What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Dr Nowt]

 

[TheHowieLama]

37 minutes ago, Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper said:

Challenge accepted.

 

Pick the bones out of this.

 

How was the strap on held in place? That is also a pretty large piece of ginger there.

[Karl_b]

50 minutes ago, Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper said:

Challenge accepted.

 

Pick the bones out of this.

 

What's better than perfect?

[Anubis]

52 minutes ago, Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper said:

Challenge accepted.

 

Pick the bones out of this.

 

 

Youve heard of Breakfast At Tiffany’s? Well that’s Breakfast At Tony’s Ma’s.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Grouting needs sorting. 

[Dr Nowt]

17 minutes ago, TheHowieLama said:

How was the strap on held in place?

Your son took care of that part.

 

A very obliging young man.

[lifetime fan]

16 hours ago, Scott_M said:

I know you like to give it billy big bollocks about the smallest of accomplishment’s on here, so I’m very surprised you haven’t bragged about your new job flipping Sausage & Egg McMuffins. 

 

I’d concentrate on not over cooking and ruining your Costco rib of beef again if I were you. 

[Dougie Do'ins]

14 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Raw black pudding? 

Raw is probably the wrong word to use as BP is cooked in the manufacturing stage.

 

Unheated is a more apt word.

[Bjornebye]

Ben having another crying session in women pants today then? Great. 

[Dr Nowt]

IT WASN’T ONLY ME THAT WAS FUCKING CRYING MATE.

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper said:

IT WASN’T ONLY ME THAT WAS FUCKING CRYING MATE.

Tonys Maa whimpers on command thats as close as your getting 

[Dr Nowt]

7 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Tonys Maa whimpers on command thats as close as your getting 

Oh aye.

[Bruce Spanner]

I’ve probably told this story before, but I used to go out with a filthbag who was stunning, but remarkably thick. Some would say this is the ideal type, but I think I’m made of more substance...

 

Anyhow, first night she stayed at mine I had nothing in for breakfast so said ‘you walk to the shop and I’ll cook’ she came back with a tube of Pringles and a box of ice cold Heineken! Amazing. It was eight thirty in the morning.

[Dr Nowt]

How is Mrs Spanner?

[Bjornebye]

6 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

I’ve probably told this story before, but I used to go out with a filthbag who was stunning, but remarkably thick. Some would say this is the ideal type, but I think I’m made of more substance...

 

Anyhow, first night she stayed at mine I had nothing in for breakfast so said ‘you walk to the shop and I’ll cook’ she came back with a tube of Pringles and a box of ice cold Heineken! Amazing. It was eight thirty in the morning.

How much are you saying for her number? 

[Scott_M]

1 hour ago, lifetime fan said:

 

I’d concentrate on not over cooking and ruining your Costco rib of beef again if I were you. 

Ouch. I consider myself burnt...

 

...much like the breakfasts who’ve previously posted. 

[Bruce Spanner]

3 minutes ago, Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper said:

How is Mrs Spanner?

 

As described above, but with fully functioning grey matter! 

 

Thos is girl was wonderful, but I have no idea how she managed to function. We were together about 5/6 months and every Friday she withdrew her whole wage. No word of a lie she lost her wages about six times. Her rational ‘I’m always loosing my card’

 

Beautiful.

[Fugitive]

 

3 hours ago, Karl_b said:

I admire those souls that keep this thread going, through their commitment to the cooked breakfast, good or bad. Their valiant efforts just show up those that are quick to criticise without stepping up to post their own attempts. 

I’ve posted fry ups I’ve cooked on here, you big spunk bucket.

[Dr Nowt]

11 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

 

As described above, but with fully functioning grey matter! 

 

Thos is girl was wonderful, but I have no idea how she managed to function. We were together about 5/6 months and every Friday she withdrew her whole wage. No word of a lie she lost her wages about six times. Her rational ‘I’m always loosing my card’

 

Beautiful.

I was seeing a gorgeous lass who was Marketing Director for Wallpaper magazine when they were de rigeur in the mid 00s. Now a very successful MD for some other company, having gone via senior posts at Diesel and Swarovski.

 

Paper plates/plastic cups only and never, ever had more than tea, coffee and sugar in her kitchen. Permanently the drunkest girl in London. Forever breaking a limb, losing all her vital items like keys and purse during a night out and fucking her life up in some newly inventive way or other.

 

She once ripped an IV midline out of my arm in the early hours of the morning after a bender. In fact, it was the night coming into England against Portugal in WC 2006, as I had to rush to King’s Hospital to get a new one so I could do my meds before going out for the game. In my drunken slumber all I could hear was “What are these FUCKING headphones doing in my bed?” several times, before I felt a sharp pain and woke up with a start, too late, to see it disappearing out of my arm like a little worm.

 

Amazing how some people get by.

[Anubis]

5 minutes ago, Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper said:

She once ripped an IV midline out of my arm in the early hours of the morning after a bender. In fact, it was the night coming into England against Portugal in WC 2006, as I had to rush to King’s Hospital to get a new one so I could do my meds before going out for the game. In my drunken slumber all I could hear was “What are these FUCKING headphones doing in my bed?” several times, before I felt a sharp pain and woke up with a start, too late, to see it disappearing out of my arm like a little worm.

 

One for the things you shouldn’t find funny thread.

[Bjornebye]

8 minutes ago, Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper said:

I was seeing a gorgeous lass who was Marketing Director for Wallpaper magazine when they were de rigeur in the mid 00s. Now a very successful MD for some other company, having gone via senior posts at Diesel and Swarovski.

 

Paper plates/plastic cups only and never, ever had more than tea, coffee and sugar in her kitchen. Permanently the drunkest girl in London. Forever breaking a limb, losing all her vital items like keys and purse during a night out and fucking her life up in some newly inventive way or other.

 

She once ripped an IV midline out of my arm in the early hours of the morning after a bender. In fact, it was the night coming into England against Portugal in WC 2006, as I had to rush to King’s Hospital to get a new one so I could do my meds before going out for the game. In my drunken slumber all I could hear was “What are these FUCKING headphones doing in my bed?” several times, before I felt a sharp pain and woke up with a start, too late, to see it disappearing out of my arm like a little worm.

 

Amazing how some people get by.

I'm drawn to these type of women like a moth to a light. 

 

Women are fucking psychopaths. 

[Dr Nowt]

15 minutes ago, Anubis said:

 

One for the things you shouldn’t find funny thread.

Aye, was well funny.

 

Especially as I had to phone my specialist ward in Poole and pretend I’d been being very sensible and sober during a two week course of heavy medication usually administered as an inpatient. I was explaining how I’d accidentally got the line all wet in the shower and it had become damaged and fallen out, when one of them called me my real name as per my birth certificate.

 

When she bellowed “James? You didn’t tell me your name was fucking James” at me, I got the distinct impression they didn’t believe I’d been behaving myself as agreed.

[lifetime fan]

56 minutes ago, Scott_M said:

Ouch. I consider myself burnt...

 

...much like the breakfasts who’ve previously posted. 

 

True. 

 

Same as nearly £40 of beef you turned to dog food. 

 

Hard lines. 

[Bruce Spanner]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

How much are you saying for her number? 

 

New phone, who dis?

[Tony Moanero]

@Bunk

 

Alf Ventress knew.