What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Tony Moanero]

2 hours ago, mattyq said:

Babushkas in Portrush... lovely little place overlooking the beach

It was £8 with tea

Delicious even the beans - they were homemade and spicy

Bacon very good as were the sausages, potato bread and something called Fadge which is a type of bread, apparently

Waitress top quality

 

 

 

Rubbish. All beans are shite but those are probably the worse I’ve seen on here - they look so dry. The sausages look undercooked. Did they forget to turn them? Everything else looks like yesterday’s leftovers reheated. I’d eat the HP.

[mattyq]

3 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

Rubbish. All beans are shite but those are probably the worse I’ve seen on here - they look so dry. The sausages look undercooked. Did they forget to turn them? Everything else looks like yesterday’s leftovers reheated. I’d eat the HP.

My only complaint was the lack of mushies

I didn't like the look of the bacon to begin with but it tasted good

The sausages, I think, were done in the oven so lacked a bit of colour but they were tasty

[Tony Moanero]

1 minute ago, mattyq said:

My only complaint was the lack of mushies

I didn't like the look of the bacon to begin with but it tasted good

The sausages, I think, were done in the oven so lacked a bit of colour but they were tasty

How long ago did you eat it? I wouldn’t be surprised if those sausages gave you the wild ones.

[mattyq]

Last week

No digestive issues to report

[Anubis]

Those aren’t beans. They’re hamster droppings in tomato sauce.

[mattyq]

2 minutes ago, Anubis said:

Those aren’t beans. They’re hamster droppings in tomato sauce.

They were tasty

Hamster droppings in a tomato sauce with onion, peppers and chilli

I almost licked the bowl clean

[TheHowieLama]

26 minutes ago, mattyq said:

 

Hamster droppings in a tomato sauce with onion, peppers and chilli

I almost licked the bowl clean

TBH that sounds better than lukewarm tinned beans

[Bjornebye]

3 hours ago, mattyq said:

Babushkas in Portrush... lovely little place overlooking the beach

It was £8 with tea

Delicious even the beans - they were homemade and spicy

Bacon very good as were the sausages, potato bread and something called Fadge which is a type of bread, apparently

Waitress top quality

 

 

 

The sausages don't look the worst but I'd want mine to have another minute or two cooking.

The tomato looks fine, where is the other half of it? 

The breads look fine. Fadge? Hahahaha I hope you giggled like a naughty school-kid when you ordered 'fadge'. 

 

Ok here is where you have fucked everything up for yourself. 

 

One sad looking egg that has been part folded. Its depressing just looking at it. 

The bacon (and I genuinely mean this) looks like it has been pulled out of someones arse and not the hot waitresses tight little scented poop-hole either. Some big lager swilling chain-smoking Brexit hairy Typhoon (WWF) looking motherfucker. 

It looks like they decided just for a laugh to feed a relatively large Rabbit some orange food die which has upset the poor things tummy. they have then collected its droppings and squirts and put it in a tin on your plate. 

The plate is hanging off the edge of the table which reflects my mood just looking at it. Teetering on the brink. 

I'm tempted to neg you for not getting a picture of the waitress. When she served it did she go:

 

"All yours, Babooshka Babooshka, babooshka ya ya!" while doing this dance? 

 

 

Nope. I bet she didn't the selfish witch. If someone served me that bacon (Kate Bush or not) I'd throw the plate at them and jump out of the window and just run. And run. And run. 

 

0/10. 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

21 hours ago, viRdjil said:

Bacon was cooked to perfection. They would’ve done it on low heat I reckon. It’s an interesting take.

Still cannot fathom if you’re a quirky comedic genius or just a bad bad beaut.

Even after all these years. No offence me old mucker!

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Matty’s egg looks like a triangle. Illuminati.

[Bjornebye]

I'm keen to hear from Matty about why the plate was hanging off the table... 

[mattyq]

7 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

I'm keen to hear from Matty about why the plate was hanging off the table... 

Looking at the picture it does seem like the plate was hanging off the table

I can assure interested interested persons that this was not the case

Admittedly, I made a grave and serious error by the absence of keys and/or conkers which would have, once and for all, proved the location of the plate re the table

[Pidge]

3 hours ago, TK421 said:

Brown sauce cunt.

Can't back the brown sauce on egg decision, but in general brown sauce is the natural choice. The only choice.

[Pureblood]

2 minutes ago, Pidge said:

Can't back the brown sauce on egg decision, but in general brown sauce is the natural choice. The only choice.

No sauce.  The meat should have natural moisture content and the egg yolk takes care of the rest. 

[mattyq]

16 minutes ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

Matty’s egg looks like a triangle. Illuminati.

It's a sign!

 

[Captain Turdseye]

2 minutes ago, TK421 said:

No sauce.  The meat should have natural moisture content and the egg yolk and a hearty spoonful of Heinz finest BAKED BEANS takes care of the rest. 

 

Correct. 

 

Brown sauce on a bacon butty = Good

Brown sauce on every bit of your breakfast = Not so good 

[Tony Moanero]

Sauce on the side of plate for the occasional dip.

[TheHowieLama]

Or just dump the beans, which are more often than not served in a ramekin - for good reason - and put the sauce in that.

[Bjornebye]

[cloggypop]

No wonder he's such a cunt if he's full of that. 

[TheHowieLama]

Hot dogs?

Scrambled??

 

Would be a treat if Harry Morgan was actually related to Piers.

 

 

 

[Dougie Do'ins]

What's that between the egg & beans ?

 

Is this national cunt of a breakfast week ?

[mattyq]

Jesus, he's such a cunt

[Bjornebye]

3 minutes ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

What's that between the egg & beans ?

 

Is this national cunt of a breakfast week ?

Looks like a KFC that. The fat cunt. 

 

 

This is the ilk you bean eating paedophiles rub shoulders with. You should be ashamed. 

[cloggypop]

The thought of Piers Morgan having to eat that has cheered me right up to be fair.