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ISeeRed

What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

Beans with a full English?  

213 members have voted

  1. 1. Beans with a full English?

    • Aye, bean me up, Scotty.
      124
    • Nay, poke your beans up your bum, one at a time.
      70


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4 hours ago, an tha said:

This fella isn't the fastest but he eats insane amounts in his challenges.

 

 

No, don’t like him. He’s a whopper

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18 minutes ago, KMD7 said:

Anyone complaining about the lovely Miss Ovens being posted on here is getting negged (maybe)

 

 

No, not having it mate. She seems a decent girl and whatever, but it’s not all about the food, or being astonished. It’s tame. The background music, the pace, the anecdotal interaction and the “let me know, I’m your mate” vibe. 
 

She didn’t “physique check” herself like that other fucking jabroni an tha posted, which is a bonus, so she’s not a dick head, but will I look for her on YouTube? Not a chance.

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This used to be a really interesting thread, invoking a mixture of envy and revulsion. Now its just a load of egotistical twats polishing off enough food to eliminate starvation in a small African nation. If you must post these, start a separate thread.

I am seriously considering expanding Tentions Law to include any more of this boring ,off topic shit

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22 hours ago, Mudface said:

I think I prefer her to Leah Shutkever, although Leah does look like she'd be flithier-

 

 

I was watching her shovel that fish down, and all I could hear in my head was my mum’s voice saying “watch for bones!”

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My dedication and commitment to this thread knows no bounds - I feel culpable for derailing it, so have taken one for the collective and headed out with the family for one. Please see below - solid 8:

E25EC13F-932D-4B4E-A84C-049430E3D4B8.jpeg

  • Upvote 5
  • Downvote 1

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2 minutes ago, belarus said:

My dedication and commitment to this thread knows no bounds - I feel culpable for derailing it, so have taken one for the collective and headed out with the family for one. Please see below - solid 8:

E25EC13F-932D-4B4E-A84C-049430E3D4B8.jpeg

The coffee appears to have a fly in it. I suspect said fly committed suicide at the shortage of beans in what, otherwise, seems a decent offering. 
 

The lack of a plate costs you half a mark as I suspect this is some la di da middle class bollocks. 
 

Unless you ate the plate first before posting, in which case respect.

 

7.5/10

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24 minutes ago, belarus said:

My dedication and commitment to this thread knows no bounds - I feel culpable for derailing it, so have taken one for the collective and headed out with the family for one. Please see below - solid 8:

E25EC13F-932D-4B4E-A84C-049430E3D4B8.jpeg

With free added charcoal. The fly and the beans (yuk) appear to be the only things not overcooked/burnt

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27 minutes ago, belarus said:

My dedication and commitment to this thread knows no bounds - I feel culpable for derailing it, so have taken one for the collective and headed out with the family for one. Please see below - solid 8:

E25EC13F-932D-4B4E-A84C-049430E3D4B8.jpeg

Way too much bean juice, and I want to see a plate, even if limited to a disposable (but recyclable) one. Bacon looks like the fat needed a bit more cooking too.

 

remainder looks cracking. Good effort.

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27 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

The coffee appears to have a fly in it. I suspect said fly committed suicide at the shortage of beans in what, otherwise, seems a decent offering. 
 

The lack of a plate costs you half a mark as I suspect this is some la di da middle class bollocks. 
 

Unless you ate the plate first before posting, in which case respect.

 

7.5/10

It is a bit middle class there - farm yard with a converted outdoor area that does breakfasts and wood fired pizzas, which are average at best

9 minutes ago, Evelyn Tentions said:

With free added charcoal. The fly and the beans (yuk) appear to be the only things not overcooked/burnt

The bacon defo needed longer, as Bob mentions below. The fly is my tea bag which, bring a man’s man, I lashed back in to gain some added strength to my brew

7 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Way too much bean juice, and I want to see a plate, even if limited to a disposable (but recyclable) one. Bacon looks like the fat needed a bit more cooking too.

 

remainder looks cracking. Good effort.

Bean juice is the best part for me, mate - toast got dunked, sausage, black pudding, the lot.

 

100% on the bacon point. Could have taken it to a 9 if cooked the fatty bits well.

