What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Curly]

2 hours ago, belarus said:

New place. Takeout as lockdown. £10. 
 

Go and fuck yourselves.

To be honest it was pretty average. 5/10.

[Curly]

1 hour ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Is that two breakfasts in one box ?

Where from ?

Did it come with a drink ?

 

Regardless. The hash browns look like something or someone has been nibbling at them.

The sausages look like those chippy ones that have been deep fried,

The eggs look like they were cooked at different time of the day.

Where's the bacon ?

The mushrooms and black pud look ok.

The toast would have passed too had they not committed the ultimate sin on it.

It’s one breakfast. Farm shop in Staffordshire. No bevvy

[TheHowieLama]

They should have given you two boxes.

[Dougie Do'ins]

16 minutes ago, TheHowieLama said:

They should have given you two boxes.

One to eat it out of. The other to throw up in.

[KMD7]

Thought that was an aerial view of someone's bin. 

[Tony Moanero]

1 hour ago, belarus said:

It’s one breakfast. Farm shop in Staffordshire. No bevvy

Was it delivered to your home? If so, was it cold?

 

I’ve had a fry-up delivered twice. The first time, years ago, the food was cooked well but was lukewarm. The second time, the food was hotter but there was a  pubic hair on the bacon.

[Curly]

13 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

Was it delivered to your home? If so, was it cold?

 

I’ve had a fry-up delivered twice. The first time, years ago, the food was cooked well but was lukewarm. The second time, the food was hotter but there was a  pubic hair on the bacon.

Hahaha - I’ve had a pube on my prawn crackers before. It was pure white. It didn’t prevent me enjoying them. Did you still eat the breakfast?

 

I picked it up, so the heat was pretty good. I was really enjoying it at first, but by the end I had gone off it.

[easytoslip]

17 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

Was it delivered to your home? If so, was it cold?

 

I’ve had a fry-up delivered twice. The first time, years ago, the food was cooked well but was lukewarm. The second time, the food was hotter but there was a  pubic hair on the bacon.

Did it have a follicle? 

[Tony Moanero]

11 minutes ago, belarus said:

Hahaha - I’ve had a pube on my prawn crackers before. It was pure white. It didn’t prevent me enjoying them. Did you still eat the breakfast?

 

I picked it up, so the heat was pretty good. I was really enjoying it at first, but by the end I had gone off it.

No, I didn’t eat it. The hair was massive, a long, curly, black pubic hair. I complained, had a heated exchange with the owner/chef and he banned me.

[Bjornebye]

11 minutes ago, belarus said:

Hahaha - I’ve had a pube on my prawn crackers before. It was pure white. It didn’t prevent me enjoying them. Did you still eat the breakfast?

 

I picked it up, so the heat was pretty good. I was really enjoying it at first, but by the end I had gone off it.

Did you pay extra? 

[TheHowieLama]

2 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

No, I didn’t eat it. The hair was massive, a long, curly, black pubic hair. I complained, had a heated exchange with the owner/chef and he banned me.

Did he have black hair?

[Tony Moanero]

12 minutes ago, TheHowieLama said:

Did he have black hair?

Yes. He was a one-man band, he did all the cooking and baking. He couldn’t bake for toffee, his Battenberg, in particular, the was atrocious. Marzipan was incredibly dry, buttercream instead of apricot jam and the sponge was heavy and dry.

 

[Edward.]

4 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

If you gave that to a homeless person he’d tell you to go and fuck yourself 

Depends how you define homeless.

[Bruce Spanner]

4 hours ago, belarus said:

New place. Takeout as lockdown. £10. 
 

Go and fuck yourselves.

 

Imagine being hungover as fuck, thinking you're beating the system by ordering a Full English delivery. Imagine the hope, the optimism, the sheer thrill of waiting for it to arrive and dispense with your hangover, like an elixir made by the gods of Olympus themselves.

 

And then, then, this fucking travesty arrives, everything you hoped for disapears like the cepia tinged memory of a former lovers flaws. You look at it and realise that you're fucked, done, it's over. it'll never get better than yesterday. The anguise must be akin to Munch's 'scream', but there will never be interest in you, no crowds to assess your merit, no validation, no discussion of your qualities and worth, just a sad, hungover creature holding a box containing a breakfast so bad that the driver feels guilty handing it over to a man such as yourself who is so close to the edge.

[Bjornebye]

8 minutes ago, Edward. said:

Depends how you define homeless.

It doesn't. There are arse eating Hyenas in the Kruger who wouldn't touch that. 

[Curly]

23 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

Yes. He was a one-man band, he did all the cooking and baking. He couldn’t bake for toffee, his Battenberg, in particular, the was atrocious. Marzipan was incredibly dry, buttercream instead of apricot jam and the sponge was heavy and dry.

 

A man who fucks with Tony Moanero’s biscuits or baked confectionery, AND drops a pube onto his meal, is a brave man.

 

Where did you bury the body, Tone?

[Edward.]

7 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

It doesn't. There are arse eating Hyenas in the Kruger who wouldn't touch that. 

Looks okay to me eaten worse.

[Bjornebye]

Just now, Edward. said:

Looks okay to me eaten worse.

Sent from beyond the grave? 

[Edward.]

26 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Sent from beyond the grave? 

If you had seen the breakfast I had in Vietnam you’d understand. 

[Edward.]

It was more humorous than gut wrenching. Although I was violently sick an hour later.

[Bjornebye]

2 minutes ago, Edward. said:

If you had seen the breakfast I had in Vietnam you’d understand. 

Elaborate..... I'm intrigued 

 

 

 

 

 

My worst breakfast experience was in Australia. Tucking into a lovely fry-up sat outside this cafe in Cairns town centre. Trying to shake off a heavy one and soak up some hangover. Across the street a fella was asleep on a bench. Just as I cut into the yoke of my fried egg he started coughing and a load of stuff dripped out of his mouth and hung slowly all the way to the floor. He barely wiped it and he was pretty much right in my eye-line. I couldn't stomach another bite. The other 3 I was with all tucked straight into theirs though, I didn't point it out to them while they were eating. I mentioned it after they'd all finished and my mate Sophie threw up in a bin. 

[cloggypop]

1Beans 2 Cups

[Edward.]

I have a pic of it but no idea how to post it on here. 
 

I work with homeless people so I often respond without thinking about how the comment was meant.

[Bjornebye]

4 minutes ago, Edward. said:

I have a pic of it but no idea how to post it on here. 
 

I work with homeless people so I often respond without thinking about how the comment was meant.

It wasn't meant as a slur to anything but the breakfast. My point being that even if I was starving I'd tell him to go and fuck himself. Obviously it's just taking the piss. 

[TheHowieLama]

27 minutes ago, Edward. said:

If you had seen the breakfast I had in Vietnam you’d understand. 

How many tours did ya do Ed?