What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Dougie Do'ins]

Your thoughts please.

 

2 Bacon

2 Sausage

2 Black pud

2 Eggs

2 Hash browns

Beans (uncounted)

tinned tomatoes

Mushrooms

2 Toast (uncut)

Tea

 

 

[Tony Moanero]

16 minutes ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Your thoughts please.

 

2 Bacon

2 Sausage

2 Black pud

2 Eggs

2 Hash browns

Beans (uncounted)

tinned tomatoes

Mushrooms

2 Toast (uncut)

Tea

 

 

Cheapo sausages 

Can barely see the black pudding 

Eggs look like they were done in one of these, which means they would have been rubbery

Farmfoods hash browns 

Beans are for bastards 

I don’t mind tinned tomatoes, whole ones not chopped ones, though

Mushrooms look ok

Cunt of a plate 

 

[General Dryness]

Tinned tomatoes can fuck off, as can the frozen hash browns. Beans should be in a ramekin or container of some sort. I may or may not want them, but it has to be my choice. Sausages are the cheap chippy jobs, mushrooms look underdone as does the bacon. And they've clearly done the eggs in rings, which just looks unnatural.  In fact, the eggs make it look as if the plate is rolling it's eyes, which is what I did when I opened the thread and saw what you'd posted.

 

Kill them all Doug. With a spoon.

[aRdja]

15 minutes ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Your thoughts please.

 

2 Bacon

2 Sausage

2 Black pud

2 Eggs

2 Hash browns

Beans (uncounted)

tinned tomatoes

Mushrooms

2 Toast (uncut)

Tea

 

 

Tony: what’s the hash brown doing there?

Fugitive: you’re a cunt, bomb the cafe

Stig: what Fugitive said but add extra expletives

CT: they didn’t do the beans properly

Anti-bean extremists: beans are for pedos

*The Bitch likes this*

Mook: shove it up my arse

General Dryness: At least you didn’t pay Ardja prices for that, the twat

[Pureblood]

It looks like something Piers Morgan would enjoy.

[Mook]

16 minutes ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Your thoughts please.

 

2 Bacon

2 Sausage

2 Black pud

2 Eggs

2 Hash browns

Beans (uncounted)

tinned tomatoes

Mushrooms

2 Toast (uncut)

Tea

 

 

The eggs are looking at the fungus & tinned tomatoes like you would at a paraplegic guy who had just fucked your wife.

[General Dryness]

5 minutes ago, Mook said:

The eggs are looking at the fungus & tinned tomatoes like you would at a paraplegic guy who had just fucked your wife.

I'd put the cunt in a fucking wheelchair.  

 

It would be the fair thing to do, he'd probably need some help as he'd be knackered from all the shagging he'd just done. 

[KMD7]

56 minutes ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Your thoughts please.

 

2 Bacon

2 Sausage

2 Black pud

2 Eggs

2 Hash browns

Beans (uncounted)

tinned tomatoes

Mushrooms

2 Toast (uncut)

Tea

 

 

Tinned toms on a brekky are sound. I'd happily eat that. 

[Dougie Do'ins]

Last time I went in here it was just a good old cafe but has since had a change of ownership.

 

2 Bacon - Cooked to perfection. 10/10

 

2 Sausage - Yep, those shite chippy ones and deep fried. 0/10

 

2 Black pud - One average slice cut into two. Deep fried and over cooked. 0/10

 

2 Eggs - Tony obviously knows his eggs. Had the same consistency as boiled eggs. Fucking awful. -1/10 (yes minus 1/10)

 

2 Hash browns - Deep fried and grease bound. 0/10

 

Beans (uncounted) - Unrateable as how hard can it be to get tinned beans wrong ?

 

tinned tomatoes - Unratable. Same as the beans even though I prefer tinned tomatoes.

 

Mushrooms - Bit on the greasy side but meh. 5/10

 

2 Toast (uncut) Utterly fucking shocking. Underdone and came pre spread with fuck knows what that looked like it had been applied with a plasterers float. 1/10. Giving a point for not assuming I wanted it pre cut and into those poncy fucking triangles.

 

Tea - Zero taste and came with so much milk in a separate milk jug, more of it was wasted than used.

 

£5.50. Make the most of it as you wont be seeing Dougie again.

 

 

[mattyq]

1 hour ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Your thoughts please.

 

2 Bacon

2 Sausage

2 Black pud

2 Eggs

2 Hash browns

Beans (uncounted)

tinned tomatoes

Mushrooms

2 Toast (uncut)

Tea

 

 

Bacon and mushies look ok

As to the rest... in the bin

The eggs, in particular, disgust me

[TheHowieLama]

Eggs look like a bad boob job

[Bob]

2 hours ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Your thoughts please.

 

2 Bacon

2 Sausage

2 Black pud

2 Eggs

2 Hash browns

Beans (uncounted)

tinned tomatoes

Mushrooms

2 Toast (uncut)

Tea

 

 

Solid effort. Personally I don’t see a place for tinned tomatoes on a brekkie. 

