What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[YorkshireRed]

11 minutes ago, JagSquared said:

Rise in central Bournemouth, it’s a gym with a cafe. Menu only listed scrabbled eggs which wouldn’t have been my preference. The mushrooms were undercooked I added a sausage (average) and they also added avocado meant for my missus on my plate so that got palmed off to her sharpish. Tomato - good, bacon - good (could have done with a tiny bit more colour), beans were “Smokey” but pretty nice. I’d have liked more toast. 
 

it’s expensive £13 with the extra sausage and no drinks. 6.5/10

 

 

That tomato looks like it’s about to rise up and swallow you whole. I bet it’s got mates as well. 
 

This trend on here for showcasing undercooked bacon can fuck right off. 

 

Smokey beans! Never heard of the cunts. 
 

Scrambled eggs aren’t my preference but the rest of this looks ok (not including the intruding avocado). 
 

7/10.

 

Going to a gym on a Sunday morning.

 

-7/10.

[Mudface]

17 minutes ago, JagSquared said:

Rise in central Bournemouth, it’s a gym with a cafe. Menu only listed scrabbled eggs which wouldn’t have been my preference. The mushrooms were undercooked I added a sausage (average) and they also added avocado meant for my missus on my plate so that got palmed off to her sharpish. Tomato - good, bacon - good (could have done with a tiny bit more colour), beans were “Smokey” but pretty nice. I’d have liked more toast. 
 

it’s expensive £13 with the extra sausage and no drinks. 6.5/10

 

 

Good to see sausages that actually look like they've been cooked rather than illuminated by a kid's torch for a few seconds.

[Remmie]

Scrambled eggs are probably my favourite format of egg, but I don't trust any establishment to make them properly so usually go for fried. I used to dislike poached as always found them too watery but it's now seemingly halted overnight and people don't seem to make them that way anymore so don't mind them. Omelettes are top notch. The simple boiled egg is a rare treat too. 

 

Scrambled

Omelette 

Fried

Boiled

Poached

[YorkshireRed]

12 minutes ago, Remmie said:

Scrambled eggs are probably my favourite format of egg, but I don't trust any establishment to make them properly so usually go for fried. I used to dislike poached as always found them too watery but it's now seemingly halted overnight and people don't seem to make them that way anymore so don't mind them. Omelettes are top notch. The simple boiled egg is a rare treat too. 

 

Scrambled

Omelette 

Fried

Boiled

Poached

I’m the opposite. 
 

Poached

Boiled

Fried

Omelette

Scrambled

[DalyanPete]

1 hour ago, JagSquared said:

Rise in central Bournemouth, it’s a gym with a cafe. Menu only listed scrabbled eggs which wouldn’t have been my preference. The mushrooms were undercooked I added a sausage (average) and they also added avocado meant for my missus on my plate so that got palmed off to her sharpish. Tomato - good, bacon - good (could have done with a tiny bit more colour), beans were “Smokey” but pretty nice. I’d have liked more toast. 
 

it’s expensive £13 with the extra sausage and no drinks. 6.5/10

 

 

Bacon jizz should always be removed before serving. Was chef too busy to butter the toast?

Sausages look nice.

Tomato, ooh look at me, I'm the star of the plate.

Fair score you gave it. Very expensive.

[Captain Willard]

Wheatsheaf hotel in south west london. Very hungover. The butter for the toast is on its way. No beans and extra black pudding. 

[YorkshireRed]

36 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

Wheatsheaf hotel in south west london. Very hungover. The butter for the toast is on its way. No beans and extra black pudding. 

Triangular chopped toast is for serial killing, accountants…….crack on.

 

That egg looks like it was cooked in a Little Chef. Don’t forget to ask for a lollipop when you clean your plate.

 

Bacon looks ok ish. 
 

Everything else a shambles, including the cup of hot mud you appear to be drinking.

 

5/10.

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

2 hours ago, Captain Willard said:

Wheatsheaf hotel in south west london. Very hungover. The butter for the toast is on its way. No beans and extra black pudding. 

