What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Bruce Spanner]

7 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Back on the slow carb diet today after writing last week off due to leftover birthday cake and beer, so cooked up breakfast this morning.

 

it’ll go down very badly on here, I’m sure, but went down very well in actual fact.

 

one bacon rasher, 1.5 turkey bacon rashers, half of 5 scrambled eggs, grilled tomatoes, smashed avo(cado) and some wonderful mushrooms.

 

the big gap on the plate is where the beans I couldn’t be arsed making (cause I cant have sugary Heinz ones) should go.

 

 

 

Fuck that off and lean in to being a heifer.

 

Buy a joke book, learn a few, as it's a universal fact that women love a fat, loud, funny cunt and reap the rewards of my sound advice

 

Don't put yourself through this misery, life's too short.

[DJLJ]

1 hour ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Back on the slow carb diet today after writing last week off due to leftover birthday cake and beer, so cooked up breakfast this morning.

 

it’ll go down very badly on here, I’m sure, but went down very well in actual fact.

 

one bacon rasher, 1.5 turkey bacon rashers, half of 5 scrambled eggs, grilled tomatoes, smashed avo(cado) and some wonderful mushrooms.

 

the big gap on the plate is where the beans I couldn’t be arsed making (cause I cant have sugary Heinz ones) should go.

 

 

Do you have a picture after you cooked it, to compare against?

[Barrington Womble]

A double breakfast weekend for me as the family wanted to go out this morning, no wonder I'm a far cunt. Tilda's kitchen in Walton Vale. It's been a while since I've been here and the breakfast was a little different to before. The below was £8.50 with tea and 2 toast. 

 

Positive

Lovely quality bacon and well cooked. 

Nice quality eggs with tasty yokes. 

Hash browns while just frozen jobs were lovely. 

 

Negative

Took 50 mins to arrive (they warned half an hour)

One of the eggs was overcooked and the yoke spoilt. 

The sausages were very different to last time, they were small and a bit dry and tough. The flavour was ok, but just cooked badly I think. 

The black pudding was ok flavour wise, but too dry. 

Toast as seems to be the theme these days was undercooked. 

 

Overall it did the job and was a decent feed, but I won't be rushing back. 6/10

 

 

 

[YorkshireRed]

2 minutes ago, Barrington Womble said:

A double breakfast weekend for me as the family wanted to go out this morning, no wonder I'm a far cunt. Tilda's kitchen in Walton Vale. It's been a while since I've been here and the breakfast was a little different to before. The below was £8.50 with tea and 2 toast. 

 

Positive

Lovely quality bacon and well cooked. 

Nice quality eggs with tasty yokes. 

Hash browns while just frozen jobs were lovely. 

 

Negative

Took 50 mins to arrive (they warned half an hour)

One of the eggs was overcooked and the yoke spoilt. 

The sausages were very different to last time, they were small and a bit dry and tough. The flavour was ok, but just cooked badly I think. 

The black pudding was ok flavour wise, but too dry. 

Toast as seems to be the theme these days was undercooked. 

 

Overall it did the job and was a decent feed, but I won't be rushing back. 6/10

 

 

 

Where to even start…

 

The plate doesn’t know if it’s Arthur or Martha. It’s shape is disturbing to say the least. Not quite as disturbing as the black pudding cut to look like the smile of a woman who’s going to make you pay.

 

I’d say one egg is overcooked, the other undercooked. Both belong in some form of correctional facility. 
 

Bacon looks ok. The sausages look too small and where bangers are concerned, size most definitely does matter. 
 

I’m undecided on the hash browns being placed on their edges. You’re possibly trying to convey some kind of SOS with this. If so, I hope somebody comes to your aid. Even if you didn’t need it before, after eating that breakfast you will now.

 

Bonus point for the beans.

 

4/10

[Curly]

1 hour ago, Barrington Womble said:

A double breakfast weekend for me as the family wanted to go out this morning, no wonder I'm a far cunt. Tilda's kitchen in Walton Vale. It's been a while since I've been here and the breakfast was a little different to before. The below was £8.50 with tea and 2 toast. 