 

Whether this is a a success or not comes down to just one thing... are those yolks runny?

[polymerpunkah]

Eggs are far too right-authoritarian for me.

[Barrington Womble]

3 hours ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Last time I went in here it was just a good old cafe but has since had a change of ownership.

 

2 Bacon - Cooked to perfection. 10/10

 

2 Sausage - Yep, those shite chippy ones and deep fried. 0/10

 

2 Black pud - One average slice cut into two. Deep fried and over cooked. 0/10

 

2 Eggs - Tony obviously knows his eggs. Had the same consistency as boiled eggs. Fucking awful. -1/10 (yes minus 1/10)

 

2 Hash browns - Deep fried and grease bound. 0/10

 

Beans (uncounted) - Unrateable as how hard can it be to get tinned beans wrong ?

 

tinned tomatoes - Unratable. Same as the beans even though I prefer tinned tomatoes.

 

Mushrooms - Bit on the greasy side but meh. 5/10

 

2 Toast (uncut) Utterly fucking shocking. Underdone and came pre spread with fuck knows what that looked like it had been applied with a plasterers float. 1/10. Giving a point for not assuming I wanted it pre cut and into those poncy fucking triangles.

 

Tea - Zero taste and came with so much milk in a separate milk jug, more of it was wasted than used.

 

£5.50. Make the most of it as you wont be seeing Dougie again.

 

 

Maybe go back for a bacon butty. 

[Bjornebye]

4 hours ago, KMD7 said:

Tinned toms on a brekky are sound. I'd happily shag kids. 

Dave 

[Remmie]

8 hours ago, viRdjil said:

Tony: what’s the hash brown doing there?

Fugitive: you’re a cunt, bomb the cafe

Stig: what Fugitive said but add extra expletives

CT: they didn’t do the beans properly

Anti-bean extremists: beans are for pedos

*The Bitch likes this*

Mook: shove it up my arse

General Dryness: At least you didn’t pay Ardja prices for that, the twat

Devastated not to get a mention here. NV is probably wringing kittens necks in fume and all.

[Tony Moanero]

7 hours ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Last time I went in here it was just a good old cafe but has since had a change of ownership.

 

2 Bacon - Cooked to perfection. 10/10

 

2 Sausage - Yep, those shite chippy ones and deep fried. 0/10

 

2 Black pud - One average slice cut into two. Deep fried and over cooked. 0/10

 

2 Eggs - Tony obviously knows his eggs. Had the same consistency as boiled eggs. Fucking awful. -1/10 (yes minus 1/10)

 

2 Hash browns - Deep fried and grease bound. 0/10

 

Beans (uncounted) - Unrateable as how hard can it be to get tinned beans wrong ?

 

tinned tomatoes - Unratable. Same as the beans even though I prefer tinned tomatoes.

 

Mushrooms - Bit on the greasy side but meh. 5/10

 

2 Toast (uncut) Utterly fucking shocking. Underdone and came pre spread with fuck knows what that looked like it had been applied with a plasterers float. 1/10. Giving a point for not assuming I wanted it pre cut and into those poncy fucking triangles.

 

Tea - Zero taste and came with so much milk in a separate milk jug, more of it was wasted than used.

 

£5.50. Make the most of it as you wont be seeing Dougie again.

 

 

Where is this place?

[Fugitive]

9 hours ago, viRdjil said:

Tony: what’s the hash brown doing there?

Fugitive: you’re a cunt, bomb the cafe

Stig: what Fugitive said but add extra expletives

CT: they didn’t do the beans properly

Anti-bean extremists: beans are for pedos

*The Bitch likes this*

Mook: shove it up my arse

General Dryness: At least you didn’t pay Ardja prices for that, the twat

Ardja: Harry Maguire has high meat content. Only paid £2000000000 for it. 10/10

[Remmie]

4 hours ago, Fugitive said:

Ardja: Harry Maguire has high meat content. Only paid £2000000000 for it. 10/10

Negged for ff on the GF 

[aRdja]

I stayed at an Airbnb in Torbay over the weekend, they served a cracking fry-up, that I think will be popular amongst the critics. More on the rustic side. Will post on the train on the way to work soon.

[aRdja]

12 hours ago, Remmie said:

Devastated not to get a mention here. NV is probably wringing kittens necks in fume and all.

Yeah apols Rem, and others I’ve omitted. I love you all the same.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

46 minutes ago, viRdjil said:

Yeah apols Rem, and others I’ve omitted. I love you all the same.

Wavering over the neg button. I will let you off this time.

[Spy Bee]

Is this some special Maddy McCann toast?

[Evelyn Tentions]

14 hours ago, Fugitive said:

Ardja: Harry Maguire has high meat content. Only paid £2000000000 for it. 10/10

Negged to restore the neg balance. Rules is rules.

[Bjornebye]

3 hours ago, Spy Bee said:

Is this some special Maddy McCann toast?

Im fully expecting her to turn up in someones breakfast pic one day soon. Just casually sat across the table drinking beans.