What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Bruce Spanner]

I proffer todays evidence in the ongoing case  of style over substance being a curse in the fry up classes, me learned friends, exhibit A for the prosecution…

 
£13.80 from ‘Toast’ in Maida Vale.

 

 

 

Just fuck off.

 

 

[Mook]

5 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

I proffer todays evidence in the ongoing case  of style over substance being a curse in the fry up classes, me learned friends, exhibit A for the prosecution…

 
£13.80 from ‘Toast’ in Maida Vale.

 

 

 

Just fuck off.

 

 

That would be acceptable for somewhere around £4.

 

Obviously you'd have to remove the fungus & the green stuff as well.

[Bjornebye]

34 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

I proffer todays evidence in the ongoing case  of style over substance being a curse in the fry up classes, me learned friends, exhibit A for the prosecution…

 
£13.80 from ‘Toast’ in Maida Vale.

 

 

 

Just fuck off.

 

 

The green stuff and the ramekin of satan droppings can fuck right off. Toast looks hard and shit, should be on a separate plate normal white bread swimming in butter and cut in rectangles. The beans in the middle of that plate just resembles mid 90's Paul Merson strolling down the beach in Barbados with a can of Skol in his hand and union jack shorts on.

 

I suppose the cost is par for the course in Maida Vale but Fearne Cotton and the lead singer of the Lost Prophets used to drink around there and we all know what he turned out to be. Enjoy prison you fucking trip hazard

[Pureblood]

Maida Vale? Made her puke, more like. 

[YorkshireRed]

2 hours ago, Bruce Spanner said:

I proffer todays evidence in the ongoing case  of style over substance being a curse in the fry up classes, me learned friends, exhibit A for the prosecution…

 
£13.80 from ‘Toast’ in Maida Vale.

 

 

 

Just fuck off.

 

 

Maida Vale. Made me wail. 

I can imagine the exchange in the kitchen as this was being served up;

 

”I’m not sure this breakfast will consolidate our reputation as pretentious arseholes”

 

”Just wang some cut grass all over it, that’ll do the trick. Oh and charge whoever’s ordered it an extortionate price for the privilege. The customers in these parts will lap up any old bollocks”

 

It’s a shame because, underneath the garden waste, it doesn’t look bad.

 

Breakfast with lawn cuttings, priced at £13.80 = 3/10.

 

Breakfast without lawn cuttings, priced at £4.90 including a pot of tea = 7/10

[Evelyn Tentions]

21 hours ago, Captain Willard said:

Everything popular is wrong. 

Having a majority doesn't mean it's right or best, eg Trump, Johnson, most of the Tory party.

[Mike D]

Opens thread.

 

[Pureblood]

[Captain Willard]

This is Breakfast C at the Oaks cafe. I may not eat again until Sunday. 

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Captain Willard said:

This is Breakfast C at the Oaks cafe. I may not eat again until Sunday. 

Does the 'C' stand for cunt? I hope a lion has escaped from the nearest zoo. 

[cloggypop]

Triangular twats

[YorkshireRed]

15 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

This is Breakfast C at the Oaks cafe. I may not eat again until Sunday. 

I thought you were an anti bean nonce!

 

The best thing about this is the shadow. I’d eat that, the rest of it can fuck off. 

[Captain Willard]

8 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

I thought you were an anti bean nonce!

 

The best thing about this is the shadow. I’d eat that, the rest of it can fuck off. 

They don't like variations from the menu so the beans are compulsory. I feel ashamed now. 

[Bjornebye]

2 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

They don't like variations from the menu so the beans are compulsory. I feel ashamed now. 

I'm reporting them. I bet you 'meeting the chef' is a freebie that comes with any kids meal. 

[TheHowieLama]

The eggs in both of these offerings are terrible.

First rule of eggs on a fry up - SPLASH THE FAT!!

[Pureblood]

1 hour ago, Captain Willard said:

This is Breakfast C at the Oaks cafe. I may not eat again until Sunday. 

This looks excellent, apart from the you-know-whats.  The eggs are like supermodels of the egg world.  I'd deduct two marks for the beans and another half mark for excess/unmelted butter on the toast.  7.5/10

[Tony Moanero]

5 hours ago, Captain Willard said:

This is Breakfast C at the Oaks cafe. I may not eat again until Sunday. 

The cooked breakfast equivalent of a kick in the bollocks.

[Karl_b]

So that's a good thing then, Tony?

[Tony Moanero]

3 hours ago, Karl_b said:

So that's a good thing then, Tony?

Beans are never a good thing, Karl.

[Simbo]

 

£11 at TruLeigh Scrumptious in Leigh-on-Sea, Essex.

 

Usually comes with grilled tomatoes and mushrooms but seeing as they are food of the devil I declined.

 

Do your worst, bitches.

[Pureblood]

When will there be a ramekin for the world

[Bjornebye]

6 minutes ago, Simbo said:

 

£11 at TruLeigh Scrumptious in Leigh-on-Sea, Essex.

 

Usually comes with grilled tomatoes and mushrooms but seeing as they are food of the devil I declined.

 

Do your worst, bitches.

 

 

[YorkshireRed]

10 minutes ago, Simbo said:

 

£11 at TruLeigh Scrumptious in Leigh-on-Sea, Essex.

 

Usually comes with grilled tomatoes and mushrooms but seeing as they are food of the devil I declined.

 

Do your worst, bitches.

Another breakfast using shrubbery to stick two fingers up at what was once a meal for the working man.

 

That plate doesn’t know if it’s Arthur or Martha. Whatever, it’s definitely a cunt. 
 

The ingredients for a normal person do look nice. I’m a fan of fried potatoes, better them than gash browns. Those beans need tipping over the potatoes and egg. If Swayze was still alive, there’s no way he’d be putting the beans in a corner. 
 

Who’s the bloke on the teapot? Looks like a Tory, possibly a descendant of Kurtz, almost certainly dislikes beans. 
 

6/10.

[Bjornebye]

3 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

Another breakfast using shrubbery to stick two fingers up at what was once a meal for the working man.

 

That plate doesn’t know if it’s Arthur or Martha. Whatever, it’s definitely a cunt. 
 

The ingredients for a normal person do look nice. I’m a fan of fried potatoes, better them than gash browns. Those beans need tipping over the potatoes and egg. If Swayze was still alive, there’s no way he’d be putting the beans in a corner. 
 

Who’s the bloke on the teapot? Looks like a Tory, possibly a descendant of Kurtz, almost certainly dislikes beans. 
 

6/10.

A shrubbery? Robin fucking Hood lives on them eggs and even his merry men, skint, exhausted, malnourished and scared of ghosts wouldn't call that a breakfast. Friar Tuck himself would launch that across the room and demand compensation. Simbo has somehow managed to post something more tory than Kurtz winning a raffle to take Boris Johnsons fucking dog for a walk at a tory party. 

 

 

 

 

Dave, it's over mate. Shut it down. 

 

 

 

 

[Bjornebye]

26 minutes ago, Simbo said:

 

£11 at TruLeigh Scrumptious in Leigh-on-Sea, Essex.

 

Usually comes with grilled tomatoes and mushrooms but seeing as they are food of the devil I declined.

 

Do your worst, bitches.

Negged you twat