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What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

Beans with a full English?  

217 members have voted

  1. 1. Beans with a full English?

    • Aye, bean me up, Scotty.
      124
    • Nay, poke your beans up your bum, one at a time.
      71


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37 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:


Premier Inn breakfasts are generally sound. Bit like the hotels themselves. Not the greatest but at least you know what you’re getting and it’s always decent enough. 
 

Kids eat free too if an adult has paid a tenner for the brekky. All you can eat, etc. 

 

Are they fuck, the false advertising pricks.

 

I'll set the scene...

 

Bruce has agreed to go to a wedding of his wife's friends who he dislikes and it's in an out post of Scotland north of Edinbrough, literally the only thing for miles were toothless drunks, angry wankers and a castle that all the natives loathed as it brought the 'Posh Scottish' here, as I would later find out to my now fragile patience as I was trying to not get in to the fourth fight of the evening.

 

I digress.

 

The rest of the wedding party had these nice(ish) mini cottages, but apparently they didn't have enough for everyone, so my wife in her eternal niceness said 'We'll book elsewhere, don't worry', miles away and cost a fucking fortune in taxis. Anyhows it was a toss up between the Premier Inn, some other chain hotel and just giving up and offing ourselves, so we chose the Premier in on the proviso that it was an all you can eat breakfast...

 

Hungover and angry, as the wedding was a shitfest of bland smugness and the guest we're dickheads, I sit down waiting for my plate and the chance to bankrupt them.

 

'Hi, Sir. what can I get you today?'

 

'All of it, where's my plate?'

 

'No, it doesn't work like that, you tell me what you want?'

 

'*NONPLUSED*'

 

'So how many slices of bacon would you like?'

 

'I don't know, fourteen?'

 

'I can't give you fourteen, Sir,

 

'But, it's all you can eat, no?'

 

'Well yes, but there are limits'

 

'*NONPLUSSED*'

 

'Would you like four'?

 

'No, I want as much as I can eat, can I just have that please?'

 

'Yes, of course you can, but there are limits'

 

'I'm hungover and really fucking annoyed that I am here in the first place, what the fuck are you talking about. 'all you can eat, but limits' that makes no fucking sense. Can I just tell you want I want and you get it? Just send a manager over'

 

Hi, Sir'

 

Yes, I want fourteen slices of bacon, acouple of eggs, beans, hash browns, lots of toast, a vat of coffee and a sausage'

 

'I'm sorry Sir, we don' have any sauasages, they've all gone'

 

'It's 7:15am, how?'

 

'Some builders came in earlier and took advantage of the all you can eat'

 

'Fuck off'

 

Cunts.

 

 

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You just can’t legislate for some of the Scottish being cunts, Bruce. I’ve seen a picture of the Edinburgh TSOP gang and they looked like pure bastards, all of them. 
 

Premier Inns in London are safer than using little independent hotels in the same price range. Like I said, at least you know what you’re getting. 

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3 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

You just can’t legislate for the Scottish being cunts, Bruce. I’ve seen a picture of the Edinburgh TSOP gang and they looked like pure bastards, all of them. 
 

Premier Inns in London are safer than using little independent hotels in the same price range. Like I said, at least you know what you’re getting. 

 

You may be right, I've never used one in London for obvious reasons and I'm sure it wouldn't have been the Kafkaesque nightmare presided over by gapped toothed Iron Brew junkies that poor ole me had to endure in the outer reaches of the provinces.

 

Life's a learning curve an' all that.

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20 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

You just can’t legislate for some of the Scottish being cunts, Bruce. I’ve seen a picture of the Edinburgh TSOP gang and they looked like pure bastards, all of them. 
 

Premier Inns in London are safer than using little independent hotels in the same price range. Like I said, at least you know what you’re getting. 

I will fucking gut you.

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I went to a Premier Inn after a day at the Trent Bridge Test match this year and didn’t eat a single cooked item.

 

Just had some toast, coffee and a pastry.

 

Felt wrong, but I’d done the best part of a £15 mixed kebab four hours earlier and just couldn’t face it.

 

 

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2 hours ago, Mudface said:

I will fucking gut you.

Take a picture of his guts hanging out and it will still look more appetising than barringtons effort above 

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8 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Take a picture of his guts hanging out and it will still look more appetising than barringtons effort above 

We'll see.

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7 hours ago, Mudface said:

Heartbreaking to see some people's working conditions these days.

The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind: work from home (unless you are Carvalho Diablo).

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4 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:


I’m friends with Champ too, you know. She won’t let you hurt me. 

Don't you hide behind her skirts. You're fucking warned. Don't you ever go over my head again, you motherfucker.

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12 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:


Premier Inn breakfasts are generally sound. Bit like the hotels themselves. Not the greatest but at least you know what you’re getting and it’s always decent enough. 
 

Kids eat free too if an adult has paid a tenner for the brekky. All you can eat, etc. 

I have too much self loathing and regret linked to the cunts to not walk into a room and feel instantly miserable.

 

Im never skipping away from one with a smile on my face and a sparkle in my eye.

 

I fucking hate Premier Inns

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20 hours ago, TheBitch said:

I’ll start off with one from the canteen in the new office block at work. £3 for 7 items. 

F770C06B-1EB5-412D-A1DD-3ADB0500B6F3.jpeg

Did you say beans for 3 of the 7 items?

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19 hours ago, Karl_b said:

A Premier Inn breakfast but because they were quiet it was al cooked to order, so it was better than I was expecting.

 

There's nothing special here but I didn't pay for it, it was tasty enough and it filled a void.

 

6/10.

IMG_20211008_072557.jpg

For a 6/10 breakkie that looks great. You ate it so I’ll take your word for the score but on looks alone it feels 6 is harsh,

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13 hours ago, Barrington Womble said:

I had this this morning. Al's cafe on bermondsey street near London bridge. £9 for everything you see there. Badly cooked - I think Al has deep fat fried the sausages, which was a shame because they were actually decent quality. The egg was cooked like a 3 year old does them, no idea why there was only one. The black pudding was under cooked. The tea was fucking awful, about 50% milk. The toast could have done with more cooking. I posted one from a 5 min walk from this place on tower bridge road a few weeks back, that was miles better. I had an absolutely massive hangover, so any fry up would probably have made me feel better, yet I still can't give it more than 4/10 and it probably only ranks that high because 9 quid isn't that expensive for that area. 

 

 IMG_20211008_093009.jpg

 

 

I’m disappointed looking at it. I can feel how you would’ve felt on it arriving. 

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20 minutes ago, Evelyn Tentions said:

Half the country had never heard of the abominations that are hash browns 5 years ago. Now the horrors are de rigueur on every fucking breakfast

PREACH! 

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40 minutes ago, Evelyn Tentions said:

Half the country had never heard of the abominations that are hash browns 5 years ago. Now the horrors are de rigueur on every fucking breakfast

McDonalds have offered them as part of the breakfasts for years. Ronald McDonald and Hamburglar are to blame.

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42 minutes ago, Evelyn Tentions said:

Half the country had never heard of the abominations that are hash browns 5 years ago. Now the horrors are de rigueur on every fucking breakfast

Agree with all that apart from the timeframe. Hash browns are fucking shite. Like pesto - I thought that was great when I first had it, but that’s shite as well

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7 minutes ago, Shooter in the Motor said:

McDonalds have offered them as part of the breakfasts for years. Ronald McDonald and Hamburglar are to blame.

Not everyone considers MacDonalds haute cuisine. Or even edible.

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