Things you've said at job interviews....

[Oh Buoy]

4 minutes ago, SlugTrail said:

Had an interview a month ago, both those questions came up.

 

The colleague one completely confused me. Genuinely didn't really have a response other than "If I could mind-read..." 

 

1 minute ago, Remmie said:

Do you reckon the 2nd one should be answered with how you could have done it better or you could get away with I could have just fucked it off but I made the effort because I'm a fucking hero type answer? 

 

Just answer with "Now is a perfect example, I could call you a complete jobsworth cunt who doesn't know how to interview but instead I'll play along and call you a cunt later because I'm a fucking hero." 

[Lee909]

I tend to find not having much competition to be a good thing. That or not leaving my job. Been in the same job since 2003 and so long as they keep paying me I doubt I'll leave. Couldn't care about ambition etc. 

 

The candidates when I went for the job

Me

African with terrible English 

The other guy never turned up. 

 

Luckily the site manager had told out bosses they wanted some younger security as it was nearly all miserable old fuckers, otherwise I would likely have lost out to the non English speaking African. 

[lifetime fan]

At interview for my current job I was asked;

 

Are you a member of a website that could cause embarrassment to the organisation? 

 

I of course lied like fuck. 

[VladimirIlyich]

2 hours ago, chevettehs said:

 

Along with everyone else responsible for the recruitment agency and HR related bullshit that exists now.

 

Them and all of the estate agents.

 

Also, what is your biggest weakness is the shittest question ever asked and highlights an interviewer who hasn't got a fucking clue. From the same shit interviewer playbook as why do you want this job?

My biggest weakness is me pushing the boundaries of my in work danger wanks.

[General Dryness]

2 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

At interview for my current job I was asked;

 

Are you a member of a website that could cause embarrassment to the organisation? 

 

I of course lied like fuck. 

Yeah, tell them about analprolapses.com but for fucks sake don't mention this place. 

[SlugTrail]

4 hours ago, foam said:

 

The colleague one completely confused me. Genuinely didn't really have a response other than "If I could mind-read..." 

 

 

Just answer with "Now is a perfect example, I could call you a complete jobsworth cunt who doesn't know how to interview but instead I'll play along and call you a cunt later because I'm a fucking hero." 

I just said they would say  I was hard working, dedicated, methodical, a bit cheeky and depending on which member of staff either a good or terrible sense of humour.

[SlugTrail]

3 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

At interview for my current job I was asked;

 

Are you a member of a website that could cause embarrassment to the organisation? 

 

I of course lied like fuck. 

Yea I heard you were signed up it G.O.T.

[Evelyn Tentions]

What is your weak point  : I have a very low tolerance for jargon laced management terminology.

[3 Stacks]

As has been said, "what is your biggest weakness?" is the biggest sack of shit interview question out there. As if anyone will be truthful in answering that.

 

"I'm too good at work and colleagues get jealous of me". "My business attire is so nice I get all the women in the office wet and distracted". "I'm so easy going I let guys on my work team sleep with my wife, which affects my personal life". 

[Captain Turdseye]

3 hours ago, SlugTrail said:

I just said they would say  I was hard working, dedicated, methodical, a bit cheeky and depending on which member of staff either a good or terrible sense of humour.

 

When can you start?

[Bjornebye]

 

[Dr Nowt]

Turned up straight from a night out, honking, bleeding and coughing like I had tuberculosis.

 

Asked me what attracted me to getting back into banking and I said I was looking to get straight back out of it again, ideally.

 

Asked me where I saw myself in a year and I said teaching English abroad.

 

Asked me where I saw myself

in 5 years and a torrent of unfiltered existential angst just poured out for about 3 or 4 minutes, until he finally gently put up his hand mid-sentence.

 

Got the job, but insisted on being moved to a different team paying hundreds less a week within one month, as the fat fucking mess training me only waddled in for the first time on my second week. He was little more than a succession of odd comedy voices and twitches, with his own private raincloud following him around the room.

 

In his opening gambit he told me he had IBS and I had no conception what it was like living with a chronic condition and should thank my lucky stars that was the case, then cracked open some wheat crunchies and a can of Red Bull for his breakfast. 

 

He came in the next day with a Travis Bickle mohican, had eyebrows all over his cheeks and later sold me some weed with his PlayStation controller still in hand and his 3 kids shouting at him from their sitting room.

 

Fair to say the role in question wasn’t graduate scheme material.

 

 

[lifetime fan]

Had an interview this afternoon for a Clinical Ward Lead post. 

 

Was asked ‘where do you see yourself in 5 years’? 

 

Resisted saying, doing your job but doing it fucking competently. 

 

Find out tomorrow morning. 

[VladimirIlyich]

15 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

Had an interview this afternoon for a Clinical Ward Lead post. 

 

Was asked ‘where do you see yourself in 5 years’? 

 

Resisted saying, doing your job but doing it fucking competently. 

 

Find out tomorrow morning. 

You can say it tomorrow morning then.

[lifetime fan]

Got it. 

[VladimirIlyich]

15 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

Got it. 

Nice one. We better cancel telling them what you think of them for a while longer then.

I hope they have cook there too or else they may regret giving you the job.

[Mook]

On 2/10/2019 at 2:12 PM, Mook said:

I've got an interview on Tuesday.

 

They've said it's competency based so I look forward to making an almighty cunt of it. 

 

Honestly, the person who invented competency based questions should be sent back in time & drowned at birth.

I only fucking got it.

[Remmie]

Repped, got one tomorrow. Applied for it a month ago, it's with the council so you have to use their application system and now cannot track the duties and responsibilities. Also can't wait for them to ask me what I know about the council, err you take my rubbish and charge me fuck loads of tax? 

[Jose Jones]

3 hours ago, Mook said:

I only fucking got it.

New boss?

[Mook]

20 minutes ago, Jose Jones said:

New boss?

Hopefully not the same as the old boss.

[Jose Jones]

8 minutes ago, Mook said:

Hopefully not the same as the old boss.

Yeeeeaaaaahhh!

[Dr Nowt]

4 hours ago, Mook said:

I only fucking got it.

Well in mate.

[Harry Squatter]

Some lad on my team was applying for jobs absolutely everywhere and got about 30 rejections before getting an interview in the DWP. He barely even remembered the specific job and turned up for the interview after getting the minimum passmark.

 

At the interview he was told he would be line manager for 22 staff and had overall responsibility for 58 staff. He just leant forward and went "excuse me???". The interviewers said it again and asked him another question but he turned round and got his coat and put it on. They asked him what he was doing and he just got up and said "sorry, but I'd rather manage a box of frogs" and just went to the pub. 

[Ginny]

Some lad in work went for a interview the other day and the last question was : how would you weigh you head? 

[Jose Jones]

25 minutes ago, Ginny said:

Some lad in work went for a interview the other day and the last question was : how would you weigh you head? 

That’s quality, I approve of that kind of question.