What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Trumo]

Not sure it was necessary to bring half of it back up on the plate.

[Numero Veinticinco]

Probably plantain? 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Anubis said:

We’ve found a witch? May we hang him?

 

 

 

Is John Aldridge posting as Fred Sirieix now?

[lifetime fan]

2 hours ago, Numero Veinticinco said:

Probably plantain? 

Plaintain is great. 
 

But not with smoked salmon and scrambled eggs. 

[Dr Nowt]

Speaking of hideous breakfasts.

 

I was scrolling through one of the dating apps a few months ago, and saw this absolute fucking disgrace.
 

 

Swiped right on her, purely in the hope she’d match me so I could give her some righteous abuse over that plate. And what do you know?

 

 

She responded instantly with a photo of aRdja and the comment “This soft cunt paid £400 for that, once he saw the figs.”

[Bjornebye]

11 hours ago, Captain Milk said:

Speaking of hideous breakfasts.

 

I was scrolling through one of the dating apps a few months ago, and saw this absolute fucking disgrace.
 

 

Swiped right on her, purely in the hope she’d match me so I could give her some righteous abuse over that plate. And what do you know?

 

 

She responded instantly with a photo of aRdja and the comment “This soft cunt paid £400 for that, once he saw the figs.”

She was quite fit as well from what I remember? Still she is a dirty bean eating bastard who definitely shags wheelie bins 

[Paulie Dangerously]

Rock Salt, Crosby 

£8 without a drink. 

 

Very enjoyable, if a little steep without a drink, I'm off vegetarianism for a bit and though the sausage tasted like heaven. Home made rosti was a bit meh but every other element flawless and the poached egg was perfect. 

[Bjornebye]

The toast is pretentious and cut wrong anyway. Have they even buttered it? Only a quarter of the bacon bothered to turn up. The (1) sausage does look nice. As do the (1) black pudding and mushroom. 4 big vine tomatoes? No, fuck off out of here. Nonce tin in the middle. "rosti" You should be fucking embarrassed. That poached egg looks fucking crap. What colour is that plate? Gun-metal? Yeah thats where the 8 quid went. No drink???? 

 

You know that scene in Kill Bill 2 where Buddy shoots Kiddo in the chest with rock salt then buries her alive? 

 

Yeah that. 

 

I'm calling them up about this. 

 

 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

You could get all that on two rounds of bread easy, egg looks like a Albino Ninja Turtle and was the bacon from a Tea Cup Pig?

[TheHowieLama]

21 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

The toast is pretentious and cut wrong anyway.

 

 

Wry

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, TheHowieLama said:

Wry

What 

[Paulie Dangerously]

The QWERTY breakfast reviewers are out today. Get to a cafe and show us what you've got 

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

The QWERTY breakfast reviewers are out today. Get to a cafe and show us what you've got 

No because I don't want to die or kill others with covid. 

[YorkshireRed]

1 hour ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Rock Salt, Crosby 

£8 without a drink. 

 

Very enjoyable, if a little steep without a drink, I'm off vegetarianism for a bit and though the sausage tasted like heaven. Home made rosti was a bit meh but every other element flawless and the poached egg was perfect. 

For £8 I’d expect the tomatoes to, at the very least, have been properly excavated from the plant they grew on. 
 

The bacon looks like it’s lacking in confidence, hiding behind an overconfident, given its cut and type, slice of toast. 
 

Fucking Rosti. It needs to be a Hash Brown or nothing. This is becoming a huge issue in the UK breakfast game at the moment, threatening it’s very future as something we do here that’s not completely shit.

 

Beans as the centrepiece gets my vote. Reminds me of Elvis in his Vegas days, entertaining the audience from a circular stage in the middle of his adoring fans. He may have been fat and on the cusp of death but he was still the King. 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

2 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Rock Salt, Crosby 

£8 without a drink. 

 

Very enjoyable, if a little steep without a drink, I'm off vegetarianism for a bit and though the sausage tasted like heaven. Home made rosti was a bit meh but every other element flawless and the poached egg was perfect. 

 

Needs an extra bacon (maybe an extra 3 if the rashers are all that size), egg and sausage but not bad

[Evelyn Tentions]

46 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

For £8 I’d expect the tomatoes to, at the very least, have been properly excavated from the plant they grew on. 
 

The bacon looks like it’s lacking in confidence, hiding behind an overconfident, given its cut and type, slice of toast. 
 

Fucking Rosti. It needs to be a Hash Brown or nothing. This is becoming a huge issue in the UK breakfast game at the moment, threatening it’s very future as something we do here that’s not completely shit.

 

Beans as the centrepiece gets my vote. Reminds me of Elvis in his Vegas days, entertaining the audience from a circular stage in the middle of his adoring fans. He may have been fat and on the cusp of death but he was still the King. 

Neither beans nor anything made with potato have any place on an English breakfast

[Bruce Spanner]

Guarandamntee that the cunt who pushed that jumped up breakfast under your nose had a sleeve of tattoo, a beard, a sailor beenie and had heard of your favourite band before they were famous and hated their second, break through, album. 

[Tony Moanero]

2 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Rock Salt, Crosby 

£8 without a drink. 

 

Very enjoyable, if a little steep without a drink, I'm off vegetarianism for a bit and though the sausage tasted like heaven. Home made rosti was a bit meh but every other element flawless and the poached egg was perfect. 

Food looks nice. Shame about the portion size. Burp and you’d be hungry again.

[Anubis]

2 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

No because I don't want to die or kill others with covid. 

Slating his breakfast and calling him a murderer within a couple of posts. The TLW way.

[Anubis]

As for Paulie’s breakfast. Generally looks pretty good and I can even just about forgive the way they’ve cut the toast. But it’s way overpriced and those fucking beans. At least they had the good grace to separate them from the other items.

 

Quote

What colour is that plate? Gun-metal? Yeah thats where the 8 quid went.

That made me laugh out loud.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

The QWERTY breakfast reviewers are out today. Get to a cafe and show us what you've got 

AKA Eat out to come out.

[Bjornebye]

20 minutes ago, Anubis said:

Slating his breakfast and calling him a murderer within a couple of posts. The TLW way.

He started it. 

[Trumo]

2 hours ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Guarandamntee that the cunt who pushed that jumped up breakfast under your nose had a sleeve of tattoo, a beard, a sailor beenie and had heard of your favourite band before they were famous and hated their second, break through, album. 

 

Based on that description, he ought to be serving "avo on wholegrain toast" with wheatgrass juice.

[Dr Nowt]

On 08/06/2020 at 11:40, Bjornebye said:

She was quite fit as well from what I remember? Still she is a dirty bean eating bastard who definitely shags wheelie bins 

So so. That breakfast photo turned out to be the sign of her having a decent sense of humour. It’s from some cafe north of the border, apparently. She saw the photo up there and used it as a test to weed potential matches out from the dross. Reckoned I was the first bloke to pass the test and asked if our first date could be at said cafe. I got some decent Kirstie Allsop material into the chat you would have very much approved of.
 

Plot-twist: It crashed on the rocks of me being a terrible human and losing interest.

[Bjornebye]

5 minutes ago, Dr Nowt said:

So so. That breakfast photo turned out to be the sign of her having a decent sense of humour. It’s from some cafe north of the border, apparently. She saw the photo up there and used it as a test to weed potential matches out from the dross. Reckoned I was the first bloke to pass the test and asked if our first date could be at said cafe. I got some decent Kirstie Allsop material into the chat you would have very much approved of.
 

Plot-twist: It crashed on the rocks of me being a terrible human and losing interest.

Outstanding work.