What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Fugitive]

On 29/12/2021 at 09:31, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Wasn’t sure if this should go in world of a woman or in here, but she assures me it’s breakfast.

 

My missus woke me up half an hour ago (I stayed up too late playing fifa after being annoyed watching the *ootball) with the words “I’ve made you a brilliant breakfast, my love”.

 

full disclosure, I only realised the eggy bread was charcoal underneath after tucking in so that’s not clear from the photo.

 

Bacon, black pudding, beans and eggy bread. Tasted better than it looked.

 

 

I’ve seen homeless orphans less miserable than that Holocaust on your plate. The tsunami of cunt beans bring back memories of 2004 but far far worse. I hope your 2022 is as shit as your breakfast.

[Tony Moanero]

[Spy Bee]

On 29/12/2021 at 09:31, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Wasn’t sure if this should go in world of a woman or in here, but she assures me it’s breakfast.

 

My missus woke me up half an hour ago (I stayed up too late playing fifa after being annoyed watching the *ootball) with the words “I’ve made you a brilliant breakfast, my love”.

 

full disclosure, I only realised the eggy bread was charcoal underneath after tucking in so that’s not clear from the photo.

 

Bacon, black pudding, beans and eggy bread. Tasted better than it looked.

 

 

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/apply-for-decree-nisi

[No2]

Final effort for 2021.

[PestiRed]

8 minutes ago, No2 said:

Final effort for 2021.

It’s been a shit year so might as well go out on a low

[TheHowieLama]

That bacon looks like a pair of leather sandals.

[cloggypop]

So that's what happened to Simon Weston's fingers

[Tony Moanero]

1 hour ago, No2 said:

Final effort for 2021.

Cunt candle holder. 

[Tony Moanero]

@No2 I’ve seen it all now. Mingebag cafes serving toast on the same plate as cooked breakfasts is one thing, choosing to do it yourself is quite another. Where is the black pudding?

[YorkshireRed]

2 hours ago, No2 said:

Final effort for 2021.

 

It’s not even that bad. It’s an average breakfast that knows it’s average but couldn’t care less. That’s the incredibly sad thing about it. It’s basically the majority of the British population pretending to be a fry up. 

 

Those sausages definitely voted Tory and the bacon is a staunch Brexiteer. The beans represent an ever decreasing red wall.
 

I was once told toast on the same plate as a fry up would never be tolerated. I was also told the Tory party would “never get in round here”. Both statements have proven to be incorrect. 

 

2021 can fuck right off and take this under achiever with it. 

[Trumo]

4 hours ago, No2 said:

Final effort for 2021.

 

Did you start cooking it in 2020?

[Mike D]

Tsunami of cunt beans! hahahaha.

[mattyq]

Christmas Eve in the office for a few hours and I offered to go down to the local greasy spoon to buy some breakfast for the girls.

I had the breakfast baguette which was good apart from the low quality sausage.

One went for a sausage sarnie with HP, one went for a bacon sarnie with ketchup... naturally I chastised her for her poor condiment choice and the saucy minx said that HP was an old man's choice

And the third one went for a mushroom sarnie which, frankly, sickened me and I like mushrooms... what must go through your mind to order such a thing from greasy spoon?

Sometimes I despair

[YorkshireRed]

1 hour ago, mattyq said:

Sometimes I despair

Not as much as I do at the lack of pictures accompanying this post.

 

That my first post of 2022 is a rebuke pleases me however so rep applied, where a neg was deserved.

[Fugitive]

13 hours ago, No2 said:

Final effort for 2021.

Did you get a 50% discount? The rest of your breakfast seems to have been missed off the plate. Looks like lifetime has cooked one side of your sausages and the egg. Simon Weston looks in a better state than then

[DalyanPete]

21 hours ago, No2 said:

Final effort for 2021.

And you think a strategically placed candle gets you off?

Burnt egg, no thanks.

Please remove bacon jizz before serving.

As a light snack, I would.

[Guest]

21 hours ago, No2 said:

Final effort for 2021.

Were the beans microwaved in a shoebox?

[Bob]

On 31/12/2021 at 12:46, No2 said:

Final effort for 2021.

I’d love to see a tomato and some mushrooms, but what’s there looks very good indeed.

[Mike D]

I’d sooner eat the candle. Whilst it’s lit.

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

New Year hangover remedy - fried bread under the abundant mushrooms (cooked 5 minutes to stop them getting mushy). Shame I left the bacon in too long, but otherwise quite nice. Black pudding was crispy on the outside and soft inside. If I hadn't farted around with that then the bacon might not have suffered.

 

Apologies in advance to Tony - as a fellow tomato afficionado - we only had those little salad tomatoes left, so they kind of disintegrated (but they at least had a relationship with a hot pan).

 

Anyway, let the blood-letting commence:

 

[Pureblood]

Congealed bacon cunt.

[Tony Moanero]

18 minutes ago, Jarvinja Ilnow said:

New Year hangover remedy - fried bread under the abundant mushrooms (cooked 5 minutes to stop them getting mushy). Shame I left the bacon in too long, but otherwise quite nice. Black pudding was crispy on the outside and soft inside. If I hadn't farted around with that then the bacon might not have suffered.

 

Apologies in advance to Tony - as a fellow tomato afficionado - we only had those little salad tomatoes left, so they kind of disintegrated (but they at least had a relationship with a hot pan).

 

Anyway, let the blood-letting commence:

 

Very difficult to criticise this, even the tomatoes look nice. I’d have liked a little bit more colour on the mushrooms. Is that toast or fried bread that you’ve served them on? Cunt mug shadow.

[Stouffer]

24 minutes ago, Jarvinja Ilnow said:

New Year hangover remedy - fried bread under the abundant mushrooms (cooked 5 minutes to stop them getting mushy). Shame I left the bacon in too long, but otherwise quite nice. Black pudding was crispy on the outside and soft inside. If I hadn't farted around with that then the bacon might not have suffered.

 

Apologies in advance to Tony - as a fellow tomato afficionado - we only had those little salad tomatoes left, so they kind of disintegrated (but they at least had a relationship with a hot pan).

 

Anyway, let the blood-letting commence:

 

That looks absolutely smashing but one of the egg yolks looks a little bit hard; therby rendering the whole thing inedible. 

 

Luvs.

 

Stouffer. X

[Evelyn Tentions]

22 minutes ago, Jarvinja Ilnow said:

New Year hangover remedy - fried bread under the abundant mushrooms (cooked 5 minutes to stop them getting mushy). Shame I left the bacon in too long, but otherwise quite nice. Black pudding was crispy on the outside and soft inside. If I hadn't farted around with that then the bacon might not have suffered.

 

Apologies in advance to Tony - as a fellow tomato afficionado - we only had those little salad tomatoes left, so they kind of disintegrated (but they at least had a relationship with a hot pan).

 

Anyway, let the blood-letting commence:

 

Eggs a little overdone for my taste but it's nice to see someone who likes lots of bacon. Credit also for the absence of beans and potato shite.

All served on a Moanero approved plain white plate .

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

4 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

Very difficult to criticise this, even the tomatoes look nice. I’d have liked a little bit more colour on the mushrooms. Is that toast or fried bread that you’ve served them on? Cunt mug shadow.

Yes, mushrooms tasted ok but definitely look bland. Served on the fried bread.

 

By way of apology, Tone, may I provide you with a picture of the coaster the cunt mug shadow was situated on, based on a great man's achievement in an unmentionable sport? Bonus points for anyone who can name the blurred, beardy bloke at the back of the train.