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Kerry Katona did porn??? (NSFW, obviously)

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In 1998, when Katona embarrassingly mimed her way round Anfield, it’s an absolute yes. 
 

Blonde hair, above average looks, tight-ish body, huge cans.....what’s not to like?

 

Fast forward  5/10 years and it’s an absolute no and the no gets firmer with every passing year.

 

Unless you treat it as a Paula Yates type hilarious dirty milf hate fuck, then it’s probably acceptable. 

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To even consider Katona as shag-worthy goes a long way towards explaining why people have actually had to be told to wash their hands these past couple of months.

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34 minutes ago, Trumo said:

To even consider Katona as shag-worthy goes a long way towards explaining why people have actually had to be told to wash their hands these past couple of months.

She's one of those women you'd pull in a rough establishment like Brannigans or Chicago Rock when you were a young lad and had watched too much porn, go back to hers and bum her, be horrified at the smells and sights and feel instantly depressed that it wasn't like the movies. Then in the morning you'd hear her shouting at her kid and realise her room was actually quite dirty, you'd exchange numbers mainly because you're a bit scared about her kicking off, get a taxi home, go to bed and watch the Wire with a brew and some toast, delete all future texts and have a month off drinking.

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1 hour ago, Section_31 said:

She's one of those women you'd pull in a rough establishment like Brannigans or Chicago Rock when you were a young lad and had watched too much porn, go back to hers and bum her, be horrified at the smells and sights and feel instantly depressed that it wasn't like the movies. Then in the morning you'd hear her shouting at her kid and realise her room was actually quite dirty, you'd exchange numbers mainly because you're a bit scared about her kicking off, get a taxi home, go to bed and watch the Wire with a brew and some toast, delete all future texts and have a month off drinking.

Aaahhhh. They really were the days. 

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2 hours ago, Section_31 said:

She's one of those women you'd pull in a rough establishment like Brannigans or Chicago Rock when you were a young lad and had watched too much porn, go back to hers and bum her, be horrified at the smells and sights and feel instantly depressed that it wasn't like the movies. Then in the morning you'd hear her shouting at her kid and realise her room was actually quite dirty, you'd exchange numbers mainly because you're a bit scared about her kicking off, get a taxi home, go to bed and watch the Wire with a brew and some toast, delete all future texts and have a month off drinking.

That seems unusually specific?

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2 hours ago, Section_31 said:

She's one of those women you'd pull in a rough establishment like Brannigans or Chicago Rock when you were a young lad and had watched too much porn, go back to hers and bum her, be horrified at the smells and sights and feel instantly depressed that it wasn't like the movies. Then in the morning you'd hear her shouting at her kid and realise her room was actually quite dirty, you'd exchange numbers mainly because you're a bit scared about her kicking off, get a taxi home, go to bed and watch the Wire with a brew and some toast, delete all future texts and have a month off drinking.

That’s beautiful. 
 

There’d always be an ex who was a bouncer. Not the dog. 

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2 hours ago, Section_31 said:

She's one of those women you'd pull in a rough establishment like Brannigans or Chicago Rock when you were a young lad and had watched too much porn, go back to hers and bum her, be horrified at the smells and sights and feel instantly depressed that it wasn't like the movies. Then in the morning you'd hear her shouting at her kid and realise her room was actually quite dirty, you'd exchange numbers mainly because you're a bit scared about her kicking off, get a taxi home, go to bed and watch the Wire with a brew and some toast, delete all future texts and have a month off drinking.

Halcyon days 

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11 minutes ago, Qwikage said:

That seems unusually specific?

She was from Leigh and only had three toes on each foot, I never even noticed until the next day. She had a dildo under her bed the size of my arm and when I was leaving she said her mum (who lived at the back of her) had been asking about me. Lads have killed themselves for far less.