 

Positive

Lovely quality bacon and well cooked. 

Nice quality eggs with tasty yokes. 

Hash browns while just frozen jobs were lovely. 

 

Negative

Took 50 mins to arrive (they warned half an hour)

One of the eggs was overcooked and the yoke spoilt. 

The sausages were very different to last time, they were small and a bit dry and tough. The flavour was ok, but just cooked badly I think. 

The black pudding was ok flavour wise, but too dry. 

Toast as seems to be the theme these days was undercooked. 

 

Overall it did the job and was a decent feed, but I won't be rushing back. 6/10

 

 

 

“Sorry about the long wait - just finishing the sausages for you mate. They’re nearly there. 5 more minutes of this and it’ll be with you”

 

 

[Curly]

2 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Back on the slow carb diet today after writing last week off due to leftover birthday cake and beer, so cooked up breakfast this morning.

 

it’ll go down very badly on here, I’m sure, but went down very well in actual fact.

 

one bacon rasher, 1.5 turkey bacon rashers, half of 5 scrambled eggs, grilled tomatoes, smashed avo(cado) and some wonderful mushrooms.

 

the big gap on the plate is where the beans I couldn’t be arsed making (cause I cant have sugary Heinz ones) should go.

 

 

Sugar free beans are turd, so I applaud the decision there. I thought I’d caught covid when I had them on toast - don’t taste of anything, the tasteless cunts

[Bjornebye]

3 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Back on the slow carb diet today after writing last week off due to leftover birthday cake and beer, so cooked up breakfast this morning.

 

it’ll go down very badly on here, I’m sure, but went down very well in actual fact.

 

one bacon rasher, 1.5 turkey bacon rashers, half of 5 scrambled eggs, grilled tomatoes, smashed avo(cado) and some wonderful mushrooms.

 

the big gap on the plate is where the beans I couldn’t be arsed making (cause I cant have sugary Heinz ones) should go.

 

 

Hahahahahahahaha fuck you mate 

2 hours ago, Barrington Womble said:

A double breakfast weekend for me as the family wanted to go out this morning, no wonder I'm a far cunt. Tilda's kitchen in Walton Vale. It's been a while since I've been here and the breakfast was a little different to before. The below was £8.50 with tea and 2 toast. 

 

Positive

Lovely quality bacon and well cooked. 

Nice quality eggs with tasty yokes. 

Hash browns while just frozen jobs were lovely. 

 

Negative

Took 50 mins to arrive (they warned half an hour)

One of the eggs was overcooked and the yoke spoilt. 

The sausages were very different to last time, they were small and a bit dry and tough. The flavour was ok, but just cooked badly I think. 

The black pudding was ok flavour wise, but too dry. 

Toast as seems to be the theme these days was undercooked. 

 

Overall it did the job and was a decent feed, but I won't be rushing back. 6/10

 

 

 

Dirty twat 

[Tony Moanero]

4 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Back on the slow carb diet today after writing last week off due to leftover birthday cake and beer, so cooked up breakfast this morning.

 

it’ll go down very badly on here, I’m sure, but went down very well in actual fact.

 

one bacon rasher, 1.5 turkey bacon rashers, half of 5 scrambled eggs, grilled tomatoes, smashed avo(cado) and some wonderful mushrooms.

 

the big gap on the plate is where the beans I couldn’t be arsed making (cause I cant have sugary Heinz ones) should go.

 

 

Lovely shade of blue on that mug.

[Bob]

Staying at a posh spa hotel near harrogate tonight as a joint 40th present for me and the missus, and looking forward already to posting the breakie in the morning.

 

currently sat drinking in the garden near the roof terrace spa with not another soul around us, having tried a bit of golf (dreadfully) in the sunshine earlier, dinner in an hour, then maybe more spa action too, but it’s breakfast I’m looking forward to already.