Is that the pub opposite Tooting Bec tube? We've eaten there in the evening but have never been there for breakfast. The evening food is actually pretty good, so it's a shame what they served you there.

 

It's amazing how everything on the plate seems to be in the process of degradation, yet the black pudding and egg appear to have a structural integrity that would withstand a good smacking from a hammer. I'm an advocate of properly cooked tomato but I think they've got close to giving it the Lifey treatment. It looks like it needs rehydrating, or 60cc's stat of HP sauce to revive it.

 

The cup of mud looks like it would actually taste of coffee, so not all bad.

 

Was it nicer than it looked, Capt?

 

* Just remembered - if that is the pub near Tooting/ Balham, they had an 18 year-old bottle of Dalmore there a few years ago. I ordered a glass and the bottle came off the shelf covered in dust. No surprise given how much it cost. Absolutely delicious. If it's not that pub, forget I wrote this as it's now irrelevant.

[Bjornebye]

5 hours ago, JagSquared said:

Rise in central Bournemouth, it’s a gym with a cafe. Menu only listed scrabbled eggs which wouldn’t have been my preference. The mushrooms were undercooked I added a sausage (average) and they also added avocado meant for my missus on my plate so that got palmed off to her sharpish. Tomato - good, bacon - good (could have done with a tiny bit more colour), beans were “Smokey” but pretty nice. I’d have liked more toast. 
 

it’s expensive £13 with the extra sausage and no drinks. 6.5/10

 

 

The scrambled egg looks fit, the avocado can get to fuck, the cheeky cunts with the butter I bet it's cold from the fridge and all the facist twats, do you want some tomato with your brekkie? Them sausages looks gorgeous, the mushrooms look raw, so does the jizz bacon and you've gone for the jimmy saville look with them poisonous fucking things in that shitty see through ramekin. Is someone having a bloody mary there though? I need one right now. 1/10 you've been humiliated oh and "I go the gym in jeans" fuck you mate x 

3 hours ago, Captain Willard said:

Wheatsheaf hotel in south west london. Very hungover. The butter for the toast is on its way. No beans and extra black pudding. 

Apart from the fact the toast is unbuttered and sliced for the nonce wing that looks bloody lovely. Add another sausage (actually that sausage looks shit) and that would be a solid 7. Tonys gonna flip at the plate until he sees inspector gadget in your coffee. 

 

 

Coffee = tory twat 

[JagSquared]

21 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

The scrambled egg looks fit, the avocado can get to fuck, the cheeky cunts with the butter I bet it's cold from the fridge and all the facist twats, do you want some tomato with your brekkie? Them sausages looks gorgeous, the mushrooms look raw, so does the jizz bacon and you've gone for the jimmy saville look with them poisonous fucking things in that shitty see through ramekin. Is someone having a bloody mary there though? I need one right now. 1/10 you've been humiliated oh and "I go the gym in jeans" fuck you mate x 

 

I wouldn’t be caught dead working out in jeans mate. I take my fitness apparel guidance from The Dancing Destroyer, The King of Sting, The Count of Monte Fisto, The Prince of Punch, The Master of Disaster, The One and Only….

 

 

[Bjornebye]

3 minutes ago, JagSquared said:

I wouldn’t be caught dead working out in jeans mate. I take my fitness apparel guidance from The Dancing Destroyer, The King of Sting, The Count of Monte Fisto, The Prince of Punch, The Master of Disaster, The One and Only….

 

 

There is no tomorrow! THERE IS NO TOMORROW! THERE IS NO TOMORROW!

[TheHowieLama]

4 hours ago, Captain Willard said:

Wheatsheaf hotel in south west london. Very hungover. The butter for the toast is on its way. No beans and extra black pudding. 

I need a glass of water just looking at this.

That sausage - good lord. Someone took a bite of the hash brown before serving.

[Captain Willard]

2 hours ago, Jarvinja Ilnow said:

Is that the pub opposite Tooting Bec tube? We've eaten there in the evening but have never been there for breakfast. The evening food is actually pretty good, so it's a shame what they served you there.

