How do you wipe?

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

other. with my kaks at work, but at home on the ranch anything goes...

[Nick Leeson]

I wrap my thumb round the first sheet then rotate my hand for a good 40 revolutions to bandage my arm all the way up to my elbow in toilet paper so thick that i look like one of those police dog trainers.

 

I do one wipe with that then repeat the process until I'm either satisfied it's clean, there's no toilet roll left or so mch roll has gone down the bog that i can feel it touching my arse.

 

Once that's done I pull the flush and walk out the room without ever looking back.

[kingkenny78]

Alls I know is, these days, if I'm going out for a curry I stick a bog-roll in the fridge beforehand. Just to be on the safe side like. Ring of Fire means more to me than just a song I can ass-ure you.

 

A secondary question to this thread might be: what do you when faced with the absolute fuckin HORROR of discovering there's no toilet paper to hand post-shit ?

[Salou]

Get a bidet.

[Jennings]

Always scrunch a big length of bogroll.

 

Mine are such amazingly large bog monsters, they rise up in anger when I flush the chain.

Sometimes I have to get a bucket of water to dispose of it properly.

Nasty buggers.

[She Knows It]

It wholly depends upon the consistency of the poo.

[Nick Leeson]

When my ship comes in I'm going to hire a midget with a karcher to live in my bathroom. Out of there as quick as you like I'll be.

[She Knows It]

When my ship comes in I'm going to hire a midget with a karcher to live in my bathroom. Out of there as quick as you like I'll be.

 

I dunno about a midget. It'd have to be a Borrower to not tower over your backside.

[Acid]

I fold, but the amount varies. First time its usually 4-8 sheets folded so its just 1 piled up, then the 2nd wipe I go for less than four sheets folded into one as its just a quick check i didnt miss any.

[Nick Leeson]

And it'd take a tsunami rather than a karcher to clean yours.

[L.F.C]

Folding bogroll is for gays.

[melons]

Folding bogroll is for gays.

 

says the man who doesn't mind having shit on his fingers.

[Ian Sea]

To make sure the single layer doesn't break when you wipe, and so you don't get shitty fingers.

 

Unless, you like your fingers to smell of poo poo.

 

A scrunched ball provides adequete protection from poke through in my experience.

 

I'll try folding next time though but if I get shit on my fingers some people are getting negged.

[JohnnyH]

I insert a speculum prior to shitting and it just falls out without touching the sides, so no wiping needed.

[Faustus]

Twice. Three times if I find I'm desparately running short of bog roll.

[Duff Man]

Two sheets, no fold.

[Remmie]

Personally I prefer to use the 3 shells.

 

I'm looking into female salad tossing. Sounds cheaper than paying for bog roll.

Love the clarification of "female" in this post. Monty has been here too long.

 

Twice, no one wants to be shit-fingered.

What a quandry: is it worse to be a piss fingers or a skidfingers?

 

I wrap my thumb round the first sheet then rotate my hand for a good 40 revolutions to bandage my arm all the way up to my elbow in toilet paper so thick that i look like one of those police dog trainers.

 

I do one wipe with that then repeat the process until I'm either satisfied it's clean, there's no toilet roll left or so mch roll has gone down the bog that i can feel it touching my arse.

 

Once that's done I pull the flush and walk out the room without ever looking back.

Outstanding.

 

Two sheets, no fold.

This man is a maverick and finder of lost children.

[dirty_sanchez]

Shitfingers is much worse than pissfingers. Piss washes off with a small bit of water and soap. If you go through the bog roll, you've got to scrape poo out from under your nail.

[Guido]

Attention 'scrunchers'. Here is your route to true happiness and fulfillment.

 

Step 1: 5 sheets (still joined but folded so that they are 1 sheet in surface area and 5 sheets thick). Wipe down. Fold. Wipe down. Drop.

 

Step 2: 4 sheets. Wipe up. Fold. Wipe down. Drop.

 

Repeat Step 2 if further cleansing is necessary.

[Bjornebye]

 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Left to right.

 

If it's good enough for my windscreen, it's good enough for my nipsy.

[Harry's Lad]

Three sheets. One to wipe up, one to wipe down and one to polish.

 

I meant rolls not sheets.

[lifetime fan]

4 sheets folded in 2 and then wet wipes. 
 

With IBS you can never be too careful. 

[Chip Butty]

The million dollar question is - what hand do you wipe your arse with. See. 

[VladimirIlyich]

4 hours ago, Chip Butty said:

The million dollar question is - what hand do you wipe your arse with. See. 

Neither. I use toilet roll. You deviant.