 

I like the way they must read this thread and hedged their bets on the toast - one under and one over cooked. I bet @lifetime fan is doffing his cap to that charcoaled piece as we speak

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52 minutes ago, belarus said:

My dedication and commitment to this thread knows no bounds - I feel culpable for derailing it, so have taken one for the collective and headed out with the family for one. Please see below - solid 8:

E25EC13F-932D-4B4E-A84C-049430E3D4B8.jpeg

Solidly burnt more like. Toast is burnt. The egg is burnt. The tomato is overly grilled. The hash brown is burnt (how the fuck do you burn a hash brown?). The bacon looks ok as do the mushrooms. And someone has put a cup of rat droppings in tomato sauce on the plate.

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1 minute ago, Tony Moanero said:

Cunt greaseproof paper.

Is fucking right, Tone. It ripped up as I was cutting into the food as well, so I ended up eating loads of it

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50 minutes ago, Anubis said:

Solidly burnt more like. Toast is burnt. The egg is burnt. The tomato is overly grilled. The hash brown is burnt (how the fuck do you burn a hash brown?). The bacon looks ok as do the mushrooms. And someone has put a cup of rat droppings in tomato sauce on the plate.

It must be cooked on one of those hot plate things, as it wasn’t burnt at all, but does look that way. Apart from the second piece of toast which I didn’t notice until eating it and had saved it for last

42 minutes ago, Pidge said:

How have they managed to undercook the bacon fat and burn everything else? 

It is impressive, I’ve got to say. Although it doesn’t look like it, the near piece of toast is almost raw, but they seem to have wiped some of the charcoal off the burnt piece onto it to mask the fact.

 

In light of my comments to recent feedback, re burnt toast and the paper lining, I wish to revise my score to a 7

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3 hours ago, belarus said:

My dedication and commitment to this thread knows no bounds - I feel culpable for derailing it, so have taken one for the collective and headed out with the family for one. Please see below - solid 8:

E25EC13F-932D-4B4E-A84C-049430E3D4B8.jpeg

 

That breakfast is fit enough for the Belarussian regime.

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On 31/07/2021 at 18:48, Carvalho Diablo said:

SHITHOUSE CUNT

Negged for not saying it with enough venom 

9 hours ago, belarus said:

My dedication and commitment to this thread knows no bounds - I feel culpable for derailing it, so have taken one for the collective and headed out with the family for one. Please see below - solid 8:

E25EC13F-932D-4B4E-A84C-049430E3D4B8.jpeg

I can't believe you threw your petrol bomb at your breakfast and not the cafe that served it. Impatience is cool but fuck me 

4 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Took the kids and Mrs Kurtz to Headingly to watch the cricket and stayed the night in the Malmaison. The ladies in the queue for the night club opposite the hotel are a sight to behold. Anyway, this was breakfast. Eggs and bacon a bit over cooked but not shabby. My boys more than made up for it by taking solid advantage of the free buffet. 

0E05AE58-5048-4595-8DBC-25FBC935F403.jpeg

I've just rang the Malmaison and Bob Geldof answered the phone. 

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8 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Took the kids and Mrs Kurtz to Headingly to watch the cricket and stayed the night in the Malmaison. The ladies in the queue for the night club opposite the hotel are a sight to behold. Anyway, this was breakfast. Eggs and bacon a bit over cooked but not shabby. My boys more than made up for it by taking solid advantage of the free buffet. 

0E05AE58-5048-4595-8DBC-25FBC935F403.jpeg

I like that. I shouldn’t, but I do. I’d have got that amount and gone back for seconds.

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Just now, Colonel Kurtz said:

Took the kids and Mrs Kurtz to Headingly to watch the cricket and stayed the night in the Malmaison. The ladies in the queue for the night club opposite the hotel are a sight to behold. Anyway, this was breakfast. Eggs and bacon a bit over cooked but not shabby. My boys more than made up for it by taking solid advantage of the free buffet. 

0E05AE58-5048-4595-8DBC-25FBC935F403.jpeg

You’ve been in Yorkshire! I’ll be scouring local news outlets in the coming days for news of any old ladies having disappeared. We’ve a low tolerance for serial killers in these parts since the Ripper debacle. 
 

I have had a few drinks in the hotel bar at that Malmaison in my time but never sampled the breakfast (same goes for the ladies in the club opposite).

 

Looks a paltry portion. You’re very close to the spot where the first ever moving pictures were filmed. It’s a good job they didn’t come across that breakfast on the big day. They’d probably have decided Leeds was not worthy of their intention to make history and gone to make their film in Manchester instead.

 

6/10.

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