[Evelyn Tentions]

On 13/06/2021 at 19:51, belarus said:

Sugar free beans are turd, so I applaud the decision there. I thought I’d caught covid when I had them on toast - don’t taste of anything, the tasteless cunts

The actual beans always taste of nothing. Its the revolting glop that they're bathed in that has the taste - i

I refuse to say flavour.

Rinse the glop off some of the fuckers and taste them. Bland little bags of starch in a plastic like skin.

[Curly]

6 minutes ago, Evelyn Tentions said:

The actual beans always taste of nothing. Its the revolting glop that they're bathed in that has the taste - i

I refuse to say flavour.

Rinse the glop off some of the fuckers and taste them. Bland little bags of starch in a plastic like skin.

I’m a pro beaner, but agree with this. Beans per se are fucking shite, but the sauce on beans is immense. Better than ketchup for dipping things in

[Curly]

14 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Staying at a posh spa hotel near harrogate tonight as a joint 40th present for me and the missus, and looking forward already to posting the breakie in the morning.

 

currently sat drinking in the garden near the roof terrace spa with not another soul around us, having tried a bit of golf (dreadfully) in the sunshine earlier, dinner in an hour, then maybe more spa action too, but it’s breakfast I’m looking forward to already.

There will be hell to pay on here if no breakfast materialises after that build up

[YorkshireRed]

23 minutes ago, belarus said:

There will be hell to pay on here if no breakfast materialises after that build up

He’ll be having, leisurely, loved up, morning sex. I hate the cunt. Even if he posts a photo of the greatest breakfast ever produced, I’ll still slag it off. 

Jealousy is a very powerful emotion. 
 

 

[Bob]

2 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

He’ll be having, leisurely, loved up, morning sex. I hate the cunt. Even if he posts a photo of the greatest breakfast ever produced, I’ll still slag it off. 

Jealousy is a very powerful emotion. 
 

 

Now I’m gonna order it for room service instead so you have to guess if I’m naked when I’m eating it.

[Bob]

So here goes...

 

went for the “full Yorkshire breakfast”

 

no idea of cost as included and this was a gift for us from my ex.

 

let’s get it out of the way... the beans were a fucking disgrace. My missus had the same and hers were ever so slightly better where you could actually see some beans amongst the juice, but still. Microwaved beans. My head is shaking as I type this.

 

second... the “toast”. Once upon a time before covid the toast would be a serve yourself affair I think. As it is, I’m sat looking at the fraud who’s been given that job and he hasn’t a clue. We send back our first effort (pictured) cause not only was it not toast, but it was stone cold to boot. Second lot arrived modestly warm and still untoasted.

 

If I hadn’t got a view of the affair I’d assume the heat lamp it was sitting under to “keep warm” was the only heat source involved.

 

breakfast itself, good. Bacon was lovely and well cooked, sausage was superb, and the poached eggs were the star of the whole affair.

 

hash browns were fine, mushroom was grand and the tomato was as good as you could ask for.

 

overall, a decent start to the day. Giving me something to whine about makes it almost perfect.

 

5/10

 

 

[Bruce Spanner]

2 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

So here goes...

 

went for the “full Yorkshire breakfast”

 

no idea of cost as included and this was a gift for us from my ex.

 

let’s get it out of the way... the beans were a fucking disgrace. My missus had the same and hers were ever so slightly better where you could actually see some beans amongst the juice, but still. Microwaved beans. My head is shaking as I type this.

 

second... the “toast”. Once upon a time before covid the toast would be a serve yourself affair I think. As it is, I’m sat looking at the fraud who’s been given that job and he hasn’t a clue. We send back our first effort (pictured) cause not only was it not toast, but it was stone cold to boot. Second lot arrived modestly warm and still untoasted.

 

If I hadn’t got a view of the affair I’d assume the heat lamp it was sitting under to “keep warm” was the only heat source involved.