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9 hours ago, Section_31 said:

She's one of those women you'd pull in a rough establishment like Brannigans or Chicago Rock when you were a young lad and had watched too much porn, go back to hers and bum her, be horrified at the smells and sights and feel instantly depressed that it wasn't like the movies. Then in the morning you'd hear her shouting at her kid and realise her room was actually quite dirty, you'd exchange numbers mainly because you're a bit scared about her kicking off, get a taxi home, go to bed and watch the Wire with a brew and some toast, delete all future texts and have a month off drinking.

But you still would though, right? 

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13 hours ago, Scott_M said:

In 1998, when Katona embarrassingly mimed her way round Anfield, it’s an absolute yes. 
 

Blonde hair, above average looks, tight-ish body, huge cans.....what’s not to like?

 

Fast forward  5/10 years and it’s an absolute no and the no gets firmer with every passing year.

 

Unless you treat it as a Paula Yates type hilarious dirty milf hate fuck, then it’s probably acceptable. 

I was at that game, Sheff Wed wasn't it?

 

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If you had no idea who she was and just saw pictures 1, 3 and 5 from them then you'd ride it like an episode of Rawhide 

 

These are the facts of the case. They can not be disputed. 

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13 hours ago, Section_31 said:

She was from Leigh and only had three toes on each foot, I never even noticed until the next day. She had a dildo under her bed the size of my arm and when I was leaving she said her mum (who lived at the back of her) had been asking about me. Lads have killed themselves for far less.

was her name Carmel by any chance?

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15 hours ago, Section_31 said:

She's one of those women you'd pull in a rough establishment like Brannigans or Chicago Rock when you were a young lad and had watched too much porn, go back to hers and bum her, be horrified at the smells and sights and feel instantly depressed that it wasn't like the movies. Then in the morning you'd hear her shouting at her kid and realise her room was actually quite dirty, you'd exchange numbers mainly because you're a bit scared about her kicking off, get a taxi home, go to bed and watch the Wire with a brew and some toast, delete all future texts and have a month off drinking.


Mine was called Julie.

 

The point where her son knocked on the door and asked ‘who’s in there mum’ to which She replied ‘fuck off Tyler, this is mummy time’ might have been the lowest of a lot of lowest moments from our night together.

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17 hours ago, Section_31 said:

She was from Leigh and only had three toes on each foot, I never even noticed until the next day. She had a dildo under her bed the size of my arm and when I was leaving she said her mum (who lived at the back of her) had been asking about me. Lads have killed themselves for far less.

A similar experience: North East coast of Scotland mid eighties, out with the lads and managed to persuade a female barely on the right side of being legally responsible for her actions through drink, to take me back to her parents place.

Lights off in the living room in order not to wake the parents , got the desired outcome and noted to self that i was fucking good at this sex thing as she was on the more extreme ends of moistness. Left soon thereafter.

Turns out I am not as good as I thought I was as she had taken her period mid coitus and deposited it all over her Mums 3 day old beige velour couch.

Her Mum was asking about me too.

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3 minutes ago, Qwikage said:

A similar experience: North East coast of Scotland mid eighties, out with the lads and managed to persuade a female barely on the right side of being legally responsible for her actions through drink, to take me back to her parents place.

Lights off in the living room in order not to wake the parents , got the desired outcome and noted to self that i was fucking good at this sex thing as she was on the more extreme ends of moistness. Left soon thereafter.

Turns out I am not as good as I thought I was as she had taken her period mid coitus and deposited it all over her Mums 3 day old beige velour couch.

Her Mum was asking about me too.

 

2B22E6F1-245A-440E-9512-2013A9F84225.jpeg

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21 hours ago, Section_31 said:

She's one of those women you'd pull in a rough establishment like Brannigans or Chicago Rock when you were a young lad and had watched too much porn, go back to hers and bum her, be horrified at the smells and sights and feel instantly depressed that it wasn't like the movies. Then in the morning you'd hear her shouting at her kid and realise her room was actually quite dirty, you'd exchange numbers mainly because you're a bit scared about her kicking off, get a taxi home, go to bed and watch the Wire with a brew and some toast, delete all future texts and have a month off drinking.

Sounds like you have done this before.

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