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What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?


ISeeRed
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Beans with a full English?  

229 members have voted

  1. 1. Beans with a full English?

    • Aye, bean me up, Scotty.
      124
    • Nay, poke your beans up your bum, one at a time.
      73


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4 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I’m meant to be on a diet so I nipped out for breakfast twice this week while nobody was looking. I was feeling pretty fucking down about them until I opened the thread and saw this post…

 

 

Anyway, said sorry excuses for ‘breakfasts’

 

Breakfast #1. Swapped out the hash browns for an extra sausage. They were cheap, shitty, chippy sausages.  I’m as pro-bean as could possibly be but even I turned my nose up at these. They’d been poured straight from the tin i to the plate. Same for the tomatoes. The mushrooms were OK and the bacon was smoked. They were the only positives. Even the fried bread was shite. 
 

3239CB09-5A18-4B79-8F38-CF56DE9D6D09.jpeg
 

 

Breakfast #2. Exact same review as the first one but I forgot to change the hash brows because I was gleefully texting people after  seeing the dickhead who laid my flooring sat in there with his arm in a cast and a sling. Try tattooing people “on the side” with one arm, you fucking gobshite. Nice when karma throws a bit of shit on people like that. 

 

93DF80E5-53CC-486D-A6A9-4E6A890EC348.jpeg

As someone without high full English breakfast standards, they both look absolutely shite.

 

Stick to the diet mate, as starvation looks preferable to those efforts.

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3 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I’m meant to be on a diet so I nipped out for breakfast twice this week while nobody was looking. I was feeling pretty fucking down about them until I opened the thread and saw this post…

 

 

Anyway, said sorry excuses for ‘breakfasts’

 

Breakfast #1. Swapped out the hash browns for an extra sausage. They were cheap, shitty, chippy sausages.  I’m as pro-bean as could possibly be but even I turned my nose up at these. They’d been poured straight from the tin i to the plate. Same for the tomatoes. The mushrooms were OK and the bacon was smoked. They were the only positives. Even the fried bread was shite. 
 

Breakfast #2. Exact same review as the first one but I forgot to change the hash brows because I was gleefully texting people after  seeing the dickhead who laid my flooring sat in there with his arm in a cast and a sling. Try tattooing people “on the side” with one arm, you fucking gobshite. Nice when karma throws a bit of shit on people like that. 

3239CB09-5A18-4B79-8F38-CF56DE9D6D09.jpeg

93DF80E5-53CC-486D-A6A9-4E6A890EC348.jpeg

The shape of that plate on the second breakfast makes me feel queasy. I suspect eating that breakfast would make me projectile vomit. 
 

Although, for balance….no, I’ve got nothing. Karma didn’t needed to “throw shit” at your tradesman. The breakfast would have been fine wrapped around his unskilled/unreliable noggin. 

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51 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I’m meant to be on a diet so I nipped out for breakfast twice this week while nobody was looking. I was feeling pretty fucking down about them until I opened the thread and saw this post…

 

 

Anyway, said sorry excuses for ‘breakfasts’

 

Breakfast #1. Swapped out the hash browns for an extra sausage. They were cheap, shitty, chippy sausages.  I’m as pro-bean as could possibly be but even I turned my nose up at these. They’d been poured straight from the tin onto the plate. Same for the tomatoes. The mushrooms were OK and the bacon was smoked. They were the only positives. Even the fried bread was shite. 
 

3239CB09-5A18-4B79-8F38-CF56DE9D6D09.jpeg
 

 

Breakfast #2. Exact same review as the first one but I forgot to change the hash brows because I was gleefully texting people after seeing the dickhead who laid my flooring sat in there with his arm in a cast and a sling. Try tattooing people “on the side” with one arm, you fucking gobshite. Nice when karma throws a bit of shit on people like that. 

 

93DF80E5-53CC-486D-A6A9-4E6A890EC348.jpeg

60-01043.jpg

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1 hour ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I’m meant to be on a diet so I nipped out for breakfast twice this week while nobody was looking. I was feeling pretty fucking down about them until I opened the thread and saw this post…

 

 

Anyway, said sorry excuses for ‘breakfasts’

 

Breakfast #1. Swapped out the hash browns for an extra sausage. They were cheap, shitty, chippy sausages.  I’m as pro-bean as could possibly be but even I turned my nose up at these. They’d been poured straight from the tin onto the plate. Same for the tomatoes. The mushrooms were OK and the bacon was smoked. They were the only positives. Even the fried bread was shite. 
 