 

breakfast itself, good. Bacon was lovely and well cooked, sausage was superb, and the poached eggs were the star of the whole affair.

 

hash browns were fine, mushroom was grand and the tomato was as good as you could ask for.

 

overall, a decent start to the day. Giving me something to whine about makes it almost perfect.

 

5/10

 

 

 

So the ex really does hate you then, right?

[Bjornebye]

Hahahahaha thats just gastro filth. No chance that bread has seen any heat today until you started shouting at the waitress/waiter 

[Numero Veinticinco]

Never seen a pot of bean juice before. 

[Pidge]

22 minutes ago, Numero Veinticinco said:

Never seen a pot of bean juice before. 

I usually order that instead of a pot of tea.

[KMD7]

52 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

So here goes...

 

went for the “full Yorkshire breakfast”

 

no idea of cost as included and this was a gift for us from my ex.

 

let’s get it out of the way... the beans were a fucking disgrace. My missus had the same and hers were ever so slightly better where you could actually see some beans amongst the juice, but still. Microwaved beans. My head is shaking as I type this.

 

second... the “toast”. Once upon a time before covid the toast would be a serve yourself affair I think. As it is, I’m sat looking at the fraud who’s been given that job and he hasn’t a clue. We send back our first effort (pictured) cause not only was it not toast, but it was stone cold to boot. Second lot arrived modestly warm and still untoasted.

 

If I hadn’t got a view of the affair I’d assume the heat lamp it was sitting under to “keep warm” was the only heat source involved.

 

breakfast itself, good. Bacon was lovely and well cooked, sausage was superb, and the poached eggs were the star of the whole affair.

 

hash browns were fine, mushroom was grand and the tomato was as good as you could ask for.

 

overall, a decent start to the day. Giving me something to whine about makes it almost perfect.

 

5/10

 

 

Repped for being hilariously shit.

[Vincent Vega]

Tomato soup is an interesting addition to the English breakfast. 

[Elite]

2 hours ago, Numero Veinticinco said:

Never seen a pot of bean juice before. 

Sounds like he's had enough bean juice for one day.

[Curly]

2 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

So here goes...

 

went for the “full Yorkshire breakfast”

 

no idea of cost as included and this was a gift for us from my ex.

 

let’s get it out of the way... the beans were a fucking disgrace. My missus had the same and hers were ever so slightly better where you could actually see some beans amongst the juice, but still. Microwaved beans. My head is shaking as I type this.

 

second... the “toast”. Once upon a time before covid the toast would be a serve yourself affair I think. As it is, I’m sat looking at the fraud who’s been given that job and he hasn’t a clue. We send back our first effort (pictured) cause not only was it not toast, but it was stone cold to boot. Second lot arrived modestly warm and still untoasted.

 

If I hadn’t got a view of the affair I’d assume the heat lamp it was sitting under to “keep warm” was the only heat source involved.

 

breakfast itself, good. Bacon was lovely and well cooked, sausage was superb, and the poached eggs were the star of the whole affair.

 

hash browns were fine, mushroom was grand and the tomato was as good as you could ask for.

 

overall, a decent start to the day. Giving me something to whine about makes it almost perfect.

 

5/10

 

 

To be fair, the stuff on the plate looks well cooked and a pot of bean juice is amazing - it’s all about the juice.

 

I hope you turned yourself in to operation yew tree if you ate that brown “toast”.

 

The poachies look great, although could be slightly overdone - was there any ooze?

[YorkshireRed]

3 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Yorkshire breakfast

It’s breakfasts like this that give our county a bad name. 
 

Harrogate needs to be booted out of Yorkshire immediately for being a Cheshire like wannabe. 
 

For your 50th spend the weekend at the Redbeck instead. They don’t fuck around with warm bread there.
 

 

[Strontium]

3 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

 

 

Even as a pro-beaner I am concerned by the quantity of tomato sauce here.

 

I'd probably drink the excess before tipping it out onto my plate.