Valentines day tips

[greenoak]

V D on a Sat.

 

Do nothing and blame the credit crunch.

 

as I just got dumped by text I just saved a nice wedge....

[stringvest]

i would book a table, now as it will fill up.

before you leave put candles in your bathroom and bedroom and a lighter.

when you get back ask her to get you a drink, do something for you.

run upstairs and light the candles.

share a bath.

while she is getting dry go and light the candles in the bedroom.

 

she'll ride you like a jockey all night.

 

also, make sure your room is tidy. that helps.

 

Gird your loins, ladies, Julio Iglesias is in town....

[stringvest]

Actually I don't know why I asked you assholes what tips you have, I'm very particular about what I consider cool and not cheesy, romantic and not pathetic.

 

Actually I'd give you douches a tip for a cheap and considerate gift- Buy hand made paper with flower petals pressed in and fold origami lillies. Takes about 5 minutes to do if you folow the instructions on youtube (10 minutes if you are a perfectionist like me) you'll stretch knicker elastic at 15 paces.

 

The last thing I intend to do is go out for a meal so I can be like all the other identikit, generic, unimaginative couples on Valentines day.

 

...and Tony Hart

[stringvest]

I booked a table for me and the missus last year. Wasn't good though, got to 9 o'clock and she hadn't potted a thing.

 

give it a rest

[stringvest]

.

[Liverpool lad]

Fuck me, I am the only single one out of the lads this year, so I am going to have to find something to do.

 

I remember the stress of being in a relationship were 2 weeks before my ex would get a cob on and say I don't want to do anything, then 5 days before changes her mind, then whinges she doesn't like the plans, fucking dopey arse.

[Anubis]

I wish I could say the same.

 

The missus, while being fairly intelligent normally, has devoured all the propaganda regarding valentines day over the years, and is expecting nothing less than weekend in Paris with all the trimmings.

 

On the plus side, it frees you up for a night out with your mates while she's in Paris!

[Stouffer]

I'm going to increase my sexiness output.

 

Damn, what a 125% sexy bastard.

[Anubis]

Can the world take that Stouff? It may be like looking directly at God - it'll turn you blind or something.

[neko]

I Wish I'd Spent Valentine's Day Eating A Prix Fixe Dinner, But I Was Too Busy Getting Beheaded

 

By St. Valentine (from theonion.com)

 

Is it Valentine's Day already? My word! How the time does fly. I might have missed the day entirely had I not caught a glimpse of all the young couples walking hand in hand this evening, filling the tables of every fancy French restaurant in town. And what better way to celebrate this fine holiday than sharing a scrumptious, fixed price, three-course menu with your beloved? Lord knows that's what I'd be doing tonight if my head hadn't been severed from my body in the third century!

 

I'm sorry. I hope all this talk about my gruesome martyrdom doesn't put you off your moules du jour.

 

On this special day for lovers young and old, few things can top a gourmet meal served by candlelight on small, tasteful plates. It's much more intimate than cards or candy, and it certainly beats meeting a grizzly end at the hands of the Church's enemies. So by all means, enjoy your duck confit and chocolate mousse while you stare into the eyes of the person you love. What a romantic way to celebrate the 1,739th anniversary of the day I was bludgeoned to within an inch of my life and then publicly executed!

 

Go on, have another bite. Savor it.

 

I bet some of you are on your very first date. Lucky you! The moon is full, and the night seems ripe for romance. Also, I notice you all still have your heads attached to your shoulders. Bravo. I wouldn't be surprised if a few of you little devils snuck out before the last course to do some midnight kissing by the lake. Just don't forget to settle your tab before you go—you wouldn't want to get caught by a police officer or a servant of Claudius II during a time when minor offenses were settled by violent beheadings!

 

Then how would you enjoy your after-dinner digestif?

 

Yes, if things had gone a bit differently, I'm sure I would have loved to spend the first Valentine's Day sampling a variety of goat cheese and wine pairings, but alas, I was a little preoccupied by the severing of my spinal cord, which caused my brain-spattered skull to go bouncing down the streets of Rome. Ooh, lobster ravioli, how grand! You simply must try the lobster ravioli, seeing as how you're still alive and not just a bloodied stump of a torso on legs.