3239CB09-5A18-4B79-8F38-CF56DE9D6D09.jpeg
 

 

Breakfast #2. Exact same review as the first one but I forgot to change the hash brows because I was gleefully texting people after seeing the dickhead who laid my flooring sat in there with his arm in a cast and a sling. Try tattooing people “on the side” with one arm, you fucking gobshite. Nice when karma throws a bit of shit on people like that. 

 

93DF80E5-53CC-486D-A6A9-4E6A890EC348.jpeg

If you swap the eggs on the first breakfast with the eggs on the second, then mixed the beans together, maybe have both bits of toast as well as the fried bread, then pour it onto one bigger plate and just lash it all at the wall.

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On 21/06/2021 at 03:48, belarus said:

If you swap the eggs on the first breakfast with the eggs on the second, then mixed the beans together, maybe have both bits of toast as well as the fried bread, then pour it onto one bigger plate and just lash it all at the wall.

Why the fuck you'd order again after the first horror show beats me.I'd rather eat the plate than what's on it.

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@YorkshireRed suggested I put this on the breakfast thread for "proper review".  I happened upon it watching the Euro coverage.  

 

It's a breakfast in Glasgow, apparently.  And it's actually a TV reporter that's sitting down to it, so I suspect it's staged for the telly and you'd never actually get it anywhere near that big in real life there... unless you paid 20-quid perhaps.

 

But on face value, what I'm seeing with my own eyes here, I'd give it a 9.5... with the vibrancy and volume especially pushing it up near perfection for me.  Plus, the attention to detail and TLW persnicketiness, ie. beans on the side etc...

 

Thoughts?

 

BREAKFAST.png.e099d294949850afa80f766ebee1fb90.png

 

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Just now, s(k)aturation said:

@YorkshireRed suggested I put this on the breakfast thread for "proper assessment".  I happened upon it watching the Euro coverage.  

 

It's a breakfast in Glasgow, apparently.  And it's actually a TV reporter that's sitting down to it, so I suspect it's staged for the telly and you'd never actually get it that big in real life there.

 

But on face value, what I'm seeing with my own eyes here, I'd give it a 9.5... with the vibrancy and volume especially pushing it up near perfection for me.  Plus, the attention to detail and TLW persnicketiness, ie. beans on the side etc...

 

Thoughts?

 

BREAKFAST.png.e099d294949850afa80f766ebee1fb90.png

 

I’d need to see more of the reporter but I suspect she’s at least verging on hot so I’m immediately on board.

 

Hopefully the place does doggy bags as there’s no way I’m eating all that in one go.

 

Looks good though, only whatever that is between the black pudding and fried bread an obvious cause for concern. Well that and the blinking awful replica strip she’s wearing.

 

Imagine if there was a video of her pouring those beans over the breakfast. Baked bean porn at its finest that would be.

 

7.5/10

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There's too much food for a female specimen of that size.  She will put away about 20% of it, I would manage about 30 or 40% and certainly no more.  

 

It's hard to tell because of the low vantage point, but the eggs look very well done, as does the fried bread and from what I can tell the meat appears satisfactory. 

 

Obviously the beans are a waste of time. 

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7 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

I’d need to see more of the reporter but I suspect she’s at least verging on hot so I’m immediately on board.

 

Hopefully the place does doggy bags as there’s no way I’m eating all that in one go.

 

Looks good though, only whatever that is between the black pudding and fried bread an obvious cause for concern. Well that and the blinking awful replica strip she’s wearing.

 

Imagine if there was a video of her pouring those beans over the breakfast. Baked bean porn at its finest that would be.

 

7.5/10

 

Nah she isn't.

 

I think she's one of those English bird football interviewers/comperes (maybe Scottish actually, makes more sense)... they said her name but I didn't think it was relevant to the breakfast, so I forgot it quickly.

 

I would say that substance between the pudding and bread is rather thinly/flatly scrambled egg perhaps - part of an egg ensemble it seems... so, on reflection I'll take a whole point off for that.

 

Reassessed, 8.5

 

 

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1 hour ago, s(k)aturation said:

It's a breakfast in Glasgow, apparently.  And it's actually a TV reporter that's sitting down to it, so I suspect it's staged for the telly and you'd never actually get it anywhere near that big in real life there... unless you paid 20-quid perhaps.

 

But on face value, what I'm seeing with my own eyes here, I'd give it a 9.5... with the vibrancy and volume especially pushing it up near perfection for me.  Plus, the attention to detail and TLW persnicketiness, ie. beans on the side etc...

 

Thoughts?

 

BREAKFAST.png.e099d294949850afa80f766ebee1fb90.png

 

Ardja would pay that for the toast 

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