilled with ice blocks. The struggle was telling my bird, don't buy any more jumpers, I allowed the coat as she wore that on the flight. The jumpers just took up the place of pork chops I wanted.

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18 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

Fair fucks. Top smuggling @DalyanPete. Unless you’re reading this in 25 years, having just been released from the jailhouse. In that case, that breakfast probably wasn’t worth it. 

I write this from a cell in Trabzonspar where my cell mate(a well toned, muscular guy) has a smile on his face. I must have been restless in the night as I have somehow kicked off my pants? I wonder what's for breakfast, hope it's beans.

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14 hours ago, Barrington Womble said:

Here I believe may be the worst post on here ever. This is the Royal Liverpool Hospital "All day breakfast". I'm not sure which words could make it seem better or worse. There is some kind of bacon hidden under the egg, which was like it had been boiled. The sausage looks like a chippy one, but unfortunately it's not that tasty as I think they've removed all the salt, which is the only flavour in those sausages. 

 

 

IMG_20220116_171402.jpg

 

 

Dear lord, forgive them for they know not what they do.

My thoughts are with you.

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10 minutes ago, DalyanPete said:

Dear lord, forgive them for they know not what they do.

My thoughts are with you.

Send a nurse over to Greggs mate and to check on the chef.

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9 minutes ago, DalyanPete said:

I think sadly, it's past that.

When my mrs was in the Royal we took stuff everyday even when she said she never wanted it. When she was in St Mary’s in Manchester for a week there was a M&S food hall right by it and the nurses went every day for her, she was lucky.

Remember my kids mum after having my lad was in the ward on the Friday night in Oxford St I was going out to ‘wet’ his head. I got an order from the 6 women in the ward, went the chippy that was by the Belmont and needed a box to carry the food. I got a cab and they were all starving, I paid for it and pissed off the Belvedere.

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17 minutes ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

When my mrs was in the Royal we took stuff everyday even when she said she never wanted it. When she was in St Mary’s in Manchester for a week there was a M&S food hall right by it and the nurses went every day for her, she was lucky.

Remember my kids mum after having my lad was in the ward on the Friday night in Oxford St I was going out to ‘wet’ his head. I got an order from the 6 women in the ward, went the chippy that was by the Belmont and needed a box to carry the food. I got a cab and they were all starving, I paid for it and pissed off the Belvedere.

A sad indictment of hospital food.

Big up you for feeding the unfortunate.

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6 minutes ago, DalyanPete said:

A sad indictment of hospital food.

Big up you for feeding the unfortunate.

We live near to the Royal by Grant Gardens so it isn’t far, she even had to suffer some of my cooking!

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O spent a long time in an old NSW public hospital back in the days when offal was considered a healthy diet. An endless stream of tripe in white sauce, fricasseed brain and heart. In those days food waste was taken for piggeries. There must have been some healthy pigs. Spent most my time chatting up nurses just to get them to bring a takeaway hamburger in.

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Back to the chintzy cafe to hide from the cleaner. Too early for breakfast so just a pot of tea. Nice pink tea pot today and a flowery bone China cup.
 

I’m a big fat bloke with a shaved head so by  a process of osmosis the very act of coming here makes me slightly more sensitive and rounded. 

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On 16/01/2022 at 17:37, Barrington Womble said:

Here I believe may be the worst post on here ever. This is the Royal Liverpool Hospital "All day breakfast". I'm not sure which words could make it seem better or worse. There is some kind of bacon hidden under the egg, which was like it had been boiled. The sausage looks like a chippy one, but unfortunately it's not that tasty as I think they've removed all the salt, which is the only flavour in those sausages. 

 

 

IMG_20220116_171402.jpg

 

 

 

The thing about this breakfast is that I can actually taste how shit it is without tasting the abomination. Would still eat it though. Did you ask for chips on the dish or did someone use the chip scoop and add cross-contamination to your breakfast?

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Went further afield today to a cafe that advertises itself on a board by the road for selling cooked breakfasts. Full of tradesmen which is normally a great sign but very disappointing, far too many beans, overcooked bacon, cheap mass market sausage and limp thin toast. Teach me to be unfaithful to my middle aged ladies and their chintzy cafe.  2/10. 

145E1A73-B066-4773-82D2-2C604FBC3FB1.jpeg

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9 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

Went further afield today to a cafe that advertises itself on a board by the road for selling cooked breakfasts. Full of tradesmen which is normally a great sign but very disappointing, far too many beans, overcooked bacon, cheap mass market sausage and limp thin toast. Teach me to be unfaithful to my middle aged ladies and their chintzy cafe.  2/10. 

145E1A73-B066-4773-82D2-2C604FBC3FB1.jpeg

Hahahaha you absolute bastard 

 

Grannies in heaven will be having a right chuckle as we speak 

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On 17/01/2022 at 10:24, Captain Willard said:

Back to the chintzy cafe to hide from the cleaner. Too early for breakfast so just a pot of tea. Nice pink tea pot today and a flowery bone China cup.
 

I’m a big fat bloke with a shaved head so by  a process of osmosis the very act of coming here makes me slightly more sensitive and rounded. 

These daily cooked breakfasts probably aren't helping here, Cap. 

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14 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

Went further afield today to a cafe that advertises itself on a board by the road for selling cooked breakfasts. Full of tradesmen which is normally a great sign but very disappointing, far too many beans, overcooked bacon, cheap mass market sausage and limp thin toast. Teach me to be unfaithful to my middle aged ladies and their chintzy cafe.  2/10. 

145E1A73-B066-4773-82D2-2C604FBC3FB1.jpeg

Was it dispensed from that vending machine adjacent to you?

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1 minute ago, dockers_strike said:

Just watching the Hairy Bikers, they've just done a 'full' English on a pizza? Seriously, what's the point of that? Id just want the full English on a plate!

Are they going back to being fat cunts?

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I took the kids to a pancake place last week and had a fry up on a pancake. It was surprisingly quite good.

 

Wouldn't want one on a pizza though.

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13 minutes ago, Mike D said:

Those eggs look like rubber, look like you could bounce them off the wall.

Everything about it was dreadful and cheap apart from the tea. They could have used it as a set for the cafe in 1984. The tea was nice. The waitress had terrible skin and seemed depressed. Wish I hadn’t gone now, a wasted lunch. 

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10 minutes ago, Total Longo said:

These daily cooked breakfasts probably aren't helping here, Cap. 

Yes, ha ha. I need to go back to the office. This solitary house arrest is killing me through both boredom and over eating. 

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7 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

Yes, ha ha. I need to go back to the office. This solitary house arrest is killing me through both boredom and over eating. 

Get that beautiful beagle of yours walked!

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