What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

2 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Can't believe no-one has mentioned the pitiful portion of brown sauce. I assume its Daddies or some other shite because otherwise they'd have the HP on show. 

It's not that tricky. Neither belong. 

The plate gives me anxiety. It's more like a trough that only an absolute fucking pig would eat out of 

Daddies? Oh to be so lucky. 

[JagSquared]

5 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

There’s a semi famous motel/diner near me. It’s called The Redbeck and features in one of the Red Riding Trilogy novels by David Peace.
 

More locally, it was famous for serving chips with their breakfasts. We always used to go there before any kind of ‘lads trip’. Set us up nicely for whatever was to come. 
 

Looks like somewhere Alan Partridge would take his own plate to.

[General Dryness]

On 03/09/2021 at 03:57, stringvest said:

On weekday mornings my darling wife sorts me out with two poached eggs with chives atop some rostis surrounded by pancetta.  Occasionally she goes mad and scrambles the eggs.

 

14 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

Well in mate. 

I'm not sure why Stringy is referring to Meals on Wheels as "my darling wife".

 

Man's old etc.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Get your negs warmed up lads. Today or tomorrow I'm making a home made veganish breakfast 

[Bjornebye]

9 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Get your negs warmed up lads. Today or tomorrow I'm making a home made veganish breakfast 

What’s a ‘veganish’ breakfast ?! 

[Paulie Dangerously]

50 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

What’s a ‘veganish’ breakfast ?! 

Its going to be vegan bacon , vegan sausages, tofu scramble, avocado, beans, and toast with butter (hence not fully vegan)

[YorkshireRed]

Just now, Paulie Dangerously said:

Its going to be vegan bacon , vegan sausages, tofu scramble, avocado, beans, and toast with butter (hence not fully vegan)

Take this to the mentally deranged thread. 

[Remmie]

I've seen chips as an option on an English breakfast in a number of establishments. It's the next pretender, like gash browns and beans before them, to sneak their way onto a standard English breakfast. 

 

I've just had a thought that's ruined my day; some cunt somewhere will be applying Mayonnaise to their fucking breakfast. None of this shit would have happened if the Krays were still about, etc. 

[Curly]

22 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Its going to be vegan bacon , vegan sausages, tofu scramble, avocado, beans, and toast with butter (hence not fully vegan)

 

[Paulie Dangerously]

Here she is lads. 

5 rashers of Its Not Bacon - Best replacement I've found so far, done on griddle pan

2.5 Taste & Glory sausages - texture spot on but a bit lacking in flavour. Perfectly fine with ketchup

125g of tofu scramble - OK, it didn't taste like egg but the texture and taste were not unpleasant. Went well on the Toast. Would use more oil next time. 

Smmmmashed avo - yeah I went there.

Toast with real butter - that and cheese are not negotiable for me at the minute. 

 

Didn't go for beans in the end as there was plenty on the plate. 

 

Haters gonna hate but it was delicious and in line with me trying to limit the animal products I consume and buy. 

 

Neg away.

[Barrington Womble]

5 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Here she is lads. 

5 rashers of Its Not Bacon - Best replacement I've found so far, done on griddle pan

2.5 Taste & Glory sausages - texture spot on but a bit lacking in flavour. Perfectly fine with ketchup

125g of tofu scramble - OK, it didn't taste like egg but the texture and taste were not unpleasant. Went well on the Toast. Would use more oil next time. 

Smmmmashed avo - yeah I went there.

Toast with real butter - that and cheese are not negotiable for me at the minute. 

 

Didn't go for beans in the end as there was plenty on the plate. 

 

Haters gonna hate but it was delicious and in line with me trying to limit the animal products I consume and buy. 

 

Neg away.

I don't even know where to start. Non if it looks like real food. It's like one of those plastic food things kids have. The toast look ok. 

 

 

[Mudface]

I just threw up a little in my mouth, as I shed a single tear.

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

13 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Here she is lads. 

5 rashers of Its Not Bacon - Best replacement I've found so far, done on griddle pan

2.5 Taste & Glory sausages - texture spot on but a bit lacking in flavour. Perfectly fine with ketchup

125g of tofu scramble - OK, it didn't taste like egg but the texture and taste were not unpleasant. Went well on the Toast. Would use more oil next time. 

Smmmmashed avo - yeah I went there.

Toast with real butter - that and cheese are not negotiable for me at the minute. 

 

Didn't go for beans in the end as there was plenty on the plate. 

 

Haters gonna hate but it was delicious and in line with me trying to limit the animal products I consume and buy. 

 

Neg away.

Mrs Beeton is turning in her grave.

[Bruce Spanner]

I'd just close the internet down and lose all of the benifits it brings humanity so nobody, nobody, not a single soul, has to see anything like that ever again.

 

Disgrace.

 

 

[Vincent Vega]

31 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Here she is lads. 

5 rashers of Its Not Bacon - Best replacement I've found so far, done on griddle pan

2.5 Taste & Glory sausages - texture spot on but a bit lacking in flavour. Perfectly fine with ketchup

125g of tofu scramble - OK, it didn't taste like egg but the texture and taste were not unpleasant. Went well on the Toast. Would use more oil next time. 

Smmmmashed avo - yeah I went there.

Toast with real butter - that and cheese are not negotiable for me at the minute. 

 

Didn't go for beans in the end as there was plenty on the plate. 

 

Haters gonna hate but it was delicious and in line with me trying to limit the animal products I consume and buy. 

 

Neg away.

 

[YorkshireRed]

29 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Here she is lads. 

5 rashers of Its Not Bacon - Best replacement I've found so far, done on griddle pan

2.5 Taste & Glory sausages - texture spot on but a bit lacking in flavour. Perfectly fine with ketchup

125g of tofu scramble - OK, it didn't taste like egg but the texture and taste were not unpleasant. Went well on the Toast. Would use more oil next time. 

Smmmmashed avo - yeah I went there.

Toast with real butter - that and cheese are not negotiable for me at the minute. 

 

Didn't go for beans in the end as there was plenty on the plate. 

 

Haters gonna hate but it was delicious and in line with me trying to limit the animal products I consume and buy. 

 

Neg away.

I do have to give credit to you for your appetite for animal welfare and all round social responsibility. 
 

That said appetite extends to eating this plate of nonsense does seem to be a step too far though. 
 

It’s difficult to assess as a breakfast as only the toast looks like actual food. Some of those atrocious boxes we’ve seen of late probably have more flavour than the rest of it.
 

Hopefully you’ve learned a valuable lesson.

 

1/10. 

[Tony Moanero]

1 hour ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Here she is lads. 

5 rashers of Its Not Bacon - Best replacement I've found so far, done on griddle pan

2.5 Taste & Glory sausages - texture spot on but a bit lacking in flavour. Perfectly fine with ketchup

125g of tofu scramble - OK, it didn't taste like egg but the texture and taste were not unpleasant. Went well on the Toast. Would use more oil next time. 

Smmmmashed avo - yeah I went there.

Toast with real butter - that and cheese are not negotiable for me at the minute. 

 

Didn't go for beans in the end as there was plenty on the plate. 

 

Haters gonna hate but it was delicious and in line with me trying to limit the animal products I consume and buy. 

 

Neg away.

I reckon this is the first time that I’ve not liked the look of a meal you have posted, Paulie. I appreicate you are trying to limit the amount of animal produce that you consume, and I’m all for vegetarian food, but Tofu scrambled egg is a step too far for me. It looks vile, I’d sooner have a bowl of dry Weetabix.

[Jairzinho]

2 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

 

[Chip Butty]

At least cut the fucking toast. 

 

 

 

[Clem H Fandango]

Why vegan eggs?

 

Chickens will lay them regardless in numerous quantities. If we don't eat them the earth would be just one massive omelette. 

[Remmie]

3 minutes ago, Clem H Fandango said:

Why vegan eggs?

 

Chickens will lay them regardless in numerous quantities. If we don't eat them the earth would be just one massive omelette. 

I for one want to live on this giant omelette. 

[Chip Butty]

5 minutes ago, Remmie said:

I for one want to live on this giant omelette. 

[Captain Turdseye]

Next time I eat bacon and sausages I’m going to have double portions and one more extra rasher for good measure, just to right the wrong that Paulie has produced there. And he’s got nobody to blame but himself. He’s directly responsible for the environmental impact. 

[Mudface]

6 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Next time I eat bacon and sausages I’m going to have double portions and one more extra rasher for good measure, just to right the wrong that Paulie has produced there. And he’s got nobody to blame but himself. He’s directly responsible for the environmental impact. 

I'm just back from slaughtering every animal I could find in a half mile radius to try and cleanse my brain of the horror and restore some balance to the universe.

[General Dryness]

24 minutes ago, Remmie said:

I for one want to live on this giant omelette. 

I bet you wanted to slide down the butter mountain into the wine lake when the EU had such things.