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On 02/12/2021 at 19:11, Clem H Fandango said:

My great Grandad was a soldier in WW1 who survived mustard-gas and pepper-spray attacks.

 

He was a seasoned veteran.

My great grandad served as the regimental Christmas tree.

 

He never saw action, but he was highly decorated.

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The John O' Groats football team's manager and coach driver has resigned after their heavy defeat in a friendly away at Land's End. When asked why, he said he'd taken them as far as he could.

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An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their sons.


"My son was born on St George's Day," commented the English man. "So we obviously decided to call him George."


"That's a real coincidence," remarked the Scot. "My son was born on St Andrew's Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew."


"That's incredible, what a coincidence, "said the Irishman. "Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake".

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I received a phone call from a gorgeous
ex-girlfriend this morning who called 
'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild,
romantic times we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be
interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'old magic'.  Wow!' I was flabbergasted.
'I don't know if I could keep pace with you now',
I said, 'I'm a bit older, a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have.'
She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to the challenge'.
Yeah.' I said. 'Just so long as you don't mind a
waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging; my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!'
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.
She teased me saying that tubby, gray haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.
Anyway, she giggled and said, 'I've put on a few
pounds myself!'

 

So I told her to fuck off.

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