 

It's amazing how everything on the plate seems to be in the process of degradation, yet the black pudding and egg appear to have a structural integrity that would withstand a good smacking from a hammer. I'm an advocate of properly cooked tomato but I think they've got close to giving it the Lifey treatment. It looks like it needs rehydrating, or 60cc's stat of HP sauce to revive it.

 

The cup of mud looks like it would actually taste of coffee, so not all bad.

 

Was it nicer than it looked, Capt?

 

* Just remembered - if that is the pub near Tooting/ Balham, they had an 18 year-old bottle of Dalmore there a few years ago. I ordered a glass and the bottle came off the shelf covered in dust. No surprise given how much it cost. Absolutely delicious. If it's not that pub, forget I wrote this as it's now irrelevant.

No it’s not that pub though I know every one you mean. 

[Captain Willard]

4 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

Triangular chopped toast is for serial killing, accountants…….crack on.

 

That egg looks like it was cooked in a Little Chef. Don’t forget to ask for a lollipop when you clean your plate.

 

Bacon looks ok ish. 
 

Everything else a shambles, including the cup of hot mud you appear to be drinking.

 

5/10.

5 seems a bit harsh considering some of the horror shows I’ve seen on here. Maybe you’re hallucinating with the Covid. 

[YorkshireRed]

Just now, Captain Willard said:

5 seems a bit harsh considering some of the horror shows I’ve seen on here. Maybe you’re hallucinating with the Covid. 

I gave it 5!

 

It’s true what they say about Covid and brain fog.

 

4/10.

 

Plus, an additional point off for trying to get your score reassessed. This reminded me of a friend who, at school, always felt the need to argue the toss with the teacher over his score in the weekly spelling test. He went on to achieve great things which annoys me. 

 

3/10.

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

3 hours ago, Captain Willard said:

No it’s not that pub though I know every one you mean. 

Ok. Where is this one then?

[Captain Willard]

4 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

I gave it 5!

 

It’s true what they say about Covid and brain fog.

 

4/10.

 

Plus, an additional point off for trying to get your score reassessed. This reminded me of a friend who, at school, always felt the need to argue the toss with the teacher over his score in the weekly spelling test. He went on to achieve great things which annoys me. 

 

3/10.

Nothing more galling than the success of school friends. I went to school with a guy who is now the part owner and chairman of a premier league club. Pisses me off every time they win. 

[Simbo]

10 hours ago, Captain Willard said:

Wheatsheaf hotel in south west london. Very hungover. The butter for the toast is on its way. No beans and extra black pudding. 

Too dry. 
 

Could do with some beans.

[Geoff Woade]

55 minutes ago, Simbo said:

Too dry. 
 

Could do with some beans.

Literally about to say that. Like eating a packet of Ritz crackers

[Total Longo]

23 hours ago, JagSquared said:

Rise in central Bournemouth, it’s a gym with a cafe. Menu only listed scrabbled eggs which wouldn’t have been my preference. The mushrooms were raw I added a sausage (average) and they also added avocado meant for my missus on my plate so that got palmed off to her sharpish. Tomato - good, bacon - good (could have done with a tiny bit more colour), beans were “Smokey” but pretty nice. I’d have liked more toast. 
 

it’s expensive £13 with the extra sausage and no drinks. 6.5/10

Fixed that for you. 

[Ezekiel 25:17]

On 21/11/2021 at 10:18, Captain Willard said:

Wheatsheaf hotel in south west london. Very hungover. The butter for the toast is on its way. No beans and extra black pudding. 

7/10, extra mark for Harry Maguire in the coffee.

[Strontium]

It's definitely a witch's face in the coffee. Can even see the pointy chin and the brim of her hat.

 

More impressive than shamrocks in Guinness foam.

[Pureblood]

It's Chakan in the coffee.

 

[Total Longo]

I've never seen a more overcooked sausage, it contrasts so brilliantly with the raw mushrooms. 

[Bjornebye]

So we've had Inspector Gadget, Harry Maguire, a witch and Chakan.