 

My, my, just looking at all those delicious appetizers and delicately seasoned entrées is enough to make me wish I had never been convicted of marrying Christian couples in the early days of the Roman empire, beaten with clubs, stoned, and fed a pan seared sea bass with stuffed artichoke hearts. Oh, wait. That last part wasn't me! That's just how you've chosen to commemorate my painful, unnecessary death. Please, everyone, have another round on me.

 

Why not try the '97 Bordeaux? I love a good Bordeaux. That's what I would order on a day as special as Valentine's Day or, as I like to call it, "St. Valentine Gets His Ass Handed to Him Day."

 

I knew the people who killed me, you know. They were the corrupt guards of Emperor Claudius, and they snatched me from my home in the middle of the night. I was dragged through the streets, my legs and arms torn to ribbons by the glass and stones my neighbors hurled at me. I was propped up in the center of town and made to look the fool while large men took turns violently beating me with anything they could find as I slipped in and out of consciousness. I can still hear them laughing.

 

How rude of me! Blabbering on about myself when this is clearly your special day. Where's my head? Oh, here it is. In my hands. Because it was chopped off by savages who wished to punish me for practicing my faith. That's how I celebrated Valentine's Day—also known as the Feast of St. Valentine, who just so happens to be me. A man who had nothing to do with going out and making goo-goo eyes over an overpriced steak.

 

After all, it's a little hard for the man of the hour to eat a steak when his mouth is no longer attached to his esophagus.

 

And what's all this I hear about Valentine's Day getting too commercial? Oh, so just now it's becoming a little superficial for you? I wish you could have seen the second Valentine's Day in A.D. 271, the year after I died. There weren't a whole lot of chocolates or overpriced cruise packages to be found back then. Mostly just my mother crying.

 

Well, anyway, Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Go forth and have fun! Gorge yourselves on succulent meats, put on a Nick Drake CD to drown out the bloodthirsty howls of the hateful who clamor for your execution, and—please, I insist—engage in hour upon hour of the kind of passionate, unbridled intercourse that I never experienced because I took a vow of celibacy.

 

Jerks.

[Anubis]

I pulled this from a site where a girl called Sarah is sharing her past Valentines Day disasters. If it's true, then this guy deserves a medal for services to Valentines Day...

 

Jonathan

 

Location: Sacramento, CA? Possibly deceased or incarcerated.

Current Age: 28

Dated for: 11 months

Year: 2002

 

How does one describe Jonathan? Drunk? Portly? Violent? Perhaps the modern day equivalent of John Belushi in Animal House? The good thing is that he never behaved well, so Sarah wasn’t expecting much on their first Valentine’s Day together.

 

She made things easy on him by organizing a group date with two other couples at a semi-fancy restaurant. The girls all arrived together to find their gentleman callers sitting at the bar. They each had a cocktail, but Jonathan was the only one who was hunched over the bar, visibly shit-faced and leering at another women’s hooters.

 

The three young men walked up to greet their ladies. The other girls’ boyfriends each handed them a lovely bouquet of roses; Jonathan however, lumbered up to Sarah empty-handed, slapped her on the back and hollered, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Fatty!” so loudly that the restaurant fell silent. The irony of this remark was that Jonathan happened to be pushing three bills and his gut trembled as he slapped Sarah's back. The group pretended not to notice this awkward scene and hurried to the table.

 

Everyone had a nice dinner until the bill came. The other two men each put down their portion and their girlfriend's portion of the bill.

Jonathan nudged Sarah and bellowed, “Pay up, Pork Rhine. You owe sixty dollars.” Sarah didn’t have the money so she walked seven blocks in the pouring rain

to find an ATM. She returned soaking wet quite a while later and shamefully placed her money on the table.

 

From there they went bar hopping, and when everyone was good and squiffy, Jonathan stole flowers from a street vendor who chased them down the street shrieking Arabic threats.

 

*Sarah would like it to be noted that Jonathan's poor behavior cannot be blamed on booze, as his conduct was just as atrocious while sober.

[Karl_b]

Why the fuck aren't women expected to treat men on Valentines Day.

 

Anyway, my tip, although not likely to help Don Remmie, is to move to a different city and 'have uni work to do' on Valentines weekend.

 

Bonza.

[Thants]

Just found a pub to celebrate my mates birthday which isn't doing any valentines stuff, excellent. My lady has a gig then will join me later around 12 by which time I'll be trollied.

[gazelle]

My tip is to be single. Im going to a party which hopefully wont be full of love sick couples smougling all over each other. I plan on finding the fittest single bloke in there and making him mine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

for the evening.

[Tom R]

My mrs is gutted that we got knocked out the cup as she was looking forward to watching the match with me and getting pissed on Valentines day.

 

What you all actually need is my Mrs.

[gazelle]

your alright thanks!

[RJ Fan club]

Decided to do a lunch this year, then going for a walk on the Downs. We will then join a load of mates and get plastered in the evening.

 

Damn sight better than spending the evening in a restaurant surrounded with a load of couples/mugs dying to stab each other in the eye with their forks, putting on a massive pretence that they still show a glimmer of love or that she is not dying inside because the only reservation left was a Pizza Express.

 

If you are a love machine like me, you display that shit every day and don't need to make a special effort once a year and get shafted for three times the price of a meal than you would ordinarily pay in the process.

[dennis tooth]

Fuck it.

[loadsoftrophies]

We're having a right session this weekend, first we're going to Neville Staples(former lead singer of The Specials) and on Saturday we're heading into see the romantic air filled room of a Joydivision cover band called Transmission.

 

Sexytime.

[Liverpool lad]

Why the fuck aren't women expected to treat men on Valentines Day.

 

Anyway, my tip, although not likely to help Don Remmie, is to move to a different city and 'have uni work to do' on Valentines weekend.

 

Bonza.

 

Good point well made. They do like to bang on about equality, but shit themselves when it is offered to them.

 

Decided to do a lunch this year, then going for a walk on the Downs. We will then join a load of mates and get plastered in the evening.

 

Damn sight better than spending the evening in a restaurant surrounded with a load of couples/mugs dying to stab each other in the eye with their forks, putting on a massive pretence that they still show a glimmer of love or that she is not dying inside because the only reservation left was a Pizza Express.

 

If you are a love machine like me, you display that shit every day and don't need to make a special effort once a year and get shafted for three times the price of a meal than you would ordinarily pay in the process.

 

Spot on again. Although I find that if you do nice things for girls outside of special occasions, they automatically think you have done something wrong or you are after something. Their little brains struggle to cope with it.

 

I hate the falseness of it as well. I don't know one lad who is looking forward to it, they lack enthusiasm when they are telling you about it and the real motive is that they want really rude sex with their girlfriends.

 

I read the Echo yesterday and it was asking bints in the city centre what they want this weekend. The basic response could be boiled down to 'I just want loads of money spent on me so I can boast to others'.

[neko]

i've sent the wife skiing in whistler for the weekend with my relatives visiting from england.

 

while she is gone, i'll be tiling the floors and generally getting shit done without being nagged....oh, and i'll get very drunk i'm sure.

 

it's the best of both worlds.

[melons]

Hallmark money making quip. tis all bollox.

 

My ex spent our first (and best) valentine's day on a barnes coach to Southampton, it wasn't worth the trip if i remember correctly. Him and my cousin did get a lift back from Ormskirk by the coppers that he enjoyed telling me about.

[bri]

swansea fulham midday

france ireland at 4

england wales at 5.30

 

what more could a woman want

[Guest ShoePiss]

This is the first year I've put effort into v day, previous years have just been a card and flowers and last year I was on a plane going home to watch us stuff Inter Milan so didn't do anything at all.

 

Here's what I'm doing, nothing original or 'cool' but I suppose for me it's a big deal.

 

Flowers delivered to her work on Friday

Sexy underwear from victoria's secret

Dinner at a fancy restaurant where we had our first date

Framed photos of her with her mates and one heart shaped of me and her

Her favourite chocolates

A mix cd containing some of her's and my favourite songs plus some sloppy cheesy ones too :-

 

Count On My Love Liz Phair

Sally Cinnamon The Stone Roses

You Are The Sunshine Of My Life Stevie Wonder

Fade Together Franz Ferdinand

My Love (Feat. T.I.) Justin Timberlake

When I First Saw You (Duet) Jamie Foxx & Beyoncé Knowles

Be My Baby The Ronettes

All I Do (is think about you) Stevie Wonder

Love Song The Cure

Fell In Love With A Girl The White Stripes

Teardrop Massive Attack

Railroad The Zutons

I Will Follow You Into The Dark Death Cab For Cutie

Good Love Never Dies Liz Phair

 

Thinking about making a cd inlay with the lyrics etc

[melons]

bloody hell, planning birthday's and christmas' to top that isnt going to be easy.