Jump to content

  • Sign up for free and receive a month's subscription

    You are viewing this page as a guest. That means you are either a member who has not logged in, or you have not yet registered with us. Signing up for an account only takes a minute and it means you will no longer see this annoying box! It will also allow you to get involved with our friendly(ish!) community and take part in the discussions on our forums. And because we're feeling generous, if you sign up for a free account we will give you a month's free trial access to our subscriber only content with no obligation to commit. Register an account and then send a private message to @dave u and he'll hook you up with a subscription.

Joke!

HATCH

By HATCH,
in GF - General Forum

 Share

Recommended Posts

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Replies 2.4k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

Alan Sex
Alan Sex

The world leading expert on wasps is walking down the street when he passes a record store. In the window he sees a record called "Wasps of the world, and the sounds they make".  Intrigued, he

Karl_b
Karl_b

Just spotted Sinead O'Connor bird-watching. Asked her how she was getting on, she said "So far it's been 7 owls and 15 jays".

Nelly-Szoboszlai
Nelly-Szoboszlai

My dog is learning to play the trumpet on the London Underground. At the moment he is somewhere between Tooting and Barking.

Posted Images

Melchett Experienced

Melchett

Posted
Posted

Paddy walks past a new pub & sees a sign in the window, 'SPECIAL OFFER: Pies 50p, Wanks 10p.' He couldn't believe his luck! He goes in & sees a stunning blonde barmaid and asks her, "Are you the one that gives wanks?" "Yes" she replies. "Well" he says "Wash yer fuckin hands, I want a pie!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites
stevebaby Proficient

stevebaby

Posted
Posted

An Australian walks into a pub. He's carrying a big white duck under his arm.

"Fine lookin' pig you have there." says the barman.

"It's not a pig." says the Aussie,"It's a duck."

"Wasn't talkin to you." said the barman,"I was talkin' to the duck.".

 

An Australian walks into a pub. He takes his hat off as he approaches the bar, revealing a large green frog on his head.

"Fuck me." says the barman,"Where did you get that fucking thing?"

"Strangely enough,"says the frog,"He started out as a wart on my arse."

Link to comment
Share on other sites
The Tott Proficient

The Tott

Posted
Posted

3 vampires walk into a bar.

 

First goes "pint of blood" please.

 

Second one goes "pint of blood" please.

 

Then the barman asks the third one "same for you" to which he replies "no a mug of boiling water will do me, ive got a used tampon here, im making tea.

 

 

 

A women goes into the doctors and when she goes into the office she runs out screaming.

 

The next day the same thing happens, and leaves the doctor dumbstruck.

 

Third day she comes back and before she can run out screaming the doctor locks the door. Sit down and tell me whats wrong he asks her.

 

No its too embarressing she replies.

 

You can tell me im a doctor.

 

Ok, i had sex with an elephant and my fanny is all stretched out.

 

Well an elephants cock is big but it shouldnt cause any permanent damage.

 

Oh no thats not the problem, he fingered me first!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Melchett Experienced

Melchett

Posted
Posted

To my darling wife,

 

I promise from now on to always put the toilet lid down, as you are right, it doesn’t require that much effort. For you to be pleased and a smile to be put on your face a small gesture like this is worth it.

 

P.S I may shit on the lid.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
stevebaby Proficient

stevebaby

Posted
Posted
Michael Jacksons got skin cancer?

 

Holy fuck...

 

Please, please, please tell me that you can't get it from screwing kids....

You've got me worried now.

I'm rubbing lots of Factor 50 into my knob next time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
halewood pete Grand Master

halewood pete

Posted
Posted

After it was announced katie price and peter andre are to seperate, ,katie said she would miss the family holidays rhey shared,the tv specials they made,and the companionship.

Peter said he would miss the titwanks and watching harvey walk into the walls and doors

Link to comment
Share on other sites
DJLJ Grand Master

DJLJ

Posted
Posted

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.

 

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

 

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she

had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

 

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

 

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

 

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door and sprinted straight towards my car.

 

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

 

 

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

 

And the moral of this story is:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Always keep your condoms in your car.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest davelfc

Guest davelfc

Posted
Posted
When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.

.

 

Mine said the same, she lost and they live with her now

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...