Jump to content

Recommended Posts

8 minutes ago, Clem H Fandango said:

A solar panel is talking to a wind turbine. The solar panel says, "So what do you think about this whole renewable energy thing?"

The turbine replies, "I'm a big fan!"

Solar panel "I'm not a big fan myself"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Man marries a deaf girl and he writes a note for her to read 

" We must work out a code for our love life"

" If i want sex I'll stroke your left breast, you reply by pulling my penis once for YES or 150 times for No"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

saw a strange looking cat in the pet shop window.


Next to it, a sign read, ‘Rare cross breed cat. Imported from Holland.’


Obviously I had to get more information before I’d consider buying it, so I went inside and asked the manager.


“How Dutch is that moggie in the window..?”….

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'
 
 The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.
 
 The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.
 
 The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
 
 The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the  pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the  Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
 
 The next night, the pub is packed.
 
 In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
 
 The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and  toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.
 
 The next night there is standing room only in the pub.
 
 Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.
 
 The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year
 
 In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
 
 The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties.'
 
 The rabbit looks aghast.
 
 The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says,
 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.
 
 The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'
 
 The crowd's bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.
 
 The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'
 
 'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'
 
 The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.
 
 He then waves to the crowd and leaves....
 
 NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!
 
 One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who  has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.
 
 When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.
 
 The barman says, 'Who are you?
 
 To which he is answered,
 'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'
 
 The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.
 
 You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and  Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'
 
 The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'
 
 The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham  and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'
 
 The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.'
 
 The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'
 
 'I DIED', said the rabbit.
 
 'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'
 
 After a short pause, the rabbit said ...
 
 'Mixin-me-toasties.

  • Upvote 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub. But, it's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house. 

 

That time difference is staggering. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 01/08/2021 at 21:21, Stouffer said:

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'
 
 The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.
 
 The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.
 
 The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
 
 The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the  pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the  Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
 
 The next night, the pub is packed.
 
 In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
 
 The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and  toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.
 
 The next night there is standing room only in the pub.
 
 Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.
 
 The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year
 
 In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
 
 The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties.'
 
 The rabbit looks aghast.
 
 The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says,
 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.
 
 The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'
 
 The crowd's bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.
 
 The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'
 
 'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'
 
 The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.
 
 He then waves to the crowd and leaves....
 
 NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!
 
 One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who  has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.
 
 When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.
 
 The barman says, 'Who are you?
 
 To which he is answered,
 'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'
 
 The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.
 
 You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and  Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'
 
 The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'
 
 The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham  and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'
 
 The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.'
 
 The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'
 
 'I DIED', said the rabbit.
 
 'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'
 
 After a short pause, the rabbit said ...
 
 'Mixin-me-toasties.

The oldies making a return.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 01/08/2021 at 21:21, Stouffer said:

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'
 
 The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.
 
 The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.
 
 The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
 
 The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the  pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the  Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
 
 The next night, the pub is packed.
 
 In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
 
 The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and  toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.
 
 The next night there is standing room only in the pub.
 
 Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.
 
 The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year
 
 In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
 
 The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties.'
 
 The rabbit looks aghast.
 
 The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says,
 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.
 
 The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'
 
 The crowd's bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.
 
 The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'
 
 'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'
 
 The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.
 
 He then waves to the crowd and leaves....
 
 NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!
 
 One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who  has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.
 
 When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.
 
 The barman says, 'Who are you?
 
 To which he is answered,
 'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'
 
 The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.
 
 You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and  Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'
 
 The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'
 
 The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham  and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'
 
 The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.'
 
 The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'
 
 'I DIED', said the rabbit.
 
 'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'
 
 After a short pause, the rabbit said ...
 
 'Mixin-me-toasties.

giphy.gif

 

 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×