What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

Bought a pound and half of bacon off the butcher from ‘boro on the way home last night, for about 4 quid.

 

Separated it out this morning to medallions, fat and streaky meat.

 

whacked the fat in the pand rendered it like a dodgy terrorist, before throwing in the streaky gear.

 

then lobbed in a couple of slices of haloumi for the missus, and knocked up some scrambled egg in a truffle butter.

 

mug of tea, brown sauce and bread for me (restricted potassium, sodium etc so bean free butties it is), green shite for the wife (low carb bollocks)

 

plus us a big bowl of purple porridge.

{apologies for the lack of conker}

[Numero Veinticinco]

Bacon butty looks good. 

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

7 minutes ago, Numero Veinticinco said:

Bacon butty looks good. 

Got walloped, Its hard to beat really.

[Jairzinho]

Flash git with your guide book for the Caribbean then.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

1 hour ago, Jairzinho said:

Flash git with your guide book for the Caribbean then.

Ah, it’s the wrong one, the missus was supposed to get one on Cuba, but some fucker had nicked it from the library. Caribbean one has a bit on Cuba though.

[Jairzinho]

I'd fucking love to go to Cuba before the place gets turned into an American colony.

 

Oh, and they look like decent bacon sandwiches. I miss them immensely. 

[Anny Road]

Cuba is ace. Havana is the best place I’ve ever been to. Big village. Lovely ladies.

[TheBitch]

Go...

[Elite]

1 minute ago, TheBitch said:

Go...

I'd eat the shit out of that. Needs some toast but otherwise good effort, bitch.

[TheBitch]

Just now, Elite said:

I'd eat the shit out of that. Needs some toast but otherwise good effort, bitch.

Two rounds on a side plate. 

[Elite]

Just now, TheBitch said:

Two rounds on a side plate. 

Pics or it didn't happen.

[TheBitch]

6 minutes ago, Elite said:

Pics or it didn't happen.

[Numero Veinticinco]

Not enough bacon. 7.8/10.

[Jairzinho]

31 minutes ago, TheBitch said:

Go...

A solid effort. Feels like there needs to be about 20/30% more food, but decent nevertheless.

[Chip Butty]

If you can't find your front door key, its under your plate.

 

 

Nice barriering of the bean.

 

 

 

7/10

[aRdja]

35 minutes ago, TheBitch said:

Go...

I know a picture paints a thousand words @TheBitch, but I do enjoy a bit of a spiel behind the final plate... 

[Tony Moanero]

 

44 minutes ago, TheBitch said:

Go...

Eggs, black pudding, sausages and bacon look nice, although I’d want another sausage and more bacon. Frozen hash browns are turd and beans are for bastards. No tomatoes or mushrooms. 5/10

[Numero Veinticinco]

I think we should start judging breakfasts on how well cooked they are, not whether or not we like tomatoes or beans or black pudding. All are clearly acceptable items on a breakfast, even if I wouldn't touch tomatoes on a breakfast. I wouldn't make it down though, they're valid items. 

[Paulie Dangerously]

48 minutes ago, TheBitch said:

Go...

Plate too small. 

Sausages irregularly sized

Eggs look like you've been blowing bubbles in them 

No toast, tea or mushrooms 

Would eat. 6/10

 

[Remmie]

Nice Vagina shaped eggs, my preference would be more runny. 

 

Interesting use of sausages as a breakwater for the beans suggesting an understanding that bean juice touching the eggs is deeply warped behaviour, loses more marks for a single key and no conker as well as hash fucking browns. It also looks like you haven't used your head and shoulders and moshed a load of dandruff all over the shop. Beans are twats. 

[TheHowieLama]

Well in Paulie

[SammyAftershave]

Since when did hash browns become a breakfast thing?

 

The twats!

[Barrington Womble]

4 hours ago, TheBitch said:

Go...

So where can we buy such a breakfast?

[TheHowieLama]

12 hours ago, Arthur Friedenreich said:

{apologies for the lack of conker}

 

 

 

Not a fan of dissectiing the bacon tbh -- it is a sum of its parts all working in complex unison to form the perfect food - dont mess with Mother Nature.

 

The breakfast itself has been overlooked here. As I am relatively secure in my manhood I am not appalled at a green thing being around, or even on my plate at breakfast.

 

Is that a Spring Mix or just baby spinach?? 

 

Avocado, quality, of course.

Now we have additional extra points for the halloumi. Honestly if you are going to truffle oil you could at least throw a spot of mushroom on here.

 

On the scrambled eggs -- they look nice. Except they are scrambled

The sarnie is immense -- I notice you have re assembled the bacon into its natural state.

 

All in all a solid effort -- 7.2/10

 

 

[Tony Moanero]

12 hours ago, Arthur Friedenreich said:

Bought a pound and half of bacon off the butcher from ‘boro on the way home last night, for about 4 quid.

 

Separated it out this morning to medallions, fat and streaky meat.

 

whacked the fat in the pand rendered it like a dodgy terrorist, before throwing in the streaky gear.

 

then lobbed in a couple of slices of haloumi for the missus, and knocked up some scrambled egg in a truffle butter.

 

mug of tea, brown sauce and bread for me (restricted potassium, sodium etc so bean free butties it is), green shite for the wife (low carb bollocks)

 

plus us a big bowl of purple porridge.

{apologies for the lack of conker}

Your food looks pretty good, with the exception of the scrambled eggs, which look a bit over cooked, in my opinion. However, I’ve negged you for the Mambo coasters and placemat. Awful